February 28th, 2006

halloween, grrrr1

(no subject)

calliaz on the problem of communicating effectively with small children - locked post, QWP.

...the kid-friendly fire alarm I got on clearance at Target. It sounded like a good idea when I bought it. If there is a fire and the alarm goes off, it will play your recorded message. That way your child hears your voice with clear instructions of what to do.

The problem is, what in the world do I say? My child is three, he sometimes needs reminding to do things. He's also quite literal. If I don't explain all of the steps he'll sometimes stop doing whatever it is I want him to finish.

With that in mind, this was my thought process trying to write a script:

[Child. Child. Child.]Can you hear me? I need you to get out of your bed and to the back door. Not the back door to the yard--the back door to the car. You need to climb down the ladder yourself. Leave Cow in the bed. No, just leave Cow there. You need to go to the door to your room. If the door is hot, go to the window and wait. If the door isn't hot, open the door. Yes, you *can* open the door. Go to the back door. Aww, crap--you can't unlock the door. Umm. Go to mommy's bedroom. No, that won't work. Crap. Just go to the window in your room and wait. Don't start pulling all the books off of your bookshelf. Just lie down. No, don't get back up into the bed to get Cow. Just lie down. I know you have to go potty, try to hold it....
30 Rock Tina Fey whatevs

Camera instructions

cara_chapel bought a new camera and is somewhat baffled by the instructions...

Point the camera at something embarrassing and depress the button. We suggest that playing "The Cure" for 24 hours straight should be adequate to depress this button and, in fact, any other button you may need to depress.

QWP from an f-locked post!
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Mountain Lions and Bears and, um, Siblings?

Yes he's related, but my brother is hilarious... sadly I do not share those genes. *laments* -_-;;

The poster: westward_joe
The post: http://westward-joe.livejournal.com/4872.html

More from Intrepid Field Reporter Mr. X : BEAR ALERT excerpts:

"If you discover a bear in your car do not attempt to remove it yourself, and do not give it the keys. You may want to take a picture, though."

"If you are attacked by a bear, playing dead can be effective; the bear may leave you alone entirely or at least not cause critical injuries. It is not wise to play dead in the middle of a street."

And other gems you must read for yourself. ^_~

Enjoy that? Then check out "OMFG! There are Mountain Lions in California!" : http://westward-joe.livejournal.com/662.html which is along a similar theme. Which I would quote too, but this is already long enough… ^_~
OMG - John Lennon

Great Misuses of the Word "Literally"

[Background: Our Pastoral Care person was pre-emptively thanking us for helping at the school's "retreats" (camps with occasional praying) in a meeting today.]

"Thank you for giving up your time to go on the camp with the students. I know that by the end of it we're all literally buggered, and-"

He got no further.


nitedula, QWP
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Cheesy werewolf movie issues

"I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that there will be what one could charitably call an implausible plot, "implausible" being the kindest thing one could call it---if one is taking pain medication for at least three broken limbs, two organ transplants, multiple personality disorder, and that Jessica Simpson Pizza Hut commercial. Then there will be a bunch of grade Z 'stars' who can better be described as asteroids rather than stars. The acting will range from leaden to wooden, which will probably be more frightening than the actual 'horror.' They will try and emote. They will stretch their acting range from A to....A+. They will make Ed Wood look like Olivier."

ginmar, in this post. The whole thing is funny.
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