Sometimes I know when to leave well enough alone, there are certain activities that I would just pervert or shame if I got involved. For instance, while I enjoy model train sets (and loved building model planes and cars as a lad) I know I should just back off. If I were to get into that scene I would create a little miniature post-apocalyptic nightmare scene: rolling fields dusted with dirty, radioactive snow wrought by Nuclear Winter; stunted sickly trees; badly burned survivors stumble out of the charred suburbs, their only sustenance is cannibalism; in a field scarred and emaciated farmers desperately labor to their plants alive; in a small town militias, religious zealots, madmen, and neo-conservatives horde the remaining canned food while the less-fortunate and ill-prepared survivors face starvation. The only hope for civil society is the last remaining rail line shuttling refugees, supplies, precious medicines, and postal service between the undamaged cities! Will they survive the perilous journey?
Full post here, quoted with permission.
He simply rocks.
After seeing "...ing sheep off in a garbage can" in a Fox News headlines crawl in this picture in paulobrien's journal, as well as the first few responses, I decided to track down what exactly was happening to that poor sheep. After all, as was asked there, how many words ending in "ng" would grammatically fit in that sentence, and how many of those are Not Safe For Work?
Well, here's the answer: Sheep taken out like trash
In brief, ( Collapse )
To really get the joke, you need to see the ( Collapse ) first.
The top image is the old logo. The bottom one is the new logo.
I stared at the new design for a short while, then I found myself seeing visions of burning holiday cottages and being drawn inexorably into the whirling yellow centre.
I awoke three hours later with no memory of what had happened, but with a nagging feeling that upon hearing a pre-arranged signal I'll be compelled against my will to strap on an explosives vest and detonate on the Severn Bridge.
Romance novels have only three types of plot:
60% are boy and girl fall in love at the beginning and have to overcome horrible obstacles to be together.
36% are one or both hate each other at the beginning, and either through circumstance (probably getting married under contrived conditions) or perseverance by the in-love party, they fall in love with each other by the end and all is happy.
3.5% are some bizzare combination of the above two options.
0.5% are actually decent novels that are classics, have other things going on in them, good characters, and/or a tragic ending.
...I think it is important to write down all the stuff I will probably be feeling over the next few months:
-Feeling sick, being sick, and stomach upsets
-Loss of interest in sex (WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT, THEN?)
-Changes in weight (oh, god)
I don't seem to find the sandalwood ones. I find the ones where people's their hair smells like vanilla and their mouths taste like mint and strawberries and their skin tastes like peaches and their naughty bits taste like freakin' chocolate-marshmallow Pop Tarts or something and I'm thinking, geez, does this person ROLL in FOOD before getting it on with anyone?
Yeah, I bet these authors will be in for an unpleasant surprise when they actually get to sniff an attractive person. "Y-You smell like...HUMAN! Ewww!"
Josh: Come on bella it's bedtime. [makes double staccato clicking noise]
Allie: Don't click at me. I'm not a dog.
Josh: It wasn't a dog noise. It was a squirrel noise. It's how you get them to do things. Like...jump into blenders.
Allie: Josh, I think you just made that up.
Josh: If I opened our door, we'd have squirrels in our blender in no time.
This conversation preceeded Josh's "auditory bedtime story" about 30 giggling bedtime minutes later. An auditory bedtime story, is kinda comparable to a pantomime, but instead of only gestures, there are only noises. A story which last night consisted of a sweeping open door noise, a few clicks, and then a blender noise.
Worst bedtime story ever.
I laughed for FAR too long.
(And that's why I shouldn't stay up past 1:30 in the morning.)
catalase has an interesting advertising experience (QWP):
So I've been working my way through Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series. It's basically the literary equivalent of Fritos; all action with a minor side order of occasional character development. It's also fantasy; you can imagine the target audience.
However, even though I CAN imagine the general target audience quite vividly, there was still NO CALL for Amazon to include a free sample of Degree deodorant in with my order of the fifth and sixth books. WTF, Amazon. No editorializing on your customers!