Metaquotes

Zombie Grandmas make for the WORST sex.

- iguanasdefuego, here, in reply to a post in bad_sex. (The original post is pretty sad actually.) I was going to get permission, but according to the rules since it's a public entry I don't need it. If I do, I'll delete and wait for permission.

Wee! I finally lost my metaquote virginity! Hey, where's the champagne and rose petals? So much for romance.

alas_a_llama posts the "5 Guilty Pleasures" meme...

2) Rocks. People keep saying that rocks are boring but they aren't! You can put them into little Soap-esque communities, with the Sedimentaries and the Metamorphic being a bit leery with each other and the Igneous rocks just sort of standing there being a bit bemused at the whole situation really. It's like Romeo and Juliet.

With rocks.

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edallia has written a letter to the Governor of her state talking about feline testicles

Excerpt: I just want to tell people that the Governor of Georgia personally neutered my cat.

daggart dislikes waste in his AIM conversations, and expresses his frustration in this public post:

Is one really not enough?

Must you have them ALL?

Seriously, there are people in India going without because you use up half of the worlds supply of question marks in the course of a single IM.

"I can't believe how much stuff inflamed sinuses put out. It's like someone cast a horrible necromantic variant of Create Water, only it's NOT WATER, and they did it way up my nose. And I TOTALLY blew my saving throw."

- jvowles on his ghastly cold (and boy, do I sympathise)

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active_apathy comments randomly on apostrophes in usernames:

That'd be dangerous. Many, many LJers have no idea what to do with an apostrophe. They could hurt themselves with the pointy end.

seanchaidh has some theories about what might happen now that Canada's Conservative Party has won a small minority victory:

4) Green Party and NDP merge and create a new labour and environment orientated party called the Grass is Greener on the Other Side party. Or something.

(qwp)

So pyrotech_c3h8 posted pictures on his LJ of his old desk at T-Mobile. The last picture and resulting commentary was amusing:

Yeppers, that is an actual functioning train set. Notice the ambulance waiting patiently to cross. Sometimes the ambulance gets sick of waiting and tries to race the train at the crossing. Sometimes he does not make it, and the patient in the back (Six year old boy named Jimmy who drank too much Yoohoo and antifreeze attempting to make a Slurpee at home) is horribly maimed and his badly lacerated corpse lands on picnickers nearby. Also notice that there are little tiny army troops lying in ambush behind several of the trees. This is not one of your better railroad crossings.

Inspired by the limeybean situation, offstagelines_ reports the, er, "death" of missandrony in MsA's lj:

"Sadly, during the operation, the good doctors accidentally replaced Jen’s heart with a Starbucks espresso machine. Horrific, I know, but true. *hysterical crying fit*

Jen, being a brave little woman who is a beacon of hope for all humanity, went bravely into world with only caffeine pumping through her veins. After about twenty seconds of attempting to survive this way, it became clear that one cannot live with an espresso machine… where a heart should be. This is when Jen called me.

Jen [dying]: LAUUUUUURA! OMG AM GOING TO DIE, LIKE WOAH!!

Needless to say, I burst into tears. Could it be true, that Jen was dying like woah, whilst on the cellular phone with moi!?"

The whole thing is hilarious, as is missandrony's matching report of offstagelines_' death.

uranus_sama is in Japan, appreciating the beauty around her:

And now for something completely different.

A subject that is as intruiging as it is dangerous.

JAPANESE HIGH SCHOOL BOYS.

They go ridin' along past me on my walk back from campus, on their little bikes, with their cute little hairdos, and their cute black high school uniforms, and their cute little behinds...

We attended a women's safety seminar today.

But perhaps they should've held one for cute Japanese high school boys.

And warned them about me.

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treaclelilly recalls her previous thoughts on baths now that she's gotten a stressful job and has become a bath adict here.

"I recall, when I was 25, pointing and laughing at these stress-puppy mommies in those Calgon commericals helplessly looking about as their world of responsibilities piled up around them. They'd look to the heavens, not to God, or Buddha, or Ganesh, or Zeus, an any kind of spiritual being. They were calling to, nay, I would even say PRAYING, to that box of Calgon to "take me away"."

*laughs and prays for a bath like the stress-puppy mommy that she is*

In this post on the TMCM "coffeefilter" list, pseudomatt posted this letter he sent to protest a certain film:

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furiosity has a collection of rants

Among the gems:

Thinking you're the best thing to happen to the human race since Eve learned Parseltongue does not make it so.

QWP. In the wake of offstagelines_ announcing my totally tragic death, grey_wolf4 says:

Reading this has made me realize how valuable life is.
I'm *sniff* off to sell it on *sob* EBAY!

From sarahonlife, who is funnier than she thinks she is.

Ranting about people who honk their horns incessently in traffic jams

Oh gee, I'm so sorry mister. I didn't realize that you actually wanted to get somewhere. And here we all are, being rude, just hanging out in the road, blocking your way. You should have said something sooner. Of course, we will all just move aside so that you can get through. We were just sitting here for fun anyways.

Public post, but QWP anyways.

Med student fortuna_juvat, here:

Our bodies can auto-regulate the pH of our blood plasma to a minute degree, just by controlling how quickly we breathe, and yet America is fascinated by sweaty men throwing variously shaped balls to other sweaty men, or through arbitrarily assigned spaces.

One way or the other, it made me think. QWP.
Edited to add: The rest of the entry is about how particularly Superbowl is disrupting her daily life; hence "America" there. For my part, "people" in general would apply just as well. But quote-editing is usually Not Groovy.

Overheard -

"Ma'am, I understand your frustration... Yes, I promise you, I am working on the problem... You'd like to speak to my supervisor? ... ma'am, I own the company... Okay the only being higher than me would be God... I'm sorry, no, I don't have his number..."

--wookiewife on customers_suck.

(Context is here, if you need it, but that's the entire entry.)

rich_jacko wonders about the reception for a recent film in the US [a comment in a post of my own]:

"Is 'Underworld: Evolution' banned in the States? Or did they just force it to be renamed 'Underworld: Intelligent Design'?"

Conversation with my boss' boss, while we were reviewing a document:

Him: "Cockpit Monitor Technician"? What's that?

[speaking at the same time]
Me: No idea, but it sounds cool. That's what I want to be when I grow up.
Him: Oh, I see, they just mean a knob twiddler...

[pause as we each take in what the other has said]
Me: knob twiddler...
Him: ...and that's what you want to be when you grow up?

At this point the document review was abandoned due to the inability of any of the participants to speak. :-)

-- geekette8, QWP.

This from a woman who looks high-powered and intimidating in business suits, and who really ought to know better ;)

cleolinda has a lump on her head:

[I]t's very likely a form of bursitis--an inflammation of a sac near a joint or moving part (and it is kind of close to my neck) caused by strain or damage. My doctor thinks that this, and my intestinal catastrophes on Saturday, were caused by the whole thing about Mom losing/leaving her job...upset and anxiety always finds a way to express itself, with me anyway, and since I don't really have or know any other way to deal with it mentally, I end up with, like, one of the seven plagues of Egypt. I am dead serious. It used to be massive upset stomachs--or maybe it was headaches; I can't remember which came first. Whichever one it was, I got that under control after several years, and then the other one kicked up as my go-to physical response. Then I got that under control, and what did I start getting? Boils. I am not freakin' kidding. And I'm a firstborn, too, so you can see why I'm hoping this doesn't get any more Biblical than it has to.

drachenfach has been having bouts of dizziness recently, and while it is sort of mean to laugh, she shared this gem in tmi_chix ::

Unfortunately, whilst the rest of my body seemed quite happy to comply with the 'Stop working! Fall over!' orders from up above, my bladder didn't get the message, and carried on quite merrily with its alotted task.

The whole post is here

There is no such thing as a baby doc, except for Baby Doc Duvallier. Now, THAT might be interesting. Fat, murderous dictator Barbie. Hmm.

saadiira context here

My professor is now explaining what The World-Wide Web is. I KNOW THIS ONE! IT'S WHERE THE PORN LIVES!

-from dsudis here :o)

This was posted in ut_austin (community for University of Texas at Austin students) by corpuscular:

So my brother and I wrestle a lot.
When in school, there is no brother to wrestle with.

Anyone feel like meeting up and wrestling with me? ^_^

Pleaaaaaase.
It will most likely be the case that I will be the one beaten up. =D

I'm a female. and would really prefer a girl I guess.

From a post on leavingfamefans, re: leaving_fame, which is an RPG.

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Editted to add the cut, with my apologies.

Comment by dariodevil  in this post at scans_daily.

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lukadia isn't feeling well... but must he be so amusing about it in his post? QWP, the whole thing is great. But, here's my favorite part:

"Hello, body! I am Kawaii Peach Yogurt-Chan, champion of health and nutrition! I hope we will become very good friends! ^_________^"

Why you smiling, lying little bitch.



Edit: Fixed tag, sorry.

A: When Kitten jumps on Human's lap, it is because Kitten is exercising her immutable right to tap the keyboard until Human's manuscript is reformatted into Mandarin Chinese.

Although it may be cute to make Kitten appear to dance vigorously to DJ Tiesto, Kitten does not appreciate primate music and thus she slices like a ninja, cuts like a razor blade, so fast-- other DJs say "damn."
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Full Entry Quoted

QWP! rickmangled, on trying to explain satellite radio to Ptolemy of Egypt.

"Well these tiiiny particles travel in invisible waves through the air... No, not demons, photons. No, Photon is not the name of a demon. No! It's not even a class of demon! It's a particle! No, you can't speak to the radio. Yes, it's talking to you, you just can't talk back. No, not even if you bow."

oh, the context of it all.