January 23rd, 2006

TP - Briggs

"My Life as a Dork: Sex and Hygiene"

littera_abactor recently acquired an electric toothbrush. Complications ensued.
It's not a bad toothbrush, per se. It's not the best design on the planet, maybe, but it works, and the vibration certainly adds an interesting extra wrinkle to the dental hygiene experience. It's just - okay, I feel like I'm brushing my teeth with a sex toy, for one thing. That's not a relationship I'm comfortable having with my teeth. For years, they've bitten whatever I told them to bite and I, in return, have brushed and flossed them and sometimes taken them to the dentist. And it worked, you know? We were in a good place, my teeth and me. But now I'm massaging them in a way that seems, well, a little too personal.

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don & cosmo [SITR]
  • hkath

blame the Lithuanians!

krustukles responds to this post on toronto (QWP, of course):

Context: Original poster is calling for a return to what she calls "old-fashioned" values.

krustukles: Being old fashioned is a super idea. I too long for the days when a gentleman could be assured that his vote would not be diluted by the votes of women, lower class males, and the Irish. [...] Indeed, Toronto has gone to hell in a handbasket. I blame the Lithuanians, the Catholics, and the internal combustion engine for bringing this upon us.

LJDQ: the kingly edition.

We were almost afraid to ask this week's Question 6: "If you were king of the world, what could we expect from your reign?" Tapping the power-hungry fantasies of 1,300+ Quizlings could have ended in grave sorrow. Here's a sampling of what we heard.

"I'd like to think that I'd be kind and benevolent, but I also know that I would use it as an excuse to detonate small countries. Goodbye Isle Of Wight, anyway." - benmiff

"Pictures of my underwear on the currency." - sskipstress

"A second season of Firefly. Yes, I'm that shallow." - ishtar79

"Furry pornography." - lots42

"MORE COWBELL!" - spatialrift47

"Hot chocolate and turkish delight for everybody!! Party in the castle!! Bring your own lion!! Woo!" - etumukutenyak

Anyone want to guess what the most popular answer was? Click here to find out.
  • Current Mood
    groggy hungover
How Are You LJ?

On voting and poltical campaigns.

So, sitting around the commonroom with Cat and Blake. I concluded that it'd be benficial for a political party to quit the 'we're not as bad as them!' campaigns and just make up a nifty jingle. I mean, what's going to get people's attention more, people bad-mouthing the other guy's leader, or some upbeat catchy tune that'll get stuck in the public's heads all day?

Would Charmin sell as much toilet paper as they do with a solemn commerical about how much their competition sucks as compared the stupid song with the bears? Doubt it.

infi_chan ponders more on how to get out the youth vote here.
  • Current Music
    The Crüxshadows - Foreverlast
Hairspray is b_^_^_d
  • miggy

(no subject)

annakovsky is not enjoying grad school at the moment:

I am thinking about dropping out of grad school. Maybe I will run away and join the circus. Or The French Foreign Legion.

(On further investigation, apparently women are not allowed to join the French Foreign Legion! Dear France, BITE ME.)

(On second thought, moireach just responded to this information by saying, "Let's disguise ourselves as boys and run away to join the French Foreign Legion and in our spare evening hours write Hemingway-esque novels." Dear France, Actually this sounds even better, you are forgiven.)

(I can write a Hemingway-esque novel right now. We had dinner, then drinks. Dinner, then drinks. Then we went fishing. There was a bullfight. Afterwards, I looked at myself in the mirror and cried over war-related impotence. The end.)

(You know what would be awesome? Hemingway's livejournal. Cheer up, emo kid!)
  • caprine

the new Neal Stephenson novel

In this entry, autopope muses about the new Neal Stephenson novel:
NB: a Bayesian analysis of his previous output suggests that it is unlikely to be a slim, 150 page long volume that is free of digressions, curlicues, diverticulae, lacunae, footnotes, appendices (vermiform and otherwise), endnotes, illuminating codicils, cryptograms, caveats, perambulations on foot through the Black Forest while meditating upon the impact of 16th century silver-working techniques on biodiversity west of the Urals, gothick embelishments, whoopee cushions, monologues, flights of fancy, barock excrescenses, meditations upon the manifest evils of Livejournal, dialogues upon the nature of True Love meandering betwixt pillar and post while the disputants duel with grenade-carrying carrier pigeons, exploding cigars, maps of uncharted territories, and divers alarums and excursions.

(But I live in hope.)
ACL: everything is beautiful

another FFR funny...

mhmartini pretty much hits the nail on the fanbrat head when the_fmk wonders if checking the books to spell Hermione correctly is too much to ask:

"I wonder how to spell that word correctly. Let me just go check the boo...gasp...choke...hack...hack...the pain...the agony...my eyes...can't breathe..." *THUD*

Yet another fanfic author killed in the line of duty.

*plays taps*
  • Current Music
    Makeshift Halo- Shame On Me
witch, book

(no subject)

from bopeepsheep QWP

There ha been "an incient" invoving my eyboar an a mug beonging to < uer="macanger">. (I you can tranate thi pot you can gather which ey were invove.) Thi i not goo.

I am hoping a itte bit o time wi improve thing - but ince they appeare to ie uring the typing o a entence which ucceuy incue the u wor "an " an imiar, I am not optimitic.

Anyway, I can attempt to write an entry with none o'them in. The new brrrrrrr-thing came, the tiny brrrrrrrr-thing it require power, no power-man come yet, I have to go buy power-thing.

The Pain! The Pain!

chaobell had a very challenging customer...

The full post.

Let's say you do technical support for, say, Peter Pan Peanut Butter. A customer calls in, who's supposedly been making peanut butter sandwiches for five years, having some trouble. The conversation goes something like this:

"Good morning, thank you for calling Peter Pan technical support, my name is Sarah, how can I help you today? ... ... ...ooookay, your child is throwing his peanut butter sandwich back at you because there's no peanut butter on it. Can you open up the sandwich for me? .... ... ...could you take one piece of bread in each hand and pull them apart so you can look inside the sandwich? ... ... ...there's no peanut butter on the outside of the sandwich. No, ma'am, it's supposed to be like that. I need you to look INSIDE. THE. SANDWICH. ...yes, like that, thank you.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

The joys of a Florida native in Oxford for an actual winter.

sangre_fria talks about her term so far, but the gem I had to share was her forecast for the Russian cold fronts:

That cold front from Russia? Yeah, it's coming....for my soul. Ada spoke on the phone with her mom today, and from what she says, all the water is freezing right in the pipes in Poland. And the cold is slowly creeping West.

My reaction? I'm going to die. O.o

But I won't go down without a fight. I've armed myself with new gloves and a crapload of sweaters.

Bring it on, Moscow!

Context, if you must.
  • Current Music
    Hallelujah ~ Jeff Buckley
free! - haru

(no subject)

peppermintrose is having some issues with her car:

Speaking of the Jeep, I still can't get used to things that BEEP at you. Beep at you when the door's open, beep at you when you leave the lights on...in my old cars, if you left the headlights on and didn't remember to turn them off, you came back to a DEAD BATTERY. That's one way to learn not to do it. There was no "safety beep". So today I was driving back from my chiropractor appointment, and some NEW BEEP starts beeping at me out of simply nowhere. I'm like, wtf is that now?? And I drive myself crazy looking all over the dash trying to figure out what's wrong. Are my tires falling off or what? Then I finally remember to look up at the digital read-out that tells you what temp it is outside (10 degrees), what gas mileage you get, what team won the Super Bowl in 1998...and it says, "PERFORM SERVICE" and I'm like, what is that??

Does my vehicle need SEXUAL favors now???

F-locked post, QWP, originating post is here.

My first metaquote! ._. *hopes she's done everything right*
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry
[Contemplation] Deep silent complete
  • jesskat

(no subject)

Perhaps I'm dorky, but I snickered at gab's little exchange with her brother (friends-locked post, QWP):

"After my 3-hour nap (yay going to bed too late and being not able to sleep), I am up and... swaying.. and... ready to take the kitties to the vet. So ready, that while I was brushing my teeth, my brother Jeff said the following. Keep in mind that he's, like... 23 years old.

Jeff: Woof!
Me: o_o *brushbrush*
Jeff: 'Cause that's what doggies say.
Me: *snrk* *rinse*
Jeff: Do you know what owls say?
Me: Hoothoot?
Jeff: No! They say 'O RLY!'
Me: Aaaaaghehh... . dyingnow."

(no subject)

We were just watching some skateboarding show, and Danny says, "Did I ever tell you about the trick I practiced for hours on end when I was little?"

Assuming he was talking about skateboarding, I said no.

"It was taking my underwear off without taking off my pants."

- shesbeenelected, and her fabulous boy.
  • Current Music
    moi lolita - alizee
alien christ

(no subject)

uranus_sama reflects on her first days as a foreign student in Japan in this public post:

I have a new-found respect for foreigners in America. When I get back, I'm going to walk up to every one that I see and hug them while saying, "I KNOW YOUR PAIN, MAN!" I'll learn it in every language possible, except for Mexican Spanish. For that I'll learn how to say "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET UP HERE?!" (said in the same tone as "I KNOW YOUR PAIN, MAN!") because seeing Mexicans in Michigan is like seeing French Canadians in Texas. It makes you stop and think for a while. You can't come to any useful conclusion, but it makes you think.
  • Current Music
    Zwei -- Movie Star
Disapproval Face
  • mcity

(no subject)

Apathy does not solve all your problems, but it can take care of lots of tiny irritating ones before they build up into something larger and revolting. Apathy is like a spam filter, or a really snippy secretary. Envision the problem, approaching you steadily. Suddenly, Apathy is lounging in front of the door to your office-brain, filing his nails and reading an extraordinarily gay magazine. "Excuse me," the problem announces frostily, trying to get around Apathy. "Hello, do you know who I am?" It demands.

"Ahaha," Apathy laughs politely as this clearly is an ironic joke on the problem's part, and points to the couches. "Why don't you sit yourself down, sweetheart, and the boss'll see you in a minute."
Good ol' dayofjudah Never lets me down.