January 20th, 2006

  • keladry

(no subject)

nemo_wistar wrote:


I made a comment recently that while I'm pretty far from being a man of God, I do quote the bible from time to time. This is crescentdude's response:

I'm not sure "quote" is the right word, unless there were passages that read like so...

"And Jesus came unto his disciples upon a handcrafted marvel, upon it he stood and with but the smallest of effort he did leap toward the heavens, yea, and back down to the earth. This he did in a fashion that moved him toward his disciples. And lo, did Luke raise his head skyward and proclaim, 'Lo! Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!'"

or...

"And Jesus did perform for his disciples a feat of unearthly grace and agility, his feet light and quick as the dancing of angels, keeping perfect rhythm. When the music ceased, Jesus raised his head, took the cup, shared it with his disciples and said, 'I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, Son of God, King of the Jews. To you, my dear friends, I shall be known as 'Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ'."

I'll keep looking, but I don't think I'll find those passages.


... I think this must be in one of the more recent translations.
Computer Alpha-Complex Paranoia Schol-R

(no subject)

honormac makes an important contribution to the modern lexicon with this telling neologism:

Godomite. A practitioner of the most grave and foul of sins: Godomy... Which is to say, of course, someone who's become so deliriously happy with having god up their ass that they try to forcibly shove god up your ass as well.
[F] clockwork man
  • reikah

(no subject)

After a random flamer came and visited my journal, labelling me and my friends as 'livejournal Nazis', my (Jewish) friend maypirate had this to say:

I realize I'm coming late to the party, but I totally wanted to commend you for calling some of my good friends LJ nazis. It's true that they've often attempted to kill me and have forced me to live in this LJ ghetto where all I get is one font and one user picture of a dead rat, but somehow I just can't help hanging out with them.


Quote from here (f-locked), QWP.
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Help?

(no subject)

From a locked entry, QWP.

queensheba has a little trouble with a Rachael Ray recipe:

Roll cutlet, cheese, and pepper up and secure with toothpicks? You've GOT to be kidding me. Those chicken breasts were in no condition to be rolled at that point, and with slippery soft cheese sliding everywhere, too. I did my best, but it wasn't pretty. It looked like Amateur Chicken Surgery With Toothpicks.

Context is up there, if you can get to the locked entry. :)
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frozen river
  • tikvah

It's COLD out there...

QWP from this locked entry in woodwardiocom's journal:

(Actually, context is useful here: woodwardiocom left his hat in his car at the airport. He had to fetch his car, which was parked in an outdoor lot rather far away. It was VERY VERY COOOOOOLD, especially for a man with a shaved head.)

I think about stopping to grab some item of clothing out of my luggage to wrap around my head, but all the stuff on top is underwear. I'm stupidly proud sometimes. I decide that if I freeze to death out here, it will be with my underwear on my loins, not on my head.
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dinosaur

TWELVE ITEMS OR LESS!

In which dreamsrundeep has a grocery store adventure:

A lady slides in front of me with a carry-basket full of organic cheeses and yogurt-burst Cheerios. She's carrying a peacock-blue and gold Vera Bradley bag and she throws Women's Day magazine in on top of her basket as she passes me. Impulse buy. I wasn't here before you or anything. Go right on ahead. She begins to unpack her basket.

"I hope you don't mind..." She begins. "But this magazine makes thirteen items." She points to Women's Day on top of her heap.

"Twelve items or less, ma'am." The Cashier folds her hands over the scanner to regard the woman, clearly not going to ring her up. I'm thinking, "You have got to be kidding me! You shouldn't have said anything, VeraLady! Now you're gonna have to bear the mark of the Twelve Items or less rejects". My bag of lettuce is staring to feel heavy with all of this waiting. A lady buying a single jug of chardonnay behind me is holding it on her hip like a toddler. She switches hips and shakes her head at me, Why did she say something like that!?

"Well... I.. Um. You won't ring me up?"

"Twelve items or less!" Cashier chortles.

The lady seems reluctant to put away her magazine for the sake of the Express Lane. "What if I scan that ONE item and you only have to scan twelve?"

"For God's SAKE!" says the lady with the wine. "Here. Give it to me and I'll buy it! Damn!"


The whole post is enjoyable. ^_^
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Dimitri!Chillin

(no subject)

spoonerpsu wrote in THIS post regarding The Girl Who Found Out About Furrys. You have to watch it to get the quote.


"Maybe I'm desensitized to the internets, but I just imagine her in real life at the supermarket, like "oh my god guys, I saw this stuff it's called broccoflower, and it's broccoli but it like thinks its cauliflower, and like it's like green but its cauliflower but it thinks it's broccoli, and this is seriously sick guys I think I'm going to kill myself."

Welcome to teh intarwebs1!!
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merchgirl
  • divabat

School Memories

In this Friends-Only entry, savagedalias is worried about losing the memories of her soon-to-be-ending high school days.

moneteva responds: (QWP)

... You will remember those thing because they made you who you are, and they are life. You are life, your life at least, and it sure as hell is not over yet. Of course it is terribly sad to graduate! It is supposed to be, otherwise it wouldn't be worth anything! And your second grade self will be there on graduation day, reminding you of ocelots and kids with blonde hair named Robbie, just as someday 17 year old Emily will dance around in a 30 year old's body and remind her of how truly great life is.

(no subject)

Dear Brain,

It's nice that you have weird little premonitions, it really is.
Doubly nice that they tend to be accurate.
However, when you wish to awaken me with the message of, "The protein skimmer on the marine tank is malfunctioning and dumping dirty waste water back into the tank," could you please, please just awaken me with that message and not something utterly surreal such as Voldemort paying me a visit and threatening me with torture and death if I don't fix the protein skimmer on his fish tank?

Because, let's be honest, I think Voldemort is intelligent enough to fix a protein skimmer if he's already gone through the trouble of using Muggle methods to keep a marine tank,

- Tviokh

Oh, and yes, the skimmer had fallen and was putting dirty waste water back into the aquarium.



--tviokh
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Deep Red Roses

(no subject)

lephoquedumort presents a theory about life, inspired by the Sims:

We probably all die hundreds of times per day. We just don't realize it, because every time we do, god goes back to the last saved game.

He also does this when we have alien babies, and when the man takes our toilets away.



Quoted with permission, from a locked entry.
pbbttthhh!

(no subject)

I'm a first time poster, long time lurker.
This was posted as a comment on my LJ by my boyfriend (who doesn't have a journal... sad) in response to the entry I posted about finding my keys after they were lost all Christmas Break and I tore the dorm room to shreds trying to find them the day I moved out for break (they were in my backpack all along).

they weren’t there all along, the ninja's that live on the lawn stole them and gave them to the dingoes who in turn gave them to the camels that wear sun glasses that carried them across the Arabian desert where they ran into an African swallow who carried them along with a coco nut to eastern Europe where they met a little man who lived in a cottage that smelled of elderberries and his house was raided by the knights who say NI.. but they where assaulted by king author with the word "IT" and on his quest for the holy grail he ended up "coming to America" across the Rio grand with a group of illegal immigrants who came to union city to work for Tyson and one of them dropped the keys in the Wal-Mart parking lot where a young man from Japan found them and left them at the front desk of your dorm and from there when you walked by they transported there self using a rift in the space time continuum they found to get back in your back pack..
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rickrolled

Letters

QWP from fLocked entry by hedge_wytch from here

Dear Friday,

Slow down, please? I still have a love/hate relationship with you. Back off or it becomes hating on you real fast.

Just a bit on the side,
Nox


Dear Headache That I've Had For 2 Days,

Nuts!

No love. Ever.
Big Giant Head.


Dear Universe,

Stop sucking, just for a litle bit? And let me find a job soon. Well, reasonably soon. And preferably one that's worth somewhat more to me than my Family Payment, just.. you know... to make it worth my while even getting out of bed. Either that, or I win Powerball.

Not fussy,
Nox


Dear Gym Equipment,

...

...

...

Stop looking at me like that! I'm sick *grumps*

Guilty,
Nox


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