I made a comment recently that while I'm pretty far from being a man of God, I do quote the bible from time to time. This is crescentdude's response:
I'm not sure "quote" is the right word, unless there were passages that read like so...
"And Jesus came unto his disciples upon a handcrafted marvel, upon it he stood and with but the smallest of effort he did leap toward the heavens, yea, and back down to the earth. This he did in a fashion that moved him toward his disciples. And lo, did Luke raise his head skyward and proclaim, 'Lo! Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!'"
"And Jesus did perform for his disciples a feat of unearthly grace and agility, his feet light and quick as the dancing of angels, keeping perfect rhythm. When the music ceased, Jesus raised his head, took the cup, shared it with his disciples and said, 'I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, Son of God, King of the Jews. To you, my dear friends, I shall be known as 'Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ'."
I'll keep looking, but I don't think I'll find those passages.
... I think this must be in one of the more recent translations.