January 19th, 2006

girly

Girly

"I'm sitting in my silk pajamas drinking chai, brushing my hair and watching Pride and Prejudice. I don't think I could feel more girly if I were a giant pink barrel of Jane Austen's estrogen." -- apocalypsos, here
  • Current Music
    Queen - "The Show Must Go On"
tentacle porn

curry!

This is from a locked post in my journal, but I am not responsible for the funny.

(Background: While editing an unpublished fantasy manuscript, I paraphrased something Teresa Nielsen Hayden said about "exotic" fictional names and locations that are named after Indian dishes. Some people ran with it...)

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sexy beater

Disturbed

Today, my friend xena_wp_ tells us about her job:

Well today was a boring day at work. Hours of operation have changed again. Anyways, I found out that Disturbed's Down With The Sickness is a very good song to masturbate and get off too. Yes that is how boring it was at work today. Anyways, just thought I'd share.


That's the whole post.
Vincent

All Hail Mom, Destroyer of Worlds!

A customers_suck entry by invalidcaracter  about an interesting toddler who entered his store here spawns the following comment by ms_anthropy :

At the toddler age, a lot of times when they learn a new rule they turn into tiny little hall monitors and go around practicing it on *everyone* indiscriminately. It takes a while to get them to figure out what's appropriate. When my son was about two, he used to constantly tell strangers in restaurants not to chew with their mouths open. *cringes/dies laughing when out of sight*

It was like, mom, if it's OK for you to stop *me* from doing it, why aren't you stopping that complete stranger over there from doing it too? No fair! (Mom rules the world, you see, and has authority over everyone in the restaurant. All hail mom, destroyer of worlds! LOL!)

 

  • Current Music
    Dontcha--Pussycat Dolls
Malk

My first metaquotes

Ganked from armedpacifist

Adama: The colonies have been occupied, most of humanity's population obliterated, the survivors are on the run with limited resources, and there is a very good chance the Cyclons will suceed in destroying us all. However there is good news.

Apollo: What?

Adama: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
  • ems

I feel a bit of a sap, metaquoting my boyfriend, but I feel I need to share teh_funny.

thenorthernline achieves the impossible - amusing answers to a meme!
[6] If you could go anywhere where would you go?: Anywhere that isn't a British colony/former British colony, because I don't trust the British to make a good job of anything. Apart from maybe catching colds, and acting like cretins in restaurants.

...

[31] Do you believe in Vampires?: Don't we call them the hematically challenged nowadays? I like how goths always pretend to be into all that vampire shit. I bet if they had to drink blood they'd soil themselves. I don't know how they can claim to like all these depraved activities when the majority of them are allergic to sunlight. If you can't take sunlight, you can't take The Hellish Pursuits Of The Damned, I'm afraid.
Context is here, and it's really worth reading. Because he is, in fact, highly amusing.
hopf fibration

Oh, the humanity!

I search. No charger.

By now I'm thinking 'where did you gooo?' and my phone is beginning to run a little low on juice. Phone and I have a serious discussion, and it agrees to go into stasis for the duration of the catastrophe. I turn it off regretfully.

Time passes. I release my phone from stasis a few times for to check my messages...and gradually my phone begins to lose the fight. It gets sicker and sicker, and soon I'm only able to get sense out of it for seconds at a time, until, at last, it falls into a coma, the like of which i'd never seen it in before. Now when I try and turn it on, it flashes up an unlit 'Phone is out of battery'. Shocked, my efforts to find the missing charger are redoubled. It's a life or death mission now!


Will reonyea recover her phone's charger? Will it be mission accomplished or will her phone go to the Big Charger In The Sky? Will she dig through the mountains of clothes and books in time? Will I ever link to the context? Find out here!

(no subject)

The Tale of Sir bluetoad (aka Carl) the Valiant, as told here:

AS our story unfolds, our hero parks his car, on a quest for office supplies. Boldly he ventures forth, to do battle with incompetent clerks and stalk the elusive plain copy paper. Alas, before he travels ten feet, a disguised she-demon rises from the abyss.
"Halt," Cries she! "You are parked in a handycapped spot. You cannot commit such a treacherous deed and go unpunished! Move thine silver steed!"
"M'lady," replies our hero. "This is not a handicapped spot. Those are over there."
"My grandson is handicapped," bellows the beast. "I should know full well what a handicapped spot looks like."
"Ma'am, I assure you," reiterates the bold, undaunted knight. "I am parked legally."
"Look you ignorant Jew," bellows the demon, her disguise slipping slightly. "Move your damned car or I'll call the police!"
"Watch it lady," cautions sir Carl the valiant. "That's a pretty offensive statement."
"Anti-Semite, eh?" snarled the psychotic monster. "You and Hitler will get right along when you go to hell for making handicapped kids park all the way away from the store!"
"Excuse me?"
"MOVE YOUR CAR OR I'M CALLING THE COPS!" roars the she beast.
At this time, the valiant knight mounts his mighty charger and moves 1 spot to the right. The she demon abated, he moves forward to his task, entering the dark cave of Staples.
Old ladies are freaking strange.


just...there are no words. I tried to find a specific portion to post but it's all so good. QWP.