Metaquotes

So, over on fanficrants, alanahikarichan wants to know if anyone else thinks that dirty dreams are an overused plot device.

peace_piper responds with:

Word! Why can't one have a dream about being a ninja and then suddenly taking "The Red Pill" and ending up running from some blue body painted man who looks like Tim Curry chasing you and pops up out of a toliet and you have to defeat him by finding some magic blueberries, but there's all these cobwebs everywhere and you can't find them and now there's a gold body painting man chasing you who looks like Mr. Tumnus and he throws vines at you... No one in fanfic ever dreams about *that*.

QWP, just to be safe. (I'm a newb. I don't wanna get baninated on my first try.)

The ever amusing mapp

Bowling
I went bowling, ostensibly to celebrate Mr Raks' (</a></b></a>raksaksa) birthday, but mostly to prove to the world that I am still very, very bad at ten pin bowling. Out of the twenty five people playing, I managed to come second from last, beating </a></b></a>tiredstars by, I imagine, a point or two. I'll just keep myself happy by saying that, if it were golf, I would have done really well with that score. There should be a game that's a mixture between bowling and golf. Throwing big balls towards a hole in a park. That'd be a great game.

here.

scott_lynch has something to say to the fictional characters in his head here:

You'll get your chance. Seriously, it's not like I'm just going to forget about you. Go back to sleep, or whatever it is you do before the book gets written.

No, that was not meant to be condescending. It's just that you guys aren't up for another five or six books yet, seriously. You're not even on-deck. I've got other stuff I need to do first. Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't give a shit. Of course you can lift a horse over your head and toss it sixty yards, Vasaris, you're a maximum bad-ass undead muck-a-muck just like I wrote you to be. Your power nonetheless pales before that of my editor and the twin gods Contract and Publishing Schedule. Crawl back in your freakin' hole and watch some ESPN or something. You've been there a thousand years already; you can keep for two or three more.

It's like having a brain infested with overenthusiastic Ren Festers who all have in-depth proposals for new acts. I tell ya.

The comments are hilarious, too.

I was whinging about the results of a trip to the lingerie store, and squidflakes had this to say on the topic of large mammaries:

But.. I really like the big ones. Perky or no.. I don't care. The French used to say that the perfect breast fits inside a wine glass. I think the perfect breast can clog a toilet.

Also, I'm pretty sure I accidentally whacked Dakota Fanning in the head with a Paul Smith shopping bag on 6th Avenue while hurriedly buying gifts for friends and family on Christmas Eve. Which, in many cultures, is a sign of good luck for the coming year.

--jacksonpublick enjoys a traditional Christmas season, here.

In response to a friday five meme question:

3. What is the most important event you have been late for?

adr0ck tellingly replies:

"MY PERIOD!"

matanai's take on the correlation between that time of the month and moodiness:

"I *love* it when people assume girls are being bitchy because we're perioding. YES, EXACTLY. I MENSTRUATE 24/7, ALL DAYS OF THE MONTH, JUST FOR YOU, BABY."

Context? What context?

___allforyou from this post...

The New Jersey Turnpike is the rectum of America.

inept has to deal with some customers that are a bit confused about the content in The Producers. QWP and everything!

Chapter One
In Which People Are Absolute Morons

ME: lalalala I am cleaning and stuff
CUSTOMERS: EXCUSE ME. D:<
ME: o__o;; what...?
CUSTOMERS: WE HAVE A COMPLAINT.
LIZ: (ohhh boy...) May I help you?
CUSTOMERS: WE ARE OFFENDED.
LIZ: By what?
CUSTOMERS: WE HAD NO IDEA THERE WERE SWASTIKAS IN THE PRODUCERS. GIVE US OUR MONEY BACK. >:|
LIZ AND ME: o__o;;;;;;;;;;;

ME: lalalala I am cleaning and stuff
CUSTOMERS: GIVE US OUR MONEY BACK
ME: o__o why?
CUSTOMERS: YOU DID NOT TELL US THAT THE PRODUCERS WAS A MUSICAL
ME: (YOU MORONS) ... oh. Okay. Name and address?
CUSTOMERS: NEVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ARRRARRRR *bites head*
ME: *lobotomized by teeth*

Once again, loveliness from customers_suck, courtesy of millym. Original post, all of which is amusing.

You kids say what you want with your 30 facts about Chuck Norris. Bruce Lee snapped him like a twig before, and the moment Chuck gets up to heaven, Bruce will smile, shake his hand, they'll have a beer, then with an exaggerated scream, Bruce will jump-kick Chuck's ass through Mount Olympus.

That last image just nailed it for me and made me grin and giggle madly.

Quoted with permission from a locked entry by chaosphaere, who is in training to be an EMT:

Friday fives!

1. What is the most disgusting thing you would do for money?

Never ask anyone in the medical field this question. Chances are, we either already do that disgusting thing or we hope to be doing it some day.

And since I'm already telling you to do shit, lick a stranger's face today. Do it to a child while their parents are watching if at all possible.

-lord_of_spoons, here

In bellydancing, trixieleitz responded to this picture with:

I wish I could shoot lasers from my boobies.

context is for the weak!

bestweekever announced David Hasselhoff is getting a divorce and is *shudder* back on the market with this photo. (Caution: it’s barely worksafe.... but shouldn’t be viewed by anyone. EVER.)

ginnygoblin’s reaction: “Gah! WHAT’S HE DOING TO THAT PUPPY!?!?!?!?”



And now, I’m off to scrub my eyes with Brillo until the hurting stops.

From beerhorse
LOL! So, occassionally I'll be social with my co-workers. For some reason I told the story about cleaning out my grandfather's attic and finding my box of Barbie Dolls; they were all naked and headless. I explained that when I was a kid I used to like the hair on the Tropical Barbies, but they all had straight arms. I like the dolls with the bent arms because they could actually hold things. So, I used to pop the heads off and rearrange my dolls. :)

Co-worker: You know, life doesn't work that way.
Me: I know! I've tried it with boyfriends!

At that point I said, "Ok, I've given too much away, I've got to go," and left them all laughing at the table. :)

Talitha_kumi posts while pondering what to have for lunch...

I'd look really wierd buying a baby tree and eating it like a lollipop.

What, you want context? QWP.

tion's entire post:

Boarded windows up. Baracaded the door. Left signs claiming how much better tasting my neighbours are. Armed with a shotgun and fire. Have enough water and food for two weeks.

This is the price you pay for living two blocks from a cemetery.

The straight guys are in on the Brokeback Mountain love too, or at least northerncross is:

So, turns out Brokeback Mountain is really very good. Saw slightly more of Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger than I really wanted to see, but, hey, they're young gay cowboys in love. Can't fault them.

QWP, here.

Background: delacoeur is a psychology student. :)

Personality Theory today: Luciane was chatting about various behaviors and how we can explain them based on personality traits. We listed good and bad behaviors--mostly bad, like murder and lying and abuse, with very few good, like love and kindness. So she asked, "Can you have one without the other?" And immediately the Care Bears popped into my head. Child of the '80s, that's me. And then my mind went on a very scary tangent wherein the Care Bears Go Bad, and after five minutes of letting my mind wander, Gloomy Bear was standing victorious over the bloody carcasses of Sunshine Bear and Lucky Bear and all the rest.

It was kinda like Bambi vs. Godzilla, but bloodier.

My abnormal psychology textbook says, "...psychiatrists and psychologists may have long-standing emotional problems that stimulated their career interest in the first place."

Sometimes I wonder.

That's the entire post. Locked, QWP.

Apparently, Chuck Norris has found out we've been talking about him.

lance_prevert wasn't happy with Chuck's response, and thought our icon should have written something more like this:


"Dear Followers of the Church of Chuck (meaning everyone) -

As I sit across the room, making love to seven women and willing the keyboard to type this message, I can't help but wonder why it's taken so long to gain the admiration I deserve. I am Chuck Norris, after all.

I just want to make this clear: If you even think about forgetting me again, I will know, and I will visit your homes in the dead of night and roundhouse kick your family into dust. And when I say "roundhouse kick," I do mean just one, because that's all it will take. For your entire family. And your house. And your neighbor's house, if I'm angry enough. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

Also, if you haven't already bought my books, you will be dead before you finish reading this sentence. There is no compromise. I wrote them both in twelve seconds, on the back of a cocktail napkin, in calligraphy. They've already earned me 87 billion dollars, and God wants them to replace the Bible.

~ Chuck Norris"


Go here for the full post. QWP!! :D

Of course, if I believed humans were a rational race, I would have expected my incense burner to have been made of non-combustable materials.

vonjunzt, here.