January 6th, 2006

Bald Me
  • snowwy

Red Right Hand, the Cliff's Notes version

She's always got a magical way with words, but this time, I just had to find something in lilmissnever's recent posts to quote, and so...

If I was the sort of person who reads her horoscope, I probably would have opened the paper to the following warning: Leo, this is your week to stay away from dye. Dye is not your friend. For the love of God, put that bottle down and don't even think about it until January.

and...

I looked like I'd accidentally suffered a paper cut, whereas I was looking for more of a just-waded-through-a-slaughterhouse-in-my-underwear vibe.

Context is for the weak! But it'd be rewarding nonetheless.
agent may is unimpressed

Goin' to the Motherland

So the program that's so generously sending me to the Holy Land is called (very subtly) Birthright Israel. Basically if you are a nubile Jewish vixen of marriageable age (as I clearly am) - you get a free trip to your spiritual motherland, where, over a period of 10 days you will undergo an intensive prep-work in learning why Israel is Da Bomb (no pun... well....)

There also might be some sight-seeing involved, from what I understand.

Of course I immediately had a disabling attack of the scruples, upon hearing of this opportunity.

"Brainwashing!" I exclaimed indignantly.

"Free trip," The brochure replied phlegmatically.

I folded and began packing.

Then I noticed the mention of hiking. 'Man, have they got the wrong guy.'


--doqz, on why he went to Jerusalem before the winter holidays.
Peg 2015
  • pegkerr

ivyblossom attends a meeting

ivyblossom has some observations about a meeting here:

I spent a very entertaining morning with men in suits who use words like "utilize" and "presence management" while showing us their butt-ugly IM client that they think is the latest and greatest in the corporate world while asking us questions like "So, which of you are the tech guys?" and passing around their BlackBerrys so we can all see how busy and cool they are. I got to wear a little visitors pass that said "MUST BE ACCOMPANIED AT ALL TIMES". Very swanky place. Lots of greased hair and, inexplicably, really baggy pants. Why do men wear baggy dress pants to work? What are they concealing under all that fabric? Makes you want to write corporate slash, I tell you. (Their muffins, however, were crap. I'm prepared to go on the record about that.)
  • Current Music
    The Houses Of Winter
beyond the horizon

My First Metaquote!

Over on statements, viesti decides that "Yahweh" and "yaoi" sound alike, which prompts this exchange.

yahvah Hah. I read a book by Lenora Leet that claims the pronuncation of the tetragrammaton is ee-ah-oo-ah.

morigale Looks like God didn't create Adam and Eve OR Steve - he created old McDonald and his farm. X_X


Context n'est pas nécessaire, mais ici: http://www.livejournal.com/community/statements/9023961.html?thread=25568985#t25568985
Quoted with permission and all that good stuff.
headdesk

The price of living in paradise

telaryn Vs. Palmetto Bug here. The winner: To Be Determined.


Roach.

Big enough that Blackie (aka Psycho Ninja Kitty o' Doom) wouldn't go NEAR it.

No bug spray.

Telaryn fails saving throw vs. insectphobia. Also fails tennis shoe throw vs. insect.

Finally through a combination of blind luck and blind aim, manages to stun the fucker long enough to suck him/her/it up in the vacuum cleaner.

Moments later, fucker crawls *OUT* of the vacuum cleaner.

Lather, rinse, repeat. This time with Windex to slow him down and kleenex to clog the hose temporarily.

There's a reason I work so hard to suppress my inner girly nature. It ain't a pretty sight.

The vacuum cleaner is spending the night in the garage. At least if he/she/it escapes in there, I have a fighting chance.
Bear Nuts

More

joanofarq answers telaryn on her roach problems:

4:31 You know when I first moved down south, to Georgia, a man who drawled so much it took him two hrs. to say my name, told me with a totally straight face that the only way to kill one of those buggers is to pick it up, put it on the wall of your garage, and then ram it with your car about ten times.

My dogs roll in palmetto bugs (when they can snag 'em) like they're fresh kill from the steppes.

I'm surprised, having lived here your whole life, that they skiv you out so much. I barely notice the local flora and fauna anymore -- except the other day, when I saw an armadillo marching down the middle of our block like he owned it, it did give me pause.


5:08 Addendum: I just heard scratching at my glass patio door, looked up, and observed the Muther of All Raccoons demanding to be allowed into my house.

I yelled for the dogs who are asleep and totally uninterested.

Maybe I can locate the armadillo and enlist HIS help.
alanafish

(no subject)

Don't know if it's just me, but I found this highly entertaining. From a locked post by unsoftlyspoken, QWP.

'Had lunch with Megan today - Bonnie and her want to go to India PURELY so they can have a curry and watch real bollywood in a real bollywood cinema. They want to go to Mexico purely so they can eat a real burrito. I asked if she wanted to go to Indonesia so she could experience a REAL Indonesian drug trafficking trial, but she wasnt quite so keen.'
Anarchist, MatGB
  • matgb

Baby on board?

mdmnmdllr really doesn't like those signs:
Yeah, I know, you're saying "Why should this seemingly harmless announcement by a proud parent bother you?" Well, think about it. Is it really a proud parent, or is it instead some nervous nellie who shouldn't be on the road in the first place?  Isn't it, in fact, one of the most insulting things you could find?  It assumes you to be a reckless, out-of-control goon who needs to be told to drive safely.  "Be careful, you twit!" it sanctimoniously demands. "I've got a kid in the back of this vehicle, and you better be careful around me!" (Never mind if I slow you down or cut you off or drive as if I'm the only one on the road.  That doesn't count.  You still need to be careful of me.)  It assumes the far majority of people don't have better things to do with our time than playing demolition derby on our roads, targeting vehicles at random for mutual annihilation ...
Go read the rest. I hate the things as well, they're everywhere damnit!
Red Dwarf, eww, that's so wrong, wtf
  • cmzero

Consider yourself warned.

howardtayler reviews the movie adaption of Bloodrayne. He was less than impressed...

Okay, let's start with my instructions to you: no matter how enticing I may make this film sound, do NOT spend money on it. Don't see it in the theater, and don't rent it. Buying the DVD would be a crime against humanity. For that matter, don't bother seeing it for FREE, either. Spending your TIME on this film is a crime against your employer, your family, and the Baby New Year. You would be better off using an hour and thirty-four minutes eating junk food and watching Weather Channel repeats you've accidentally TIVO'd.

I'm serious. If I find out that you went and saw this film after I told you not to, I'll phone your friends up and tell them to go to your house and pour ants in your bed. And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you'll think "at least I'm not still watching BloodRayne."