December 28th, 2005

faerieworlds

Two funny

In a flocked post (QWP), solcita shares the lighter side of being a 911 dispatcher. Best line of the night, from her next-console-neighbor's call:

The officers are out at an apartment complex, investigating a report from a neighbor of what sounds like a physical domestic violence call. After a few minutes on scene, the officer says "Uh... what we have here is two people who are very much in love with each other ... and I kinda feel bad for interrupting."

And pathdancer's assets are frozen:
I was supposed to have paid December's tuition by now, but I had trouble getting to the credit card. I kept forgetting to take it out of the freezer so it could melt out of the block of ice it's encased in.

When I called her to give her the number so I could get my account paid up, I apologized and told her why I was so late.

She dropped the phone.


(also flocked, also QWP)
tattoo

No Yams for You!

albatrossity has a favorite radio station that no speakie English:
The hilarious problem of it all is that I know very little Spanish, so things can get pretty dicey when I try to sing along. For example, one of my favorite songs...sounds to me a little something like:

"vaca va
appaloosa ya
al la tenga sin yaro"

So that is what I sing along.

(The cow goes
gray with gray spots, yeah
to the having no yams.)
1st & 2nd ship: bad apple

(no subject)

In a comment, packhunt points out that someone may have some control issues.

As for your particular bitch fitter, she's probably like that because she has children, and, instead of being the adult and not allowing them to control her, has spun around and allowed them to pull the reigns in the household, subsequently turning her into a person who NEEDS to control every little thing in the world around her up to and including any line in any scene that involves her character, and one day she will stalk the halls of her RPG with an AK-47 and destroy DESTROY DESTROY!

Ph34r the bitch with the AK-47.

  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy
so goth i'm black

It's got FEATHERS.

merispork gets an...interesting...Christmas present.

So my mum, whom I love dearly, bought me the world's most godawful ugliest sweater on earth.
One word: feathers.
Two words: leather fringe.
Three words: Beige Crocheted monstrosity.

In a locked post, quoted with permission.

--Kitti
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Rebellious Oak

For all you less than 100% fit peeps out there...

book_of_daniel signs up for the gym. The whole thing is hysterical, but here's a quick sample:
How long have you been thinking about loosing weight and/or modifying your body image through diet and exercise?

“Should I play this straight or go with the smart ass response?” I pondered for a millisecond or two…

…as if I really had a choice in the matter…

“Birth” I wrote in neat block letters and then quickly moved through the remaining yes or no replies provided for the question and answer segment of our game.


QWP, natch.
avatar- blinking

*giggle*

QWP:

dindin was wondering why she's having food cravings. Someone suggested she post to am_i_pregnant. She responded with:


Maybe I should post to amicarryingthemessiah?

(Yes, she really did have bad username on the first comment. *laughs*)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
leaping stoat

(no subject)

On the subject of the band Bright Eyes, neev manages to put my own feelings into words.

I would just like to say, for the benefit of one and all, that BRIGHT EYES IS THE WORST BAND IN THE HISTORY OF HORRIBLE BANDS. It is the musical equivilant to paving a road with emo kids and then paving the emo kids with live cats and THEN RUNNING THEM OVER. With a Hummer. One of those shitty-ass fake ones.

Taken from this here post.

Bear!
  • drbear

Words to live by

From a post by nietzsche in bad_sex, recounting the story of an encounter with a gentleman of questionable hygenic practices, this comment by xsoupx, QWP:

"I think the moral of this story is that no matter how filthy you are, there's always someone out there who's had sex with someone filthier.
That's not a very good moral, but I can't be bothered to think of a better one."


...not that context is required, but the whole post is right cheer.
Yelchin

(no subject)

splashinpuddles has some good suggestions for disposing of a body on a locked post in my LJ. QWP.

Re: Disposal of body
If you dip the fingers in acid, remove the teeth, then burn the body, they won't be able to identify her, so you won't get caught ;)

I then asked about the problem of DNA being taken from the burnt corpse, to which she replied:

BBQ?

  • Current Mood
    amused amused

You know he would, too

Over at customers_suck, millym was rightfully ranting about movie theater patrons who think theaters have time machines:
Because more often than not, you have been bombarded with ads, and going 'omgomg need to see that must not crap self', you forgot to remember WHEN THE MOVIE WAS COMING OUT. Enlightenment thinkers John Locke and Voltaire would not approve. If Voltaire were here now, he'd say 'I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. Except for you. You didn't check when the movie was coming out, didn't you? Prick.'
The whole post brings out the funny.