December 19th, 2005

(no subject)

sylvantales discusses the idea of Christians using the ideals of Star Wars to convert young people. In the post:

"Hey, wouldn't it be awesome if you were a bad person all your life and you went up to the pearly gates and Jesus Force-choked you?"

Context. QWP.

EDIT: oliveoyl comments: "Because Jesus finds our lack of faith disturbing?"

Thanks caprinus ^^;
[end transmission]
  • Current Music
    [minmi] song of the seasons
transparent butterfly

(no subject)

delzinko's a pretty funny dude. His latest witticisms can be found here.


I have found so many tubes of lip balm secreted around my house that I am becoming fearful that I've got a sinister Fight Club double life going on only instead of being cool and punching fools, my Tyler Durden makes sure his lips are very, very moist.



(QWP)
Squee Kitty

Spam!

The many uses of spam.
Spam has proven to actually provide a service in my life: namely, it gives me lots and lots of convenient names for zombie victims. Better than the phone book, and right there in my inbox!

Thank you, spammers.

Thank you.

- - -

This quote was brought to you by cadhla and there's nothing I can say to improve it.
  • Current Music
    Wolfsheim - Once in a Lifetime

See you later, alligator...

"It took me several minutes to turn off the alarm this morning, because I was dreaming that I was an alligator, and alligators traditionally have issues working alarm clocks. This irritated the cats to no end, but that wasn't a problem for me, as alligators traditionally eat irritated cats."

--cadhla
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Titus by maerchen

(no subject)

Only Irish people Father Ted fans across the globe are likely to get this quote, from jennyanydots21:

Today the actress who plays Mary from Father Ted came into my Oxfam shop... Mary being half of the couple that are always trying to kill each other. I mentally ran through all her catchphrases, then realised that they're all a bit obscene for shouting across a shop. ("Yeh've a face like a pair of tits...") Fun, though.
moon

(no subject)

And another, slightly less culturally specific one, this time from autumnknees:

Things I have learned today #1: French people should at all costs avoid calling after their friend in the middle of Henry Street during the pre-Christmas rush if said friend is named Nicole, unless they want at least ten Irish lads turning around and yelling back at them: "Papa!"
Metal
  • ronwe

(no subject)

One of littlerae's chinchillas escaped from it's cage yesterday. [Pikachu is one of the other two]
From an f-locked post [QWP]

So I look up from my bed and turned on the light and I saw Pikachu looking RIGHT at me from an open cage, like "Good morning, I just wanted you to know, the door is open and Sam is missing. I would have shut the cage but I don't have opposable thumbs..."
normal

bigbigtruck double-whammy!

Presumably after the revelation that the NSA has apparently been wiretapping US citizens without warrants:

Dear National Security Agency:
They did say thirty minutes or it was free, and they confirmed the no onions, right? I know you guys can back me up on this.


And, in an earlier entry:

I've also been hearing a lot about this "war on Christmas" and would just like to say that if anyone knows which division or platoon is assigned to bomb and burn the villages of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and/or "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime", please let me know because I want to enlist.

Why she's not part of your friendslist, I don't know. (If she is, why none of you are metaquoting her, I don't know.)
Penguin
  • timba

From early this year

But I think there is no time limit on the funny.

eperidani is having trouble with her sons.

I do not know if I am pissed off or amused that two grown men can leave a loaf of bread open on the counter for two days; yet close up the bag of cat food that is used twice a day tightly each time they use it. The cat food is kept in a room with a closed door so that the cats cannot help themselves. Quote from one of the men, "We have bread?"
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Irene - self

(no subject)

I was feeling similar rage last night.

From a locked post by darkportal. QWP.

The PATRIOT ACT.

The war in Iraq.

Trying to prohibit gay marriage.

Bush has done a lot of stupid, unconsitutional, immoral things.

But right now he is INTERUPTING
FAMILY GUY.

He. Must. Pay.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Penguin Computer

Where do babies come from?

the_muffini says in a FO post (quoted with permission):

Today in the shower, yes I know it's a weird place to be thinking this, it just popped into my head: the first people on earth, how did they know that Tab A (guy) was supposed to go into Slot B (girl)? And when she became pregnant, how did they know what was happening? Did the kid just pop out and they figure "Oh, so THAT'S how we populate the earth! Let's fuck like bunnies and make some more!"? I mean, really.
Ariel sunglare

(no subject)

adventurepants brings up memories of childhood...and savage felines:

When the American Girls movie was on and I watched the first half, I couldn't remember how Penny eventually became Felicity's horse. So I just got out the books, and Felicity doesn't see Penny again until the fifth book. THE FIFTH BOOK! That seems so wrong. Especially since there is only one book after that, and in the end of that one, Felicity lets her dad take Penny to go fight in the Revolutionary War. (Stupid girl, I would never let my dad take my kitty to war.)

QWP, from here.
  • Current Mood
    restless restless
god is dead

(no subject)

zenicurean seems to be the only one I ever metaquote, but with good reason. For who could resist a snarky atheist?


Back when I was a kid Christmas had a strange, mystical glow to it. Presents (the more tacky, high-tech and plastic the better) and unhealthy food were everywhere you looked, and on every street corner there was a supermarket or Christmas sale or discount offer. Cheesy Christmas lights decorated illegally-procured spruce trees and everywhere you turned you could hear money changing hands. Nowadays, not so much. It's like the magic is gone. Crass spiritual interests are overtaking Christmas. It's all "good intentions" and "be nice to each other" and "reflection" and Jesus this and Salvation that and Holy Ghost and Virgin Mary. It's like we've forgotten the basics, the warm simple satisfaction of material consumption and uncontrolled gluttony.


You should undoubtedly read the whole entry for full effect.
Dog - River DOOM

(no subject)

Poor dayofjudah has a good perspective on her family, here.

 

I don't plan on writing, basically, a David Sedaris book only with my family because first of all, my family's not THAT dysfunctional. Second of all, I have never felt the impulse to lick every lamp post on a certain street until I did them all "correctly." Finally, as my favorite story of his goes, my sister has never requested a professional makeup artist to make her look like she had a gigantic bruise over one eye, then wandered the streets smiling and telling people that she was in love for the first time, she finally knew what it was.

We're a lot more laidback

QWP

possums

girls don't fart!

somethingwitchy explains about women and bodily functions over at bad_sex.

I tried to convince my boyfriend that women do not burp or, god forbid, pass gas. No. We do not have to go "number 2". I informed him that when we enter the bathroom, what actually happens is a magical experience that only women are (and pardon the pun here) privy to. You see, when a women drops trou in the bathroom, she is not actually doing anything Bad. We do not fart. We release puffs of rose scented glitter that showers down amongst the tiny unicorns (ridden by pixies, no less) that are busy cavorting around the toilet seat while a choir of butterfly winged fairies raise their voices in joyful song.

The whole story is well written and can be found here.
  • Current Music
    Panic! At The Disco - "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies"