Metaquotes

"let me introduce myself, i'm CEO of The Nosebleeds Club :\"

(by omygawdgirl in a post on how to stop nosebleeds)

(and the advice is awesome too)

litter_ladder said in onesentence:

The printer stopped putting out.

As you might guess from the community name, that's it . . .

theohara, here:

Why I Generally Do Not Get Invited Back To Proper Social Functions:

Neighbor #1: Oh, I love a goosedown pillow.
Neighbor #2: Oh, but they're so expensive.
Neighbor #3: Oh, I know, I know.
Neighbor #4: I got some at Big Lots... two for $30!
Neighbor #1: Oh, that couldn't have been real goosedown.
Neighbor #4: But it was!
Neighbor #2: Well, I'll be. Real goosedown?
Neighbor #4: Real goosedown.
Neighbor #1: But that's so cheap!
Me: God bless the avian flu, huh?

From this public post, QWP.

maypirate: "Talked to an anxiety specialist today. She said "You have classic OCD," and gave me assignments, like not asking my dad if his food is safe, and wearing the hat that I think is evil to prove it isn't. We'll see, hat. We'll see."

And in the comments, an anonymous user replies with:

"Well, now, if this is the hat that was forged from the elbow callouses of a convicted felon by a blind madman in the dark cellar of a Czechoslovakian insane asylum then I wouldn't be so sure. If nothing else, those huge spiraling horns are a dead giveaway. Also, it's dry-clean only, which is way sketchy."

allemande has lots of fun in choir.

Jeremy Woodruff, or Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy as he is known to the choir now, is the composer of the modern piece we're premiering next weekend (after singing some lovely Renaissance and Romantic music). The piece is weird enough as it is - it's for choir and percussion, the choir is divided into two choirs who sing totally different things (and are even in a different measure, which is why the piece needs two conductors!), the lyrics are all about death and destruction and tolerable chords are a bit rare.

But what makes the thing even stranger (and more hilarious) is that in the second part, we're singing excerpts from the Rheinberger (Romantic guy), but not on the original Latin text. We're singing them on "Jeremy".

That having been said, I think it might turn out quite cool in the end.

straycat in this unlocked post

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dar_actually has explored the Nine Circles of Nerd Hell:

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dimethirwen considers the nature of dryer lint:

"I mean, seriously. Isn't there some kind of... lint threshold? A number that can determine the slow tapering off of the amount of lint in the trap as inversely proportional to the amount of time you've owned a load of laundry, with variables for newer articles of clothing? And why, in the name of God, is this not something we learned in math class? These things that we absolutely need to know?

"After I thought about this for a bit, I proceeded to open up all of the dryers and examined their traps, scraping off lint with my fingernail and examining it a nose length away. After a few minutes, someone came in and took their laundry out of the dryer, giving me a puzzled look as I mumbled under my breath about thresholds and math class and llamas and lint.

"... commit me. Seriously. Just do it."

illstarred, at the begining of a fic:

Warnings: Trivial Pursuit. Oh, and graphic incestual sex.

The Obligatory Link, though I warn you, it does indeed lead to trivial pursuit and graphic incest.

madame_enjolras on Bronte and Rowling:


An observation by a classmate on the first five chapters of Jane Eyre (in which ten-year-old Jane suffers abuse from her aunt and cousins and is sent to a boarding school): "Oh, it's just like Harry Potter!"


QWP, entire post.

woodwardiocom is often quite funny, and this, QWP, is even better than usual:

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The actual post is here, and the comment threads are as good as the post, so I recommend checking them out as well.

How crisiks loathes thee.

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ignipes just got back from seeing Narnia, and has a few things to say about it. QWP, not very spoilery even if you haven't read the book.


3. I'd like to thank the folks at Disney for addressing one of the most burning cinematic unsolved mysteries of the past few years. Question: Where did the forces of Mordor go after Sauron was destroyed at the end of Return of the King? Answer: To Narnia, to join the White Witch, without even stopping to change costumes or makeup. Seriously.

3b. On a related note: That minotaur-creature standing on the rock and roaring to rally the Evil Troops to battle? Uh, yeah. Seen that before, too. In The Two Towers, right outside the walls of Helms Deep. I think even the camera angle was identical.


Go check out the rest of the post. The entire thing's worth it.

palliddreamer gets tired of the IV folks calling every 45 minutes to ask about the TPN* forms that aren't due for a couple hours. So he starts answering in other ways:

*RING*
Me: Level two nursery.
IV: Do you have any TPN orders yet?
Me: Actually yes, we have about thirty of them. All filled out.
IV: Great! Could you send them down so we can get started?
Me: No, we really can't.
IV: ??
Me: In fact, I'm going to send all thirty at 13:59. Cheers! *click*

*RING*
Me: Domino's Pizza! Can I take your order? . . .

But really, to get the full effect, the one which had me laughing to tears, read the whole post. It's the escalation as time goes by, and I particularly loved the rest of the pizza...

*Total Parenteral Nutrition, for small babies.

speacechilde loooooves retail (flocked, QWP, emphasis mine):

I think one of the very best things about my job (and I'm the first to admit, it's a very sparse category--not unlike the Oscar for Best Actress) is that people sing to me.

For some reason, guests are unable to remember either the titles of songs or the artists who recorded them. Thus, they enlist my support, asking "Who does that song? You know, the one on the radio that goes like..."

Today, one middle-aged woman performed the Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha" as I looked on in detached horror.

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?/ Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me..." she caterwauled, adding a wholly unnecessary but vastly entertaining improvised dance number--pitched somewhere between Ellen-Degeneres-on-NyQuil and Drunken-Welshmen-on-Soul Train--to the mix.

"You know which one I'm talking about?" she asked breathlessly, after she'd finished her impromptu routine.
"I have no idea," I replied. "How does it go again?"

Beware the Starbucks menu, for it is seductive and tempting and will con you into buying drinks with coffee in them though you do not want coffee.

From blueraccoon, here

Everyone should write a letter to father christmas, as did sandracarol

I am just writing to let you know how disappointed I am in your failure to manifest this year. I know ceasing to exist is something you do for every child at some point, but really, have you considered how this affects the parents.

From this post at ohnotheydidnt, brghtyoungthing makes a comment, referring to Diane Keaton and Keanu Reeves:

watching them in something's gotta give was like watching statuary rape.

Statuary rape? Would that look something like this?

My beloved wife, lien_the_lost, on breaks between cramming for finals. (Note: Michelle is her step sister.)

An earlier break involved a "Michelle Moment", in which I attempted to fry raisins. In case you couldn't guess, this was not a success. I melted a big rubber spoon, made the house smoky, and recieved minor burns from oil splatters on my stomach (I didn't want to get grease on my shirt, so I took it off in advance because I am just THAT brilliant).

Context here.

Editted, because I was afraid my icon would offend someone.

kicktothehead Has a little trouble with people not filling out their cover sheets they send her.

To the eleven different students who didn't fill out the cover sheet:

Every time you don't fill in a cover sheet, God punches a baby.


Original post here.

[Now unlocked, because for some idiot reason I locked it - prolly so used to doing it for myself.]

tom_kiper has a go at a meme goin' around.  Some selected entries:

How does someone make you happy?
By finding the cure for cancer. Lazy bastards, the lot of you. Your clear lack of concern for my continued happiness makes me sick.

How do you want to be treated when you are sick?
With antibiotics.

What do you share with others?
Hatred of stripes.

The whole thing is quite snickerworthy.