Metaquotes

16. Do you put presents under the tree?

No, I put them on my head and sell myself to an art museum as modern art.

--mice answers a Christmas-themed meme.

When tybalt_quin mentioned that she was a leeetle too fond of Mr Tumnus, in a recent post, we got to discussing the relative merits of, well, Goats and Emperors. QWP.

tybalt_quin made the following observations ...

Okay. The Emporer is evil. He's twisted, cruel, sick, twisted, nasty, twisted, old, twisted and generally bad (and twisted).

Mr Tumnus, by contrast, is a lovely, nice, kind, generous, a little frightened and noble person who just happens to have a lower half that's all goat, all the time.

...at least my squicky preference has a hot top half and a dodgy bottom half whereas we both know that the Emperor is all grey and all wrinkly all over.

I would rather take goat hooves over twisted, scarred old man with grey skin any day of the week.

I would reinforce my argument by pointing out that whereas premature ejaculation from Mr Tumnus could be messy and lead to profuse apologies, premature ejaculation from Emporer Palpatine would probably be fatal.

"Fanfiction.net is like Vegas: the odds of winning are wildly against me, but I can't stop pulling the lever." - penfold_x, here

Said by felinephoenix on JF, about the Cherry Garcia ice cream wank:

"How the hell can someone wank over having ice cream? You have freaking ice cream, there is no need to wank, unless you want to get kinky."

miyachan's friend Kalen sent her a translation of a chinese zine's question and answer column.

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Full post can be found here.

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Oh, the joys of rant communities.

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Context/Post: http://www.livejournal.com/community/bad_rpers_suck/2107166.html?thread=37881630#t37881630

About Brokeback Mountain, in sanfrancisco: It's a new movie where the good guys get it in the end. - greenwavedave

My fascinating friend, evergrey, had this alternative take on the theology behind 'The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.'

I know C.S. Lewis was chistian and it was all symbolic, but I still say it seemed more Norse than christian. I mean, Between Odin and Jesus sacrificing themselves, which one would be more likely to have a crafty plan, come back, use the breath of life, wage war, and kill the enemy?

And the Santa claus, giving weapons as gifts, well...

In this post by audiodrops , she explores the duties of an American citizen.

"I feel like I should use this journal to post my world-changing political essays, and make deep, thought-out statements about the state of the world, religion, and my very heart as an American citizen, or indeed, as a teenaged caucasian woman.

...

But as I don't have anything to say that fits any of those criterias, I'm not going to.


PANTS PANTS PANTS!"

QWP.

On scans_daily, they're discussing Chick Tracts. Specifically, this one. So, of course, this happens:

""So... if I die and go to Hell, I'll be tortured for all eternity?"
"That's right, Jimmy."
"And if I go to Heaven... I won't be?"
"No, of course not, Jimmy. There's no torture in Heaven."
"Not even... well... not even maybe a little nipple play. You know, if I asked for it?"
"What??? No, of course not!"
"Well, gosh... I guess I better get busy worshipping Satan then.""
- gillen, here.

Hee hee.

So kyburg thinks she found the perfect Xmas gift for the avarage blogger:

A RSS collector that puts the feeds on toliet paper.
For the bathroom. Looks like it has a USB connection -
Pic of the product in question.
Yes. This would be a good Christmas gift. Geek with me.
And wipe your ass with the latest crap from CNN.

sunsitenthai, here. QWP even though it's not friends-locked.

Humans are like zits.

They start out small, and then they grow, and when they get big enough they sort of take over your life.

And if you squeeze them too hard eventually their heads pop off.

downwood posts here:

ThinkGeek.com needs to come out with their own line of condoms. They can advertise them as "Antivirus and Copy Protection - all in one anti-static package"

cmpriest discusses her distrust of Mac's:

I know that many people swear that Macs are so much better than PCs and they're so much more stable and so much easier to use, and that's fine. I'm not here to start any fights, and if you love your Mac in a carnal, unholy way -- then that's between you and your slightly sticky keyboard, and it's no business of mine.

From the journal of targaff, on one of the more novel reasons to buy a book.

A friend of mine, when wandering around Waterstones, once picked up and subsequently bought The Communist Manifesto, not because it was something he had any great desire to read, but rather because he thought it was something one should read. I poo-pooed this concept and I still believe to this day that there is no such thing as a book you "should" that does not first come under the category of books you want to read. Frankly I've learnt more from Dragonlance books than I have from "must-read" books such as this, which is why, when the look-at-me-I'm-a-literati book meme comes around again it goes into the pile of other moronic memes that I pay no attention to.

The reason I mention this, however, is because I've just bought a copy of The Communist Manifesto on Amazon; not because I have any desire to read it, nor, naturally, because I feel that I "should" read it - it will go on the shelf unread, if the bin doesn't rush to intercept it first. But it was the first book I found that only cost a quid and buying it saved me £1.80 on Amazon shipping costs, and I'm now trying (and failing, on account of the late hour) to decide whether there's any irony involved in buying a book on communism purely to save money.


from here,

crazy_weretiger is having a bit of trouble with self-righteous yet misinformed shoppers.

Me: Paper or plastic?
Guy: You didn't just ask me that.
Me: ...
Guy: Have you ever been to Yosemite?
Me: ...Yes.
Guy: Because if you have seen the trees there, you would not be asking me 'paper or plastic'.
I ended up giving him double paper inside plastic. :) I think when it comes to people like that, we should be allowed to ask "Paper, plastic, or fur of a baby seal?"




Ah, customers_suck, how we love thee. Some of the comments are priceless as well.

i'm sure we've all had people posting the wishlist meme to their flists. you know the one, with the paragraphs of instructions that no-one really reads?

dushtiche makes hers totally worth the read:

The important thing is, to wonder if anyone reads after the first paragraph of this meme.

- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you are friended with billionaires, or at least multi-millionares. The more zeros in their bank balance means bigger rewards for yourself. If there's only one zero, then don't invite them. They just eat the cake at the party and vomit on your carpet.

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dailybecoming rewrites a scene from Shakespeare's Othello...with rednecks!

Examples:

"Otis- Yessir! Butch is a straight shooter
G’night ya’ll, yack at ya later.
[to Darcy May] Com’on baby cakes; the cows been bought, the milk is free, lets git home and get busy!"

...

"Mikey- No offance ya’ll but to save my soul Ima dun fer tonight.

Butch- yea me too.

Mikey- Lets git to work, God forgive us. You don’t be thinkin’ Ima drunk! I can stand on two feet, solid as a oak trunk; I knowd my right frommy left hand an I aint a slurin my words none either.

All- Yeehaw!"


Full post is fantastic (not terribly long--definitely worth the read), and includes a link to the text of the original scene.

Neil Gaiman proves, once again, that he lives an interesting life.

"What's that noise?" said Matthew.

"Er, a plane?" I suggested.

"I think it's pipes," said Jane. "Something in the pipes."

Matthew looked out of the window doubtfully. "Oh, it's okay," he said, relieved. "It's just a man with a flamethrower."

mapp writes a review of Narnia here:

Mapp versus Narnia
If you don't know the plot of the book (and, by extension, the film), then here's a very short summary:
1) Children are evacuated.
2) Children find wardrobe (see the "Wardrobe" bit of the title).
3) Children find Mr Tumnus and the Witch (see the "Witch" bit of the title).
4) Children find Aslan, a lion-turned-metaphor-for-Jesus (see the "Messianistic Lion" bit of the title).
5) There's a fight.

He ends with an aside, which even a non -WoW player like me thought was amusing:

* I was sad enough that, when I saw one of the minotaurs, the first thing I thought was "Oooh! Tauren!". And then they were fighting the centaurs, and I wanted the Tauren minotaurs to win.

(full review has spoilers, but if you haven't read the book by now, well, you're not human)

Someone gets mixed up about semi-colons and colons, and shippo observes:

"Grammar-Hitler is probably spinning in his grave."

Over, in note_to_cat, hatssong write

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Love
The person that torments your FUZZY OMG CUTE BELLY!

In this thread ranting about Doctor Who badficcers, randomsome1 makes this observation:

The bible according to badficcers: Jesus lived a long, productive life with his misunderstood bad-boy lover, Satan. After helping Satan see the light, he died, was stuck
in a cauldron, and came back as a young sheep. [/crossovercrack]