Metaquotes

In fanficrants, dorknessrising complains about, in essence, poorly written fanfiction hosted at AFF. In response:


foxtrot_pasta: Um, you're reading at aff.net and expect coherency? Can I have some of whatever you've taken?
dorknessrising: Good point, good point...I blame my sappy idealistic side who insists that people who can work a web browser are at least moderately proficient in English, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
foxtrot_pasta: *shakes head* Someone really needs to show the kids the REAL world.
dorknessrising: "But Mommy, MTV sucks!"
foxtrot_pasta: I'm giving you a pop quiz on Britney's career tomorrow and if you don't answer every single question right you'll be grounded for the rest of your life!
dorknessrising: *sporfle* WIN!

uiggu writes an interesting essay on the Opium War:


Brits: WAIT!!!! UL LOVE OPUIM ITS KEWL U SHUD TRY IT
China: ... K WOTEVA

--> China may not reply because s/he appears to be offline


--> China has signed in

China: ... U COCKSCUKERS!!!!111
Brits: ROFL

agreenbunny is a rethinking her eating habits after opening her email.

Quoted with permission

In this post about "the true meaning of Xmas", gogogidget recalls the real reason for the season:

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QWP, fleur in response to sharkynell lamenting the fallout of a breakup:

The universe may be infinite, but ex boyfriends are certainly not.

Here.


ETA a Meta-Meta from ginalin:

Bill O'Reilly is living proof that Joseph McCarthy was cloned in a secret lab somewhere.
Probably by J. Edgar Hoover in a pink tutu and Dr. Evil.

My dear Friend khuckie is not my most prolific poster, yet in her brevity is truly the soul of,...oh, something or other. In its entirety:

I was just reading through a few newspapers online, as I do most mornings. And I stumbled across a story that made my head explode.

James Cameron is planning a sequel to "Titanic".

Um.

Dude. It sank.

Gonna have the actors drown some more? Maybe it's just Leo and his journey to the bottom of the ocean after Kate let him go. Not sure where he's planning to go on that one.

Here, yo.

::sets the over-under on the first "OMGWTF Spoiler!" post at 14:57 UTC::

My good friend christinedaae (if you'll notice, we aren't the same person - I have an extra "a" somewhere in my username!) is ( Collapse )

Locked post, quoted with permission. Only my second metaquote, please don't eat me!

Too good to really pick which part to quote, too long to quote in entirety. q_pheevr sheds light on the "Wrathful Dispersion controversy" and its struggle with the more historical linguistics:

In the early days of evolutionary linguistics, Babelists used to taunt French-speaking evolutionists with cries of "Your father was a Roman!" W[rathful] D[ispersion], by contrast, acknowledges that languages can indeed change over time, and some Wrathful Dispersionists even concede that modern French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, and so on may actually have developed from Latin after all. The existence of Latin itself, however, and its mutual unintelligibility with, say, Old Church Slavonic or Proto-Bantu, could only have arisen through the wrath of the disperser. When asked to provide evidence for the existence of a single global language in pre-dispersion times, they reply that of course no such evidence can be found, because the disperser in his wrath was quite careful to obliterate all traces of it.

The Flying Stratificational Grammar Monster makes a later appearance. Go forth and read.

On my flocked entry about watzing, especially contradance waltzing, kitten_of_love said,

"I am afraid of contra, because nobody seems able to define it. It's like the tofu of dance, apparently."

It made me laugh out loud at work.

in the community baaaaabyanimals, doorinward posted a picture of a baby pangolin, which sparked a few comments. one, in particular, was amusing.

from the silly mind of dragon_spirit

I love pangolins. They're like half anteater, half artichoke.



this got a rousing giggle from me this morning.

In a conversation here (self included for context), avaaricious has a peculiar meeting of Harry Potter and Shakespeare:
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eithnepdb tried the facial recognition software located here.

The results?

"Okay...I submitted three different pictures. I got Julia Roberts twice and Aretha Franklin once.

They need to tweak that thing."

From a locked post, QWP.

From coitus_rocks's latest post.

A quote for life:
"Never lie, steal or cheat. But if you must lie, lie to someone who's gullible. If you must steal, steal from someone you hate. And if you must cheat, use a condom. There's nothing worse than going on Ricki Lake to have some bitch tell you that you're her baby's daddy."

-Seth Murphy



No context needed, as that is the entire thing. QWP.

jenny_myer is all about equal opportunity. QWP, but f-locked.

The thought is so appealing- of getting involved with Scientology just to be able to f- with religious righters who insist that addressing all religions in schools would be simple and fair.

"Here Suzy! Happy No-Dead-Aliens-In-My-Soul Day! Would you like another cup of punch?"


Obligatory Linky

In mock_the_stupid , tamango23 describes a phone sex call ( Collapse )

peaseblossom03 comments with, "18 shall be the age of the participants, and the age of the participants shall be 18. The age of the participants shall not be 17, nor shall they be 16. Fifteen is right out."


I LOL'd.

Oops, the link is here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/mock_the_stupid/2039709.html#cutid1

I officially changed my major to creative writing last Monday.

God, I can't wait until I'm living under an overpass. I wonder what my hobo nickname will be...

- brown_jackknife

Found in the infamous Oh No They Didn't community.

In response to a user post about a run-in with Avril Lavigne, ending in: "She simply asked me 'And you are???'"

lisbonlovesjacq replies:
'And you are???'

I hate how people get defensive and use the OMG U RNT AN XPERT RETRAD excuse when they can't take criticism.

"Hey, you're about to run a red light.." OMG STFU YOU ARE NOT FORD.
"That music sounds awful.." OMG STFU YOU ARE NOT BEETHOVEN.
"Green doesn't look good on you.." OMG STFU YOU ARE NOT VERSACE.

"I must have missed Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer being one of the apostles in the Bible." --klb7862 in this post.

By broken_gizmo from comments on this metaquotes thread.

So, my father got to choose what day they would be getting married. My parents were married the day after my father's birthday. One day, I asked my dad about this.

Dad, why did you choose the day after your birthday to get married? Wouldn't your anniversary be easier to remember if it was on your birthday?
Oh hell, no. See, this way, when your mother tells me "Happy Birthday", I have 24 hours to get an anniversary gift. If it were on my birthday... no warning system.

A wily man, my father.

Reposted friends-locked entry from tea_thyme-- Bus Stop Adventures!


Me: sitting at the bus stop, wearing headphones, sunglasses, and reading a book.
I thought that this would be enough to keep people from talking to me. Apparently, I was wrong.

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Here on fanficrants, hazelnut_snark rants about people thinking that masturbation must be justified in wankfic. In the comments, this ensues:

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In my last entry, amidst song recommendations and the revelation that I would have made a really good invalid had I only been born on time, I mentioned how damn impossible I find reading Heart Of Darkness to be.
jadedsquirrel replied with:

HoD is, in my opinion, much more readable if you start vocally comparing it to Lovecraft and get people to help you re-write it as "The Dreamquest to Inner Africa and the Many Tentacled Kurtzogoroth that Lurked Within the Hearts of Men (But Mostly Under the Surface of the Congo)". But that's just me.

mom_almighty strikes again!

In the beginning, there was The Idea.

And the National Geographic guys trekked upon camels through distant lands and arrived at a meeting with the studio execs in a manger filled with straw, and lo the camels did rest and frolic with the sheep and cows and other manger-dwelling animals.

And the National Geographic guys said unto the studio execs, We want to make a feature-length film about penguins.

And lo, the studio execs did roll their eyes.

And the National Geographic guys said unto them, 93.2% of the film will be nothing more than birds either walking around or standing still, against a white background that essentially never changes.

And the studio execs said unto them, You whack jobs! What made you think we'd green-light a project that sounds so derivative and boring that it makes Gigli look avant-garde by comparison? Did you arrive here on the Special Bus?

And lo, the National Geographic guys despaired.

But then, an angel appeared before the studio execs and He said unto them, Behold! For I am Morgan Freeman! And I will narrate your bird movie.

And the studio execs looked at each other and said unto Him, o_O_o. This is a whole different thing now. For you, Morgan Freeman, are one kickass mofo, and we will roll with you 'til the wheels fall off.

And thus, on the cold winter's night, in the manger, surrounded by the studio execs and the National Geographic guys and the camels and the sheep and the cows and the angel Morgan Freeman, March Of The Penguins was born.

And the world rejoiced.

And it was Good.


Disclaimer: It actually was really good. I enjoyed it immensely. I just had to give props to Morgan Freeman, because only he could turn footage of a bunch of penguins walking around on a glacier into a riveting movie with plot and danger and romance and everything. He is one kickass mofo

la anthropología es la gran puta mierda asquerosa chupavida coño mamajuevo carajo chingato hijueputa, puta puta puta puta puta. another night of staying up til the fuckin' sun.


–clickdedoo, in a locked post, QWP

My lovely fallenzer0 discusses her father's refusal to let her remove her cannibalistic fish from her tank:

Darwin is a hypocritical motherfucker though, that dead bastard.


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F-locked post, so QWP!

At the end of her post concerning the latest of VMars, fox1013 points out how she knew who was behind Veronica's door.



P.P.P.P.S. I called that it was ( Collapse ) at the door. That is because I am AWESOME AND BRILLIANT. Or, you know, because I've SEEN TV BEFORE EVER.


Edit: Icon changed to protect innocent eyes and spellcheckers everywhere.