Metaquotes

Not particularly philosophical or anything, but it still made me giggle.

wavesandmoon posts in statements:

Subject: Oh, yeah, I killed that feather fluff dead.
A bit of stray feather fluff from my pillow slid over my face; I thought it was a bug and proceeded to panic and hit myself in the face to kill it.

spaced_oddity posts in statements on something they read in their Pol Sci class:

"They smashed the windows of a local restaurant and health food store, spray-painted graffiti on walls, and disrupted a city council meeting by vomiting on Eugene's mayor, Jim Torrey."

shady_lane responds:

Hell of a way to disrupt a meeting.

Councillor, I motion for you to SHUT U-UAHHH OH SWEET JESUS THAT WAS AN ARMANI ORIGINAL KNOCKOFF

Because I have one from jmhm. The context is how Bob Woodward's current treatment from the rest of that darn pesky Dominant Liberal Media Culture™ answers the oh-so-burning question "would they have been so mean to Judy Miller if she were a man?" ( Collapse )

Full post here.

From a bit of comment-tagging in my own journal, I uncovered this wee snippet from my not-wife:

revhhkitty: My friend Emmy has a tattoo of a piratey skull and crossbones in the pit of her arm that has a banner reading "AAAAAARRRRRMPIT!"

How awesome is that?

Awesome enough to be metaquoted, my tartling.

And yet even though I've got a pretty high pain tolerance, all I can think is how much that mo-fo must've hurt. Yikes.

The three headlines from MSN Monday (linked from my hotmail account):

Why aren't you married yet?

10 marriage myths

Coping with holiday depression.

Think any of those have something to do with one another? Hmmmmm.

From here.

mapp is trying his best (here) to encourage members of the Exeter University Live Action RolePlay society to attend the only game the society is currently runnning. It just so happens that the last time he advertised it, no one turned up except him and a select cohort of his housemates. I'd quote the entry in full, but he must've taken ages over all the word-processing, so here is Scene 2 (of 4):

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Please read the whole thing, it's eye-wateringly brilliant :D

Re: Mannheim Steamroller's "Deck the Halls"

Holiday songs should not evoke images of a skinny guy in curly 70's hair running along an interstate, training no doubt for the Battle of the Network All-Stars. - pentomino

Context is here. :)

A comment made by azarias  about finding the perfect person to play Jeroen the Doctor if the comic book The Authority ever became a motion picture, as comic books tend to do these days.

I just had my view of Jeroen shocked into place today. I was watching the Angelina Jolie episode of Inside the Actor's Studio while badgering Roommate #3 into letting me buy him lunch, and there was a cute Dutch boy in the audience. He asked Angelina a question and my jaw dropped. My tongue rolled to the ground. A tiny little pod-me walked out across this impromptu red carpet carrying a sign reading 'HELLO PRETTY DUTCH BOY! YOU WILL BE JEROEN IN MY FANTASY CASTING! COME WITH ME!'.

I recomend reading the thread if you like really really good Authority fanart. Thread here.

a_white_rain complains about Harry Potter characters in HBP here and its_art explains:

JK had to kill off Sirius. Because if he had survived, during HBP he would have slapped everyone around for being such ninnies.

talkingpotato, having lost her Tivo'ed documentary footage about the great Plague, muses on what Livejournal may have been like back in the bad old days...

QWP, etc. Context here.

Day 1: Some guy died, looked v. nasty. My new dress came in. Tres chic! Oh oops Im in London, don't speak French.

Day 2: 100 people died! People dying in the streets! You can't throw sewage without it landing on one of the neighbors. Major gag quotient. Dress is already dirty.

Day 3: Everyone in the village is dead except for the chicken bung seller, Mr. Bung.

Day 4: How am I writing this? I'm of the peasant class and am illiterate! Must *cough cough*..arrrrrrrrgh

Day 5: Just kidding. Mr. Bung and I got married. I'm now Mrs. Bung and we shall now rebuild London- perhaps rename it Bungdon.

tritium discusses gender branding in children's toys here

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mistressmiller is frustrated by the christmas season here on customers_suck

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deltashade made me laugh out loud with this comment here.

Any politician who voluntarily samples ABBA would get my vote.

I for one welcome our palindromic Swedish overlords.

Found here

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nursetwiggy has fond memories of her childhood.

BATTLE ARENA TOSHIDEN 3. I remember playing that with our group of friends (which, obviously, consisted of six guys and me) six years ago! Or seven? Yeah, I think seven is closer. The oldest guy who lived in the neighborhood (okay, so they all did) always played with Kayin because he looked like him, the one who was in the same class with me always chose Ellis just to irritate us, I always picked David because he had a chainsaw (what? :D) and my brother always sided with Chaos because that character knew how to throw up on others.

They were all talking about how Jesus was going to come back since today was supposedly 'Advent' or something. Which totally made me think of Sephiroth. Holy crap, that's basically saying Sephiroth is Jesus. ... I'm done.

Because you know what? When he came in like... well, when he came the first time, 8| a hell load of people didn't accept him for who he was. And THEN look what happened.

WELL JESUS WILL BE GAY THIS TIME AND HE WILL BE TESTING YOU ALL.

- daytron_seed, in a locked entry, and with permission.

liz_marcs talks about watching a documentary about a hell house, in which the organisers try to re-create a rave.

And can I just add? Most. Unenthusiastic. Ravers. Ever.

There are raves on Law & Order that looked more realistic. There are raves on Seventh Heaven that looked more realistic. There are ameoba in fetid pools that don't even know what raves are who could pull off a more convincing rave.

Here

mortalterror has amusing tidbit:

Get back in the KITCHEN!
You're Kurt Godel, German, genius mathematician, respected the world over for your contributions to number theory. You've got a problem. Your wife is sick. Worse, you're wife is sick and you're hungry. More specifically, your wife is sick, you're getting hungry, and people are trying to kill you.

When you're not mathematically disproving the provability of mathematics; or hanging out with your buddy Einstein, you wear heavy woolen sweaters in the middle of summer. You leave the windows of your house open in winter. Perhaps that's why your wife is sick. Perhaps the only person trying to kill you, Kurt Godel, is you, Kurt Godel.

You sure could go for a sandwich, Godel. Right now, that would really hit the spot. Don't fix it yourself. That's what the woman is for. Besides all the food in THIS house is poisoned by your enemies. The neighboring houses too, probably. Your enemies are cunning devils who thought of everything didn't they? Right down to your wife getting sick and you never learning to cook.

They hate you at the grocery store. They spit in your food at restaurants. Maybe your wife's not as sick as she looks. Maybe you could make your own sandwich, just this once. Alright stop. Look in the mirror. Would you trust this man not to poison you? Go check on your wife. Maybe she's feeling better.

Maybe you died of starvation on January 14, 1978.

In a comment in deanmoriarty77's journal:

Me: "My dad, Captain high-school-diploma-conservative-abortion-is-murder-no-more-taxes Man is even freaking about oil reserves. He thinks we'll live in caves 20 years from now. I think that'd be pretty awesome."

bourgeoishippy: Your father's right, but only the wealthy will have caves. You need to start turning your feelings of class envy into expressions of cave envy and work to ensure speluncular equality for all.

Speluncular Equality!

The comments to this metaquote amuse me far too much:

bastmoon
But if his sick wife is traveling on a train speeding south from point A to point C at 112mph, and his enemies are taking a car driving west from point B to point C at an average speed of 65mph, how many hours would it take for Godel to make his own sandwich, if said sandwich used mustard instead of mayonnaise and was lightly toasted?

Show all work.


outofbeta
A fish.


bastmoon
I said SHOW ALL WORK!!! ZOMG!!!


outofbeta
D'oh, sorry :/

Mummy fish + daddy fish - (gender confusion + queer theory + contraception + infertility + Ann Coulter) + love each other very much = a fish.

jestaariadne takes issue with the TV licensing people, and sets out to draft a reply to their letter accusing her of TV possession here, as she becomes increasingly irritated.
They're all amusing, but...

In attempt 3. Yours faithfully, despite persecution

In attempt 4. I do not apologise for any hints of snark in this letter - believe me it's nothing compared to what I contemplated writing.

And finally she cracks:
Sir/Madam,
I don't have a TV. Go away. I don't like you.
The poor person you're harrassing who can ill afford a stamp to send this, let alone a TV license, LET ALONE A TV,
PS. Your adverts are stupid.

stratushero does his patriotic duty:

Anyway, Madonna's "Hung Up" video is also my new best friend. Any 47-year old who can pull off dry-humping the floor in a pink leotard and DDR-ing it for the big finale gets my vote.

For,um, president. Sure. What? It would be an improvement.

lothie ponders (locked post, QWP):

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This comes to us courtesy of millym, posted at customers_suck

Enter 40 year old man. He is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a rubik's cube fused with those paper fortune teller things that usually ended with slander. The man is diving into a three foot high pool. Please note that this is an act of stupidity so amazing it could power star drives. He dives not once, but repeatedly, despite constant warnings to keep himself from killing himself inadvertantly, and then being used for a higher purpose, probably powering star drives. He doesn't listen.... Next he'll be trying to jam metal into an electrical socket while trying to retrieve stuck toast in a plugged in toaster with an additional fork.


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cleolinda got quite a surprise from her mother when she reminisced about a business trip that didn't go as expected:
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A public school teacher. In Salt Lake City, no less. Yeah, I'm sure that that sort of thing would go over real well with the local school board.

from cupcakery in zombie_for_pm, about, of course, the upcoming Canadian election:

"Our candidate's platform includes reforms upon corpse deposition, food trade within NAFTA, medical care, education and inventing dead foetus-run cars."

Found in the_s_guy's journal.

"And once again, wannabe-manager egos and stupid made-up policies shall be crushed beneath my sandalled feet. Perhaps I should buy some sandals for the occasion."

Full story here.