November 13th, 2005

shoebox

(no subject)

binks has some troubles at work, here.

Me: And what kind of wrapping paper would you like?
Customer: Well, it's for a man...
Me: Oh. Well ... what kind of paper would you like?

Do you think we have paper labeled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WOMAN!" or "GOOD JOB ON HAVING A PENIS" or something?
agent may is unimpressed

The wonderfulness of alternate universe books

jim_smith taunts mike_smith via comments after the latter finishes reading and reviewing Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince without having read the other five books:

Hey, Mike, I've been reading this book called "Reginald Arthur Brown and the Secret Horcruxes," and it is so awesome! It's an action-packed roller-coaster ride, with thrills, chills, and spills! Reggie Brown is such a competent, brilliant wizard, and he always knows what to do and how to finesse his way through tough situations! And at the end, the book jumped into my lap and gave me oral!

It's the greatest book ever and if I had to suggest a book to spend four months reading, it'd definitely be this one. I'm definitely gonna check out the other six books in the series. Sorry about how things turned out with that thing you're doing.

--jim_smith
Mad Stylin Yo!

On lack of musical talent

scott_lynch shares with us all the reasons he became a writer.

Amongst those reasons was his failure at anything musical.

========

On a related note, I spent several years under the delusion that I was eventually going to learn how to play the bass guitar, sing, and form a band. This beautiful plan hit the brick wall of sheer incompetence. I can't read a note of music, and indeed have trouble sorting one from another in any analytical sense. I am perhaps the single most musically ungifted lump of carbon not yet sealed in a coffin and lowered into a grave. In fact, I suck musical talent out of people like some sort of audiopire. If B.B. King shook my hand, he would turn into Britney Spears' little sister. I could turn the Beatles into Creed just by walking past them.
  • Current Music
    Massive Attack - Heat Miser
Gen Default Lily Me
  • elucreh

(no subject)

cadhla makes a Public Service Announcement:

Am going to be offline and in Berkeley all day today, so if you need me for anything, you should call my cellphone. Commenting here is good for later attention from me, but calling is essential if you need to let me know that your gerbil is on fire right now.

fun with statements!

Original post:
uncut_diamond: My roommate's goldfish tried to commit suicide by crushing himself with rocks.

And the commentary:
vormav: "I just can't stand it anymore! If I have to die to be free, so be it!"
uncut_diamond: There has got to be easier ways for a fish to off himself then by crushing
vormav: Yeah, but how is he gonna find a sword for ritual seppuku?
uncut_diamond: From the pirate ship wreck?
vormav: Now we're talking.

Additionally, raistlinbrown enquires as to the fish's motivation:
"Did a goldfish whisperer definitively tell you that was his motivation? I'd think it'd be hard to figure
out the psychological underpinnings of a goldfish."
uncut_diamond: why else drop rocks on himself?
vormav, in response to that: Epileptic curlers?

Context? In statements, we need no contexts.
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails - Somewhat Damaged
independent thought alarm

Meta-meta

creative_excess posted:

V: Come to think of it, they don't have any really fast and upbeat songs, do they? The songs are all kind of those slow ones that you sit around and get stoned with your friends to.

Me: (not really paying attention at this point) Yeah, that's a good song...


metalsyko replied:

Nnnope. No real upbeat songs. It's high-quality stoner music. Although the best song to get stoned to is 'Battle of Evermore' by Led Zeppelin. I speak from experience. First time I ever got stoned that song was on ... next thing I knew I was running around with a spatula-sword and a sheet-toga thinking I was a warrior at the battle the Helm's Deep - yelling 'FFFRREEEDDDOM!' at the top of my lungs. And yes, I know that the 'freedom' line is from Braveheart, but still. I was stoned.

(no subject)

oncebluemoon said:

also, one gomen (girl-woman hybrid) did her speech and when she got up the front of the room I realized: SHE HAD THE BIGGEST TITS I'VE EVER SEEN. OH MY GOOOOOD. Basketballs, no exaggeration. Basketballs. They were about the size of my head, I was terrified. How do you WALK with those floating funbags? My god. They were ENORMOUS, they looked real too.
[p4/souji] INTELLECTUAL maybe

(no subject)

The ever awesome zionga, on a locked entry about people taking online roleplay way too seriously and causing drama:

Whenever I find myself about to take RP too seriously, I stop and think "I am a twenty-one year old woman who is pretending to be a jailbait robot on the internet for fun. HOW DOES SERIOUS BUSINESS ENTER THIS EQUATION AGAIN?"

(Note: She roleplays Axl, a teenager robot from the Megaman X series.)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused