Metaquotes

The fabulous karenhealey has a public service announcement. The whole thing is wonderful, but the testimonials are the best part, no question.

"After years of encouraging women to starve themselves in pursuit of an impossible beauty ideal, I was once again about to refuse a piece of chocolate. Then I thought - would Karen kick my ass? I took the chocolate, and the next day I went out and ate a cheeseburger. Thanks, WKKMA!" - K Moss, London.

"Tried beyond endurance, I was about to go to the Dark Side, join my father, and rule the Empire at his side. Then I realised - if I did this, Karen would certainly kick my ass." - L Skywalker, a galaxy far away.

"I was going to leave a nasty flame in response to someone's post, complete with racial slurs, rude suggestions about their parentage, and maybe a few insinuations about the original poster's sexual habits. But then I looked at the picture of Karen on my desktop, and had a change of heart. Thx, Karen! :-D" - Anonymous Troll.

"I was considering staying with Jennifer and resisting the charms of Angelina Jolie. But then I thought - if I told Karen I'd passed up this chance, would she kick my ass? I went for it and I couldn't be happier." B Pitt, Los Angeles.

Find out all about WKKMA here, and make a change in your life today!

From juleskicks here, QWP:

Mom had a patient who was stung by several bees and was in because he is allergic to bee stings.

He was stung on the Naval Observatory grounds. That is, the Vice President's grounds. Because Dick Cheney keeps bees and releases them on intruders.

"What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they spit bees at you?"

Translation: MR. BURNS IS OUR VICE PRESIDENT, PEOPLE. THINK ABOUT IT.

In a friends-locked post (QWP) anyotherknight is describing the effects of NaNoWriMo related panic.

The subject line of the post is Day 2: Panic. I leave a comment to say that the subject reminded me of the movie 28 Days Later.

anyotherknight replies:

I'm rather flattered, actually. I love 28 Days Later, and while I am not a hot man with amnesia, I think it's safe to say I'll be one of the vicious zombies by the time NaNo is over.

Maybe I'll have a cool soundtrack.

Here Neil Gaiman amuses us again (I really should stop metaquoting him):

I did a quick google and noticed that the Daily Telegraph still spells it like that and then I had to read the story about unicycling doctors and I learned that After Paula Dadswell complained, she received a letter from hospital managers assuring her that in future all unicycling on the ward would be restricted to "special occasions" and then I learned that Ronald Pearsall was dead, and got to the point in the obituary where it mentioned that he was part of a team that wrote Dennis Wheatley thrillers after Wheatley died, and then I went to a Wheatley bibliography page and established that he didn't seem to have published much in the way of thrillers after he died in 1977 and then realised I was in one of those evil timesinks that the internet does so well...

***

Well, there you have it. College students aren't the only ones sucked into the internet on a regular basis.

firesplace & kieferskunk discuss being like Smurfs...
Kiefer: Wouldn’t it be cool if we could use the word ‘blah’ randomly, like Smurfs?
Fire: Hehe! Come here so I can blah you!
Kiefer: Your wish is my blah!
(Fire tries to kiss Kiefer, laughing)
Kiefer (playing with Nicholas’ favorite toy): Come on, Nick! Catch the blah!
(Fire is still giggling)
Kiefer: Come on, cats. Time for blah!
(Kiefer and cats head downstairs for breakfast, Fire follows shortly after that)
Kiefer: Should I feed the cats chicken and blah, or turkey and blahlets?
Fire: Oh, turkey and blahlets, absolutely! Whoops, I almost forgot my blah – I mean, jacket.
Kiefer: Have a good blah! I’ll see you to-blah.
Fire: I blah you!
Kiefer: I blah you, too!

Over on ohnotheydidnt, xmint posts about Clay Aiken and his rumoured "manbitch".

Discussion on how gay Clay is, and how he should just come out already ensue.

themaskedvixen: Good fucking lord! Just come out of the closet already, WE ALL KNOW!!!!!! I want pics of the manbitch!

lunarbull: For reals. Homeboy's so far back in the closet, he can see Narnia.

Inthe comments, here.... someone asks about Australia's newest law:

purple_snitch: http://www.wsws.org/articles/2005/nov2005/stat-n03.shtml

Basically, the government can arrest you without evidence. They don't have to tell you what you're supposed to have done. Your family and friends will be jailed for up to five years if they tell anyone, from their neighbors to the media, that you've been arrested and any communication with a lawyer will be recorded. And as ryttu3k said, the voicing of anti-government (or anti-military) sentiments will get you arrested.

tigermilk: That's absolutely horrid. What will comedians make jokes about now?

purple_snitch:That's a moot point, because the next bill Howard is planning to push through will ban all laughter.

It made me laugh and then it made me really, really scared.

frippy on fashion:

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minervacat asks the question: Who are your top five fictional characters you'd like to punch in the face?

In the ensuing discussion, g_m_s asks,

If Holden [Caulfield] and Meursault met on a beach, who would get shot, and who would have the existential crisis about it?

Over in customers_suck, byakuganchick discusses the loss of some of her words for NaNoWriMo.

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from detailguy , who feels dirty just talking about bush

"I see Bush has run away to Argentina. I wonder if he brought some soldiers to stand behind him in case he wants to give a speech.

That cowardly, lying, disgusting draft-dodging piece-of-shit Momma's boy has shown his ass to more G.I.s than a Saigon bar-girl."

qwp  :)

lovelyoliver muses on love:

Love: A temporary derangement of the senses which society punishes with marriage.

I was reading aloud a few of the examples on the CNN site of "advice to the president" to mik100. We came across this one:

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Context here

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justaminuet has a warning for all males in customers_suck.

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On the cmu community, gmc_22 asks Central Michigan students what they think about the dual states of “being a good Christian” and “liking to party.” Moderator jax_1983 says:

“I could just see Jesus at parties turning Zima into beer.

Although I don't see what's so special about making alcohol appear. My friends just put on a halter and a short skirt. Alcohol appears. They've never been up for sainthood.”

kerrypolka has this to say about Rubeus Hagrid (Harry Potter):

He's an idiot. He wastes pages and pages on random crack-ass subplots that are direct results of his idiotude. And puts the kids at risk, because he is an IDIOT. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are always "oh, no, we have to help/save/reinstate Hagrid after his monumental idiotic failure!" and I'm going "NO! CUT YOUR LOSSES, SAVE TWO HUNDRED PAGES, AND RUN!"

Doesn't it feel good to help people? Yeah, I know. All warm and fuzzy inside, like you just ate a muppet.

-- copperbadge

O god, o god, make him go away. He's like the Kevin J. Anderson of movie adaptations.

--teapotgirl critiques the cinematic oeuvre of Chris Columbus.

lost_in_my_room somehow stumbled across this website. He shared it with his girlfriend and it got them talking about what people think to themselves while plunging to their deaths from the Golden Gate Bridge.

"this is it. all it takes is one jump and it'll all be over. what if
someone stops me, i better go to the middle. they will take a long
time to get to me from either side and i'll be gone by then... here
goes... 1, 2... 3

...

wow, the city is really pretty from here. wonder why i never noticed
it before. there's that little noodle place i used to go to when i was
in college. boy am i hungry. i could really go for some noodles right
now. that would be great. some noodles, a beer, i used to do that with
Mitch all the time. i wonder what Mitch is up to these days. i should
call him. maybe i'll call him tonight and see if he wants to get
noodles with me and we can catch up. as soon as i'm done with this
i'll... oh crap"

SPLASH

does this make me a bad person?

icarusancalion joins a protest.

I marched in the anti-war, anti-Bush protest today.

I wasn't going to, but then I had an irritating conversation with a pro-Bush classmate yesterday. Then this morning I read Frist's whinging about Congress' closed session and got more annoyed.

Then I read Bush's Henny Penny distraction from the Libby resignation. "Bird Flu! Think about the Bird Flu and, and -- the sky is falling! And look over there! I mean, don't notice this big indictment of Libby and the corruption of Tom DeLay and 2,000 dead and my failed supreme court nomination and, and..."

So I walked out with much of my school, and joined the college and (primarily) high school students downtown.

Meta-Meta
kerrypolka doesn't just hate Hagrid.


You could do it by book! "SS/PS Sirius: Nice motorcycle, ASSHOLE. CoS Sirius: Way to be a DEADBEAT GODFATHER who couldn't even say 'Hey, how 'bout some Veritaserum action so I can SAVE MY GODSON from his HORRIBLE LIFE?' PoA Sirius: Hey, I liked that part where you explained everything to Harry and didn't fuck him up any more than he already is. OH WAIT. THAT WAS REMUS. GoF Sirius: 'Wah wah passive-aggressive caves and unnnnngh, I'm so hungry!' Shut up before I cut you. OotP Sirius: WHERE DO I BEGIN?"

I think it's the "OH, WAIT. THAT WAS REMUS" that really gets me.

btyrhrtout in medicalfield describes a bizarre phone conversation with a patient regarding questionable urinalysis results:

Patient: Well, see, I called for the results of my urinalysis and your office says it wasn't a clean-catch. I've been thinking about this, and was wondering if it would be possible for an alligator to contaminate the specimen.

MA: What do you mean?

Patient: See, I've been babysitting this 5 and a half foot alligator for awhile now. It likes to come in the tub with me, and the night I collected my urine, the alligator was in the bath with me.

MA: So what you're saying is you bathe with an alligator?

Patient: Yeah. And come to think of it, that night he pooped in the tub. So I wanted to know if maybe that's why my urine didn't come back right.

MA: Because you were in the bath with an alligator?

Patient: Who pooped in the tub.

MA: Who pooped in the tub.

Patient: Right.

MA: [silence]

Patient: I was just wondering if you knew off the top of your head. I understand if you have to ask the doctor. Can you check with him and give me a call back?

Well, as you can imagine, she ended up having to repeat her urinalysis in an alligator-free environment.

Check here for full, original post :)

Former theatre clerk millym makes a very funny post in customers_suck:

Our theater screens are not from the future. They are not from the 50's depiction of the future, which would contain rocketships, moon men, the complete destruction of communism, and laserblasters. Technology that served you with an eerie, unblinking smile would also be requisite. Nor is it the future of the 80's, featuring a war torn earth, dune buggies, laserblasters, and sand. Lots and lots of sand. And it's not the future of now, which just has better technology and more pornography, possibly featuring cybernetic implants, commercial space travel, and a former chinese mafia member who teams up with a former cop, a card hustler, a young hacking savant, and a dog. These screens come strictly from the boring (But still porno filled) world of today, and they do not obey your every wish. Just be glad they don't have consciousness and free will either or: Choose your own pop culture joke adventure! Choose from: A. HAL (Turn to page 85) B. Blade Runner (Turn to page 63) C. Armitage III (Turn to page 42) D. This very pop culture reference to Choose Your Own adventure books. (Keep staring at this page and NEVER STOP.) E. I'm going to go play Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (Go play Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow).

(Emphasis his)


Read the whole post here

I finally got around to metaquoting this, after a good few months. I was lazy beforehand.

In a rant I wrote about stereotypes of characters that are badly written as gay in role plays in bad_rpers_suck, knifesmile commented with his own opinion, but this comment will always stay in the back of my mind:

"As a gay man, I have long been convinced that my purpose in life is to cause the skulls of faggot-fangirls to implode."