October 18th, 2005

Mind Trip

With permission from arrmaitee...

Identity theft!

Hi all,

So I just found out that my identity was stolen. Someone got ahold of my birth date and social security number, and tried to open three credit cards in my name, two from Target and one from Radio Shack.

While this is all extremely upsetting (to say the least), I am a bit miffed that these felons have absolutely no taste. I mean - why aren't they shopping at Prada, Gucci or Cartier?
  • Current Music
    'The X-Files' on television...

(no subject)

I have decided that if I was an alien race trying to infiltrate, I'd hide my code in cell phone ring tones because no one would ever guess if they were on a bus and heard a random ring tone, that it WASN'T the Harry Potter theme but was, in fact, a coded language and you'd just said something like "You there, girl in pink, you shall be probed at midnight".starflowers, here.
Furry Computer Mice

Communities bring out ze funniest peoples!!!

So, I started the LJ community googleseppuku. Its about playing a game where you type random Japanese characters into google's image search, then play until you find a picture that makes you scream. Two members recently discussed a possible outcome:
tz119 What happens if you run out of google pages without having found anything that meets the criteria? ;____; Is that winning or losing the round?
tjousk Is that winning or losing the round? yes.

Also, over in vcl_horrors, neko2 asks a rather simple question after finding some poorly drawn artwork:
Why do people seem to start drawing porn before they can even make it look like anything even slightly erotic?
Fraser: Stepping Out
  • alryssa

Overheard at a RenFaire...

heleneotroy relates the following conversation in this post:

The setting: Revel Grove, early on a Saturday morning.
Yours truly is walking to the privy and passes a young lad with his father.
They are standing outside of a booth that sells little wooden swords and shields.

Boy: DAAAAAA-DEEEEEEEEE! I need more weapons!!
Father: C'mon son, you're starting to sound like George Bush.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
  • rani23

(no subject)

Once again, sarahtales is full of the funny, especially when trying to find an apartment in NYC. From here:

MAYA: Now three hundred dollars a month is very little. And you say you'll be away a ton.
PR: Yes, well, really, it'll just be for the cable and the amenities and things. I only want someone to upkeep my apartment.
MAYA: Oh. I could do that...
PR: And maybe come with me to a few official functions. It'd be fun! There'd be free food.
MAYA: Maaay...be?
PR: And you know, while I'm here, you could offer me massages. Walk around in your lingerie a little. Give me a few enticements.
MAYA: What?
PR: I am not asking for sex! Don't judge me!
MAYA: I am not judging you. I am too busy screaming in my mind to judge you.
pretty sunset
  • pknight

(no subject)

french_zombie describes her first shower experience as an exchange student in France:

There’s a reason that people in Europe don’t shower as much as people in America. You really really have to want to take a shower to take one. It’s not the relaxing, easy wake up call like in America, where the warm water cascades over you as you decide whether or not you want to actually wash, or just stand there for another forty minutes. No, it’s a spectacular battle between you and the shower, and the victor of this battle is inevitably neither one of you, because the water is your real enemy, you just don’t know it yet. I believe that the French word for shower, which is “douche,” is no accident, because you really have to be one to take one.

The whole post is (in my humble opinion) hilarious.

Breaking News

by freshwater_pr0n, here:
FRESHWATER_PR0NVILLE, Oct. 18 - The Southern Baptist Convention announced Tuesday that they plan to lobby for an amendment to the Ten Commandments, "Thou shalt not be gay." Morris H. Chapman, president and CEO of the nation's largest Baptist group, says that this new piece of religious legislation comes not a moment too soon.

"Homosexuality is the biggest threat facing the American family today. Republican lawmakers have been doing a great job of protecting our faithful, but we don't feel that the Church has been holding up its end. Of course it's our job to take the Bible as the literal word of God, but we have found the Good Book to be a frustratingly weak weapon in this particular battle. Jesus fails to mention homosexuality once in the thousands of New Testament pages that record his life, and most Old Testament references to homosexuality are buried amongst archaic proscriptions that are no longer relevant to today's Christian."

James Dobson of Focus on the Family had this to say: "I'm excited and very positive about this campaign, Our effort in 1986 to pass the 11th commandment, 'Thou shalt not get caught,' was an overwhelming success. I have no doubt that God will hear our concerns and take appropriate action."

Chapman, Dobson, President Bush and Pope Benedict XVI plan to discuss the issue with God during a meeting on October 27.
  • Current Music
    Crystal Method - Trip Like I Do

Because I have no idea if foxsynergy is human...

Jesus: Most gracious salutations, idle one.

Kitsune: Hey, how's it hangin', Jesus?

Jesus: Oh, it's not hanging anymore. After Longinus poked me with his spear, they pulled me down.

Kitsune: ...

Jesus: It left a mark. I could heal it, but it serves as a constant reminder of how useless it is to try talking sense into people.

Kitsune: I can certainly sympathize with you there.

Dubya has joined the conversation.

Kitsune: Ah, crap.

Dubya: Sig Heil, Mein Fuhrer Jesus!

Jesus: Good evening, sir. I do not believe we have met.

Dubya: Whaddya mean? You talk to me all the time.

Jesus: I regret the need to state this, but you are sadly mistaken.

Kitsune: Yeah, Jesus wouldn't associate with scumbags like you!

Jesus: Now, Fox, you should strive to find forgiveness in your heart.

Kitsune: What? Forgiveness?! For George W. Bush?!

Dubya: Go Dubya! Go Dubya! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Jesus: Oh, that is the president of the United States?

Kitsune: Um, yessir Mr. Jesus, sir.

Jesus: Well, shit.

Dubya's warning level is now at 100%.

Dubya has been disconnected from the service (connection reset by peer)

Jesus: LOLOL

from http://www.livejournal.com/users/foxsynergy/429066.html

(no subject)

millym, via customers_suck in this entry on why no one really wants to be telepathic:

Oh sure, everyone dresses it up as fun and sneaky brain voyeur, but the fact is, those are only the cohesive thoughts we recognize. Your brain is sending out constant signals, everywhere, and the subconscious is pretty goddamn fucked up, no matter who you talk to. Telepathy won't give me what movie you want to see. This is what telepathy will give me.

"Gotta buy milk, who did that 'word up song', Burrito burrito burrito, sex, buy milk, sex, sex, sex, deny wanting to have sex, There's an awesome chinese restaurant around here, I want to destroy the oxygen channel, English Beat's 'Sooner or later' is stuck in my head, Burrito. Sex."
OUAT - R smirk
  • wenelda

so, if chewbacca lost a bet...

sunnysky explains the firefly/serenity thing as simply as she can.

"so. for you people who apparently didn't realise: SERENITY/FIREFLY IS ABOUT SPACE COWBOYS!!!

now go see it. because its good!! take Star Wars, get rid of the Jedi, add some hot chicks to the Millenium Falcon, and shave Chewie. and, basically, that's Serenity. only, its a lot better than that. because you can't take the sky from me."

that's all to the post, but here for context.

first metaquotes, yayz.
  • Current Music
    christmas songs. because i'm seasons ahead.