October 14th, 2005

Dream

And you thought people really didn't do things like this...

From kinfae's entry about life in the army:

Wednesday, late night: My soldier, in protest to my forcing him to write a 1000 word essay on Integrity after lying to me about whether or not he had a phone, asked to see the Sergeant Major about my evil.
Thursday: My soldier, having been denied by the Sergeant Major, wrote his essay. Or should I say, googled it. I re-googled it, highlighted relevant points, and pointed out the issues with plagiarizing Integrity essays.
concerned, curious, empathetic, Bioware, encouraging
  • cmzero

We've all been there.

Even depressed, howardtayler is quite expressive in his writing. Great description of a state we've all experienced at one point or another:

I have a long list of recent personal failures, and each of them stands as if a member of some dark choir. Together they chant something that sounds a lot like "you can't do it."

For whatever reason the choir of my personal successes can't seem to get its collective act together. Maybe the mood swing has scored them into forty measures of lacuna. It's all I can do to remember they're there. The lights are off where they're sitting, so I can't even look over at them for moral support.
Kiss me

(no subject)

eviljr talks about a stupid customer he had in this post in customers_suck.....

The lady gets even more annoying saying she wants to speak with the owner. My aunt smiled sweetly. "I am the owner mame." She lady eyes her up....proceeds to yell very loudly that she would 'never come back to this carnival again' then throws the carcess of the spud at us

"carcess of the spud"....hehehe....I had never heard of a baked potato skin referred to as this. (you have to read the whole thing to get it)
Head Desk
  • jaie

shaysdays learns the truth

Alright, so I leave my dog and my son in the living room for a moment or two to go to the bathroom- which takes a smidge longer than I thought.

When I come out, I can't see them, but I hear a little rustle behind the loveseat, in front of the back door. Then a crunch, then a giggle.

I come around the love seat to see my darling cherub, pulling fistfuls of Wheat Thins out. After carefully handing some to the dog, he stuffs some in his mouth. She patiently waits for his chubby fingers to get the crackers out of the plastic-bag-in-a-box that has defeated her many a time, while wrapping her body around his little back for support and quiety wagging her tail.

After I watch this in amazement for a moment, they both realize I'm there at the same time and swivel their heads around to look at me with identical expressions comprised of equal parts "Oh Shit," and "Dude, it worked!"

Ladies and gentlemen, I have lost the war. The children and the animals are working together, it's only a matter of time before my livejournal will be overrun by posts like:

SEnd f00d to momy Shay, w3 R hungri n sHE iz sck. tihs iz nT a JokkE. Plz ehlp!
PS- We liek k00kys nd baKKon!


I can believe it.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
KH - OT3

He's not quite dead...

Over at fanficrants, a fantasy cliche test included a question about how many arrows it takes to kill a man.

eiviiaru says this:

I think it's a question of verging between two extremes. On one hand, having someone instantly and automatically die from getting shot with an arrow at all is a bit much. On the other hand, some of these novels have characters getting absolutely peppered with arrows and getting through fine, which also seems dumb.

(For the record, I have no idea how many arrows it actually takes to kill a person. I'm assuming, though, that given no particularly lucky shots the answer is somewhere between "one and only one" and "thirty-seven, and even then you may have just made him angry.")
Adam Dark
  • asw909

Sharkbait

captaintwitchy is finding it a bit odd being able to know where her mother is:

"My mum keeps wandering around the house humming the shark attack music from Jaws. Although it's good to be able to tell when she's getting close it's actually very unnerving."

[from a Friends-only post, with permission]
  • Current Music
    65daysofstatic | The Fall Of Math

Straight guys

I really don't think I think about sex as much as straight guys, because in my experience, everytime a straight guy sees a hot chick he thinks "BOOBIES! HOT! BANG IT! BANG IT!" and everytime I see a hot guy I go, "Wow. I love his hair." or something stupid like that. So even if I think someone is hot having sex with them rarely crosses my mind unless I'm really horny.

-Quoted from blaiddshadow in this post about how gay he is.
Cauldron

The inmates are running the asylum

From paigemom describing her weekend plans:

Off to Amarillo tomorrow for a psychic fair put on by a local pagan group. Supportiveness and all. These are the people who are fluffy enough to have pulled an equinox ritual off the 'net (mistake #1) and didn't read it closely enough (mistake #2) to realize that it was not only from Australia where the seasons are different (mistake #3) but it was a ritual of apology for the destruction of the aborigines (mistake #4) and didn't change the wording for a very public ritual (mistake #5). As we all know, there are, or were, a lot of aborigines in Amarillo at one time.

Should be interesting.

Uhm, yeah, you think?

(no subject)

rageprufrock describes her life:

ME: Okay! I'm pumped! I get this course material! I should know the answers to all of these!
TEST: What is the third part of the soul--and--how does Plato explain its existence in relation to the other two?
ME: ...Should I take off my--
TEST: Sh--no talking. Just bend over.
Rock!

And the Bathrooms are Lousy...

From this post in mock_the_stupid discussing mediocre advertising slogans, this:

katimus:
Heh...reminds me of this sign my friend and I saw in Sydney. It said:

EXCEPTIONAL COFFEE
GREAT FOOD
GOOD SERVICE

I'm not sure if you have to be one of us to see the humour in that, but we laughed a long time at it.

trueflight:
I'm disappointed that they didn't finish with "ACCEPTABLE ATMOSPHERE."
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
panic button
  • jaig

(no subject)

ticca is drunk. Again.

What bothers em abiuout genetalia is thatg its so soo ugly/. I t makes me a bit sadc/ I feele depreessined by genetlaws. I think tha t if you maybe unzipped a persons trousers abd therer was a kitten there insetead it would eb a llot happier.

Kittens > people parts.

D:
  • Current Mood
    ALARMED
  • kels

(no subject)

My friend Veronica posts an... enlightening conversation with her 2 & 1/2 year old son.


Keith: "Can I see God?"
Me: "What?"
Keith: "You said 'God'. Can I see God?"
Me: *does Google image search for "god", shows him some statue of God*
Keith: "Oh. Is he dead?"
Me: "Who are you, Nietzsche?"


(Locked post, quoted with permission.)
if i'm lost for a day try to find me

battlestar galactica

ingridmatthews lists why she loves Gaeta/Dee so much here.

Reason #5
It's very possible that Gaeta's a Cylon. Or ... Dee's a Cylon. Or they both are. OMGheadgosplody! Hello ninety-part fic that comes with razor blades included for your wrist-slitting convenience. Because, TEH ANGSTZ. Give me a spoon, I've got some pain to eat, people

it's all speculation so i didn't cut it. i'm sure you'll live
Disapproval Face
  • mcity

(no subject)

Over at furbid_horrors, Kelpie sporks a particularly ugly lion mask.
Would anyone in their right mind actually buy this thing? It looks like it's been dragged backwards through a gay pride festival, fed on acid for the last three years of its' miserable life then sat in the highest branch of the ugly tree. A great big strong ugly wind from the east then knocked it out of the ugly tree and it fell hitting every branch on the way down then a little ugly gnome battered fuck out of it with the ugly stick for half an hour before letting it go.