Metaquotes

My brother, irish_tweed is trying to get added to my friend's list:

You are a smelly pirate hooker's dead fetus. If you don't add me so I can at least see what people think about my brilliant storytelling, I will shake my fist and heartily disagree with you! DISAGREE, I SAY!


The last bit swayed me. Heehee. (And yes, check out his stories)

In a really useful entry about learning to cook as an adult, coffeeandink had the following to say in her 'lessons learned and problematic dishes' section:

I wasn't paying enough attention and ended up pureeing the salsa instead of blending it. It was an incredibly unappetizing-looking brown gruel. I tasted it cautiously and had to gulp down water. Note to self: NEVER PUREE CHILE PEPPER AGAIN. It was actually good, aside from burning out my taste buds -- I mean it tasted sharp and flavorful and fresh. I chopped another tomato and added it, to cut it down a bit, and then in a blinding flash of duh thought: You know what would taste good with this? Black beans would taste good with this. It was another five minutes before I realized I'd just reinvented Mexican food.

silent_r_infork is horrible (horribly funny (also, horrible)):

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domino_girl on pizza and inches in costumers_suck

also to my boss- when someone asks me how many inches the pizza is, and i or any of my coworkers ask "How many inches in it" the correct thing to do is NOT to shout so the customer can hear "Thats a very personal question! how dare you ask me about that!"

Said bykaitlyn142 in response to this post on customers_suck:

For instance, my boyfriend will say he has fought on the ceiling because he is Asian. He has fought someone on the ceiling, but this has more to do with him being a monkey than Asian.

I just found it amusing.

From sadlikeknives's journal, QWP:

I met TR at the library today, to get a jump-start on our archaeology projects. After she found the books she was after, she joined me in sitting on the floor browsing the section I needed. I happened to glance up from trying to determine if a book on historical reconstructions even mentioned ancient Greece to see these immortal words in an entry on some Czech castle or something:

Count Spork.

That's right. Count Spork. Who was an actual medieval nobleman.

That may be the best thing ever.

Edit: "Count Spork was a hero of the Sue Wars of 1337..."

chaosvizier on how George Lucas might die.

Or he could be inside, screaming to get out, begging for mercy as molten Jar-Jar merchandise started chasing him down the halls screaming "Yousa traitor! Meesa gonna burn you bombad!"

Context here.

So be nice.

In response to my statements that I cooked for Usher this weekend, yelnats responded: "did you Let it Burn?"

here, but that's all the context there is.

In this thread on the "I can read your mind!" quote, conuly lamented that she had a song stuck in her head. svz_insanity and I offered up other suggestions, with disastrous results.

conuly: I was thinking "I am the very model of the modern major-general", and if anybody can tell me how to get that out of my head, I'd be much obliged.

svz_insanity: badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom badger badger badger badger badger badger a snake a snake snaaaaake a snaaaaake oooooh its a snake! *flees*

baseballchica03: Hehe, the second part of the sentence even fits in with the song. You *DO* have it bad. I give you, "Did you ever see a llama kiss a llama on the llama? Llama's llama, tastes of llama, llama llama DUCK!"

conuly: Thanks guys. Now it's: I am the very badger of the llama modern general, I've information badger badger badger and mineral, I know the llama llama llama and I quote the ducks historical from SNAKE!

*snicker* Oops!

kira_snugz , the poor thing had to deal with idiot neighbors yesterday. : ( Collapse )

common_as_stone, here.

batman kills baby jesus?!!

oh my (heh) god!

"I could tell you that Elvis Presley just burst through my window, drunk as hell and naked from the waist down, riding a unicycle and singing The Battle Hym Of The Republic while fellating an endangered Proboscis Monkey, and there would still be more truth to that than there is in global warming."
- dar_actually expresses his agreement with Michael Crichton using a most colourful analogy.

In a random discussion involving razing villages and taunting hockey players, uncut_diamond creates a "haiku" about Mats Sundin's injury (took a puck to the face):

slapshot spinning puck
visorless stupid guy does not duck
cries the crowd: holy fuck!

In a locked post that was merely a quote from an unrelated book that spun into another commentfest here

ETA: We are aware of our inability to count, as well. So I added quotes around haiku.

And he has since repented and created one that is in the meter:
slapshot spinning puck
visorless! stupid guy! duck!
cries the crowd: oh fuck
(with assistance from bopeepsheep, we think we actually have a haiku now)
Go Habs Go.

I posted a link to XXXChurch.com, who are behind “National Porn Sunday” (Oct. 9) and Operation: Save the Kittens. These people (with tongues in cheek) promote the idea that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. the_runcible (tongue also in cheek) tallies up the figures:

Having done some basic number-crunching, it has become apparent that masturbating is necessary for the continued survival of life on Earth. If we assume that, at any given time, 70% of the human population is sexually active, and that, on average each individual masturbates once per week, we find that God kills 218.4 billion kittens every year. I suspect these are quite conservative estimates, so if we substitute my own masturbatory predilections, we find that God kills in the vicinity of 3000 billion kittens per annum. That's Three Trillion kittens. Clearly, the addition of this many cats to the biosphere every year is ecologically unsustainable, and would quite possibly result in the cessation of life as we know it.

Therefore, not only is masturbation free, easy and pleasurable, but it is necessary for the continued survival of life on Earth.

Masturbate for the Future!

Poor littlemidge87 had to deal with a mink-wearing snotty woman and ranted about her here at customers_suck

These comments made me snicker:
agent13 I shall not oblige.

Who talks like this outside P.G. Wodehouse books and Masterpiece Theater productions?

ernestinewalker responds:
Honestly. I wonder how much prodding it would've taken to get her to "shant?"

from the ever-hilarious sassafras28.

First Block Teacher: So, what else was going on in the seventies that made us shift from a hedonistic to an aesthetic culture? What else was happening that might have made us preoccupied with death? What, in addition to the Vietnam War, was making life pretty unhappy?

Girl Who Looks Like Abi-Nicole: ...Disco?

saturn_gumdrops displays her amazement at some unexpected money

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Well, I was amused...

miyachan </span>and father discuss fistfights with people.

Me: What happened with the project?

Dad: The principal contractor's an idiot. He hit his face on my fist.

Me: Dad, his face CANNOT land on your fist.

Dad: Yes it can! We were talking, like you and I are talking - just sitting across each other like this. Suddenly, his face met my fist! My friend was saying that I could be sued and I said 'No'! Then his face hit my fist again! The second time may be my fault, but the first time was an accident!

Me: That was a fist fight.

Dad: A fist fight is done in the boxing ring. This didn't happen in the ring. (beat) It happened at Starbucks. *grins*

Me: *facepalms*

The whole post can be found here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/miyachan/331120.html?view=1123184#t1123184
</b></a>

Genesis, with a business proposition:

"Alright kids, listen up.
I need $900,000 to buy a very expensive house, thus fufilling my ultimate fantasies. So I've devised a plan.

I need to give 900 $1000 blow jobs.
Sign up with a comment."

The rest of her journal is pretty damn awesome, too.

millym in (that's right, again) customers_suck.

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From this post about her boyfriend playing the piano by kethlenda, flock and QWP.

The boyfriend is downstairs, playing the piano. This is technically kosher, as I'm just surfing the net and not trying to sleep or anything of the sort.

However, plz to be playing something other than the same two notes pounded and pounded and pounded over and over again.

I should be sympathetic; after all, I know how many times I backspace and delete and start over when writing. But at least my changes are quiet. I told him once that it was like I was trying to read him one of my stories, and read it like this:

"Once. Once upon. Once. Once upon a. Upon a. Once. Once upon a time...Once upon. Once, long long ago...Upon a. Once."