Metaquotes

ifreet is the crazy - I had to share...
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On anal sex....

"oh, and start small. no one steered the Titanic their first time on a ship"

An LJ friend of mine chatting on MSN last night.

From a locked post by neverreal, quoted with permission:

"you know what?
there may be no 'i' in team
but there is in winning.
ha."

Flax has a run-in with a Sudden Death Insect, here.

FFX/X-2 humor from randomsome1:

"Your mother was an aeon and your father smelled of the Farplane!"

Context is for fools.

Oh fine, it's from this thread about a Seymour-rant on fanficrants.

From the comments in one of neverwench's journal entries, wherein she described her Wednesday at work:

stokerbramwell: You guys should NOT be having that much fun in a prison. Don't they have special "fun drainers" in there somewhere? XP
dajagr: I think the dementors went on holiday, so they had to settle for dementia. Or something... :)

Context (if you actually go for that sort of thing) can be found here

In this thread over at weirdjews during a discussion of judaism and homosexuality, jaidit had this to say:

There is no point where the text reads, "And God spake and said that when two men buy a home in the suburbs, get a small, fussy dog, and share a bed together, it just makes me feel all icky."

FYI? The noise of frozen chicken hitting a cat's skull is very loud.

--darqstar has some domestic issues.

mizalaina is impressed by the politeness of the Japanese hotel staff...

"In the hotel, as I walk by the staff, they bow. Every one of them, in a big long line, like some hospitality version of being in a baseball stadium and doing The Wave.

The bowing is contagious, too. I've been here for four hours and I'm already doing it. They bow, you bow. Which makes them bow again. And then you bow again. This can go on for hours. I'm still bowing to the woman at the Japan Rail counter and I haven't seen her since 6pm. I'll bet you she's still bowing, too."

Found in the comments to a mock_the_stupid post here about a new museum dedicated to Genesis creationism, a fandom's eye-view of the concept that dinosaurs and Genesis are not mutually exclusive, and in fact that the Ark carried some baby T.Rex on board...


almightyhat: Wouldn't... wouldn't it be easier on the Believability scale to put the dinosaurs in the pre- flood room? I mean, as long as we're writing Creationism/Paleontology crossover fanifc, here.

starrypop: Adam/Eve/T-Rex OT3!!!!111
Theirloveissobiblical.

noveldevice laying the smackdown:

"Okay, I'm done being polite.

"You are stupid. Really, you are incredibly stupid, and also entirely ignorant.

"On the day the rest of the australopithecines crawled out of their caves and thought it might be nice to have a cookout, your ancestors were still wondering why their own feces tasted so terrible. When Paleolithic man discovered the joys of bashing other hominids on the head with rocks, it was because your ancestors wouldn't stop grunting. Now, today, you will be the reason someone invents a way to stab people in the face over the Internet."

--over at karnythia's

chaosvizier, moderator of ljdq, on squid cuddling:

I think squid cuddling would be complicated. "I love you, baby... ummm... you're cutting off circulation to my tentacles now." - "This one?" - "No, number four." - "This one?" - "No, the bigger one." - "This one?" - "No, that's my junk."

...where wibblefish comes out in favour of animal rights (in response to my own - friends locked - comment on the deplorable news that animal rights activists are targeting some childrens nurseries in the UK).

Or at least, his version:

"Animals have rights: factory farmed animals should have the right to a decent marinade and organic raised animals the right to be respected for the quality they represent, and not overseasoned"

[Note: please don't start anything on animal testing on this. Cheers]

QWP from morningstar919's reply to a commenter in a post about a pedophile message board. Found in childfree:

Cut because of the naughty.

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Original post in it entirety here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/childfree/6105328.html

No flame wars, please!

littlestclouds says here:

And how can you "force" two characters into a non-cannonical [sic] homosexual relationship?

Does it go something like:

Author: "Okay, Legolas! Get your ass over here! So that Aragorn can put his peepee in it!"
Legolas: "No, Ms. Authors! Please! Anything but that!"
Author: "I SAID GET OVER HERE AND GET GAY, NOW! BITCH!"
Legolas: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!"

In a comment at the bottom of a thread started by one of his own posts, filkertom comments:

I'm very much at the point now that I almost wish that there was going to be a Rapture, and it either takes these stupid people away or leaves them here to realize they weren't good enough.

ramen_girl posted over at wtf_inc about some guy who wants to pay people money to walk, jump, stop, and kick all over him (presumably as part of some fetish).

lajeunefolle rises to the occassion:

Money for unwarranted aggression? I'm so in.

"If you're going to go through the hassle of burying the body at least make sure there aren't parts sticking out. That sort of defeats the purpose, I would think."
-- jeremyjx, here

I've discovered that as I slowly age, I begin to have only one rule of thumb that I try to follow: Don't Embarrass Yourself.
It's honestly probably the core reason that I try to avoid groups of people and gatherings. When people are there, they are more likely to look at you. If more people are looking at you, you're much more likely to be noticed when you inevitably do/say something incredibly stupid. Now, I consider myself at least reasonably well-spoken, but i'm a total clutz and there's at least two or three moment a day in which I wish I was an alien (or, retarded) so I would have an excuse for not knowing how to do perfectly common things. (RECENT EXAMPLES: How to cut a baguette, How to operate a corkscrew).
And, so in a desperate attempt to avoid embarrassing situations, I avoid almost *all* situations. That can't be very socially healthy, I would imagine.

People are scary!

fahye, here:


"I WOULD write smut, but sadly I have a complete pathological inability to do so. I have a letter from my doctor. I take euphemism pills."

From Lil Ron:

You know what I REALLY love about Halloween?
Most of you know I like chicks, and as a surprise I also like boobs.
I have a thing for Vampire chicks with boobs too. It's like my christmas. Chicks dressed up like vampires with boobs hanging out, man it doesn't get much better than that.

It's the simple joys in life, really.

This is from thedeepgreensea's journal. A very funny writer talking about feeling depressed.

"... I really miss the last week when I was positively walking on air. I need more days like that. Days that make me feel like a man. Or, if not a man, at least a little girl. A little girl who just found some flowers. And a puppy. And a boy who will accept her even though she is clingy and needy and jealous of all the other little girls and has issues with her mother<"

the_mongrel talking about her strange toaster oven experience:

"One morning I went into the kitchen and found the toaster lying on the floor. Darned cats must have knocked it off the counter. I picked it up, plugged it back in, and made some toast. There was a faint burning-wire smell, but I thought nothing of it.

The next morning, I went in the kitchen, and again the toaster was on the floor. What the frell is wrong with those cats? Picked it up, plugged back in, made more toast & ate it. Same burning-wire smell. Toaster is pretty old, maybe time for a new one.

Well, the next day, same thing, the cats had been attacking the toaster again. Started to make toast, but this time the wire-burning smell was so bad that I had to stop & take a look in there first.

At the bottom, there was a dead mouse.

Mouse toast! I ate mouse toast!!"

Sort of.

taktukbrightsea says:

Jesus sounds like He can make one incredible movie. It's probably going to be about the worst two days of Mel Gibson's life ever.

Context? You don't need no stinkin' context.

shannonsequitur writes in this post:

I'm a little mystified by what appears to be a sudden upswing in video game-based movies. For example, I saw a trailer for Doom a couple of weeks ago. Shannon's approximate train of thought: "What the heck is thi- hey, was that Karl Urban?" (For the record, it was.)

Naturally, you wonder what they're going to cook up next. I did, and had an idea that I just might be able to cash in on. Think about it... Pong: the Movie. A heart-stopping, edge-of-your-seat thrill ride! Exhilarating! Awesome! Starring Vin Diesel as The Ball!

...What? His head totally looks like a ball.

From the wonderful distilledlimbo. A friendslocked entry, QWP.

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The darling and very cool purple mum sorchar had some words to say about Green Day's performance:

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I may have to drop some cash to go see these blokes now...

thisisnotcamden, in a locked post, QWP.

It's funny, people are always like, "I'M TOO BUSY, I HAVE TO LEAVE LJ." And I'm like, "I'M TOO BUSY, I HAVE TO LEAVE REAL LIFE."

In a friends-locked post by shadowweaver06 (QWP):

On my way to sixth period, this idiot freshman kid walking up the stairs in front of me had his pants sagging... and like a foot of boxer-shorts hanging from them. I was so, so, SO tempted to yank his pants down to his ankles and watch him fall up those stairs. XDDD

But I restrained myself.

Also, as a sidenote— The idiot freshmen that think spraying all sorts of cloying perfumes and cologne is a COOL thing to do, need to be smacked. That stuff STINKS. Like dead flowers and cat piss, left in a vat to ferment and ultimately gag anyone who gets a good enough whiff of the stuff.

arundhathi has made a rather worrying discovery...

The Shining is somehow a gazillion times more creepy when turned into a heartwarming romantic comedy.

Context.

latentfunction answers a meme.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
I have two little brothers. Of course I have.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
I'll get my cancer from the sun, thanks though.

27. Can you dance?
HAHAHAHA. Like a white girl in a dryer.

flocked post, quoted with permission

bassist, starring in a meta-meta from this post by baseballchica03:

Jewish women definitely don't hate sex. Hell, it's considered a double mitzvah (extra good deed) to have sex on the Sabbath in Judaism... unless the woman orgasms, because then it's work.

But I can assure you that Jewish women hate context, except when it comes with funny icons like this context does.

From _snape_daily and This Thread.

A little background. You'll have to click the link to see the picture they are talking about. It makes the whole metaquotes thing funnier...and makes more sense as well when you have context!

dragons_f_wolf : "I volunteer to take him back to his dungeons. ;)"

snapes_mistress : "He looks like an amnesia patient... 'Who am I? Why am I in this garden???'"

dragons_f_wolf : "...'Where is Dumbledore?' lol"

snapes_mistress : "'Why is snapes_mistress humping me?'"

dragons_f_wolf : "'Why does Firewolf have me under the immobulous curse? Dear God, I'm being violated!!!'"

There's more, but those first five comments just cracked me up. ^_^;

~Ami

weave's reaction to this post in wtf_inc of a really long obituary being described as "self absorbed."

how can an obituary be self-absorbed if the person's dead?

though they're probably more absobent post-mortem than they were before they shrugged of said coil.
especially if they were cremated

sweeter_melissa ponders what she saw at the Quiktrip,here:

I stopped at Quiktrip on the way home, and the guy next to me was buying a 'Monster' energy drink, a packet of ginseng, and one of those single dose vitamins thing (with FOR EXTRA ENERGY in big letters on the front).

Either this guy is studying for a serious final, or some girl is about to have the best sex of her life.