September 26th, 2005

(no subject)

I have just recieved an email from a student. It consists of one sentence with no punctuation, no capitalization, 6 out 14 words are misspelled, and I am referred to as 'bro' and advised to 'take it easy.'

Tomorrow I will eat his soul.


--doqz
The Kurgen
  • raldage

Crazy Gas Station Happenings

From an AIM conversation between yougouptown (who is an attendant at a gas station where this story takes place) and myself which she was good enough to post on her LJ at my request: ((Chat names have been changed to protect those whom I was too lazy to ask for permission from))

"yougouptown (11:46:04 PM): alright so i'm at work yesterday
yougouptown (11:46:10 PM): one of my regulars comes in
yougouptown (11:46:19 PM): he's 65 and a decent guy
yougouptown (11:46:32 PM): well we're talking and talking and talking and all the sudden he says
yougouptown (11:46:42 PM): "i bet you'd be an angel in bed"
yougouptown (11:46:53 PM): this is based on the hugs i give him
"

and

"yougouptown (11:48:23 PM): so this trucker comes in later
yougouptown (11:48:27 PM): oh yeah
Raldage (11:48:30 PM): *holds back*
yougouptown (11:48:36 PM): and we're talking
yougouptown (11:48:43 PM): and i was telling him how i'm at work all teh time
yougouptown (11:48:50 PM): and he asks me how my bf feels about that
yougouptown(11:48:55 PM): and i proceed to tell him i don't have one
Raldage (11:49:03 PM): *snicker*
Raldage (11:49:10 PM): *waits*
yougouptown (11:49:22 PM): and somehow the conversation turns to the porn we sell
yougouptown (11:49:39 PM): and he asks me about a price for one and i said he'd have to let me look at it for the price
yougouptown (11:49:47 PM): and then he says you don't want to look at these
Raldage (11:49:53 PM): LoL
yougouptown (11:49:55 PM): and i said no, but i need the barcode
yougouptown (11:50:24 PM): so then we talk about why i don't like the idea of 2 girls and how he likes 2 girls and a guy alright but 2 guys and a girl won't fly with him
yougouptown (11:50:35 PM): so i text astridsdream "today must be a sex day for me"
yougouptown (11:50:38 PM): and she dies at work
Raldage (11:50:45 PM): LoL
"

The whole post can be seen here

Most important: I beat astridsdream to posting this here :)

Cheers,

-Mr. Money
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
agent may is unimpressed

Gotta love those rhetorical questions

It started with this one sentence entry:

mice: What is it about Peter Cetera's voice that just says, "Montage a-comin'! Montage a-comin'!"?

Here are the comments:

anxietygrrl: I don't know, but once while listening to Chicago's Greatest Hits 1982-1989 a friend and I planned out a hypothetical movie construced of nothing but montages. So there's definitely something.

perfectkaos: They already made that movie... it's called Rocky IV.

anxietygrrl: Darn, that's right. Too bad they had to cut the scene of Stallone and Lundgren cavorting through the mall and trying on silly hats.

(no subject)

just heard from my roommate gammahamster about the message board we frequent:


Ah yes, autumn is upon us. The days are getting shorter and the nights crisper, the sun that we took for granted is now sweet on the skin, like a lover we know is about to leave us. The air holds a hint of rain and the delicate, earthy scent of leaves turning to mulch, the wind is heavy with those fallen leaves and the distant, honking sound of the loon echoes over the hills with a distinctive, "You people suck! Validate me!"


Thank god for hunting season.
Teen Wolf - Trauma!Stiles

Crikey!

childfree folk talk about a list of reasons to have a zillion kids found on teh intarweb.

One of the reasons, according to the site, is, "Have another child to help end abortion."

nobleplatypus comments:

I must say, I loved the bit about ending abortion, because kids are so rare nowadays. Yep, now that contraception and abortion are out there, NO ONE has children. I haven't seen a kid in weeks! Pretty soon, Steve Irwin is going to be tracking them down on episodes of The Crocodile Hunter. "CROIKEY! It appeahs to be a CHOILD!" *pouncenab* "Howzat?! You're al roight, little fellah! 'E's a bit grumpy..."

DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to spark any kind of CF debate. It was just a funny quote, folks :) Giggle and move on.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Regarding old ladies at events...

As for attempting to get a critical discount by displaying your feminine wiles, well, you passed the "mutton" stage and went right to "jerky" about four decades ago. Even with medical miracles that left you with so much silicone and metal in your body that you should join the rest of the Cybermen in their plans to conquer Earth, I know you see The Story of O, but all anyone else sees is The Saggy Baggy Elephant.

Posted by sclerotic_rings here.
the eye of god

I feel the same way, though for slightly different reasons

My poor girlfriend, porceain72, had a job interview:

for once I was asked a unique question: "If you were an animal, what would you be?" Yes, they really asked me that, I asked her to repeat it because I thought I didn't hear correctly. I answered a cat, and said it was because I'm self-reliant and I don't have to be watched all the time. Yep, pulled that one RIGHT OUT OF MY ASS. I'm guessing "snake" or "Madagascar hissing cockroach" would have been an incorrect answer, though it would have been funny to see the look on the interviewer's face if I had said that.


The whole thing's hilarious, but you can't read it it's locked. QWP.
smb3

More of teh funneh on customers_suck

timba - "Seriously though, why do customers piss of the people that handle their food?"

To which nidoking replies - "Because they're backed by the almighty LEGAL ACTION with powerful I'M NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN grip and I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER accessories sold separately! Because you can consume poison and weather retributive abuse with impunity, as long as you immediately wash your mouth out with Lawsuit."
  • Current Music
    Ninja Gaiden Black (again)
agent may is unimpressed

From the desk of the Scribe

Was looking through her old entries to cheer me up and found this bit of fun from after kielle and her husband went to get their marriage license:

On the way out [the clerk] handed us these two bags labelled "Newlywed Kit." Hmm, I'm thinking. How sweet! What's this? Romantic stuff? Useful stuff?

Neither, as it turns out. Collapse )

That totally made me smile. I wonder if the kit has changed since 2001.

From my friends list:

jessikast

Why Chaucer is funny:

And ther his sorwes that he spared hadde
He yaf an issue large, and "Deth!" he criede;
And in his throwes frenetik and madde
He corseth Jove, Appollo, and ek Cupide;
He corseth Ceres, Bacus, and Cipride,
His burth, hymself, and ek nature,
And, save his lady, every creature.

To bedde he goth, and walwith ther and torneth
In furie, as doth he Ixion in helle,
And in this wise he neigh til day sojorneth.
And tho bigan his herte a lite unswelle...

Translation:

Troilus stormed into his room, and finally broke down. "Death!" he cried, and threw a bit of a tanty. Then he cursed lots of dudes, and wished he was NEVER BORN!

Then he turned up his stereo really loud and played some Evanescence, and then some Simple Plan, and cried a bit about Criseyde into his pillow, and was angry at the whole world, which really didn't understand HIS PAIN.

Then he went to bed, and when he got up he felt a bit better, so he went downstairs and his mum made him a bowl of cereal, and he sat and watched cartoons all day.



Yes, I'm 'working' on my Chaucer essay, why do you ask?
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
  • telaryn

And you thought *your* Monday was bad...

scottishtart has a very interesting work-life:

1. Conversation I had today:

No, thank you. I don’t believe looking at SUV v. bicyclist autopsy photos at 8am before my cup of tea, on a Monday morning, is the very best plan of action for my day.

No, really. I am serious. Get the close up shots of the head OFF OF MY DESK!

I promise I will review them – BUT NOT FIRST THING IN THE DAMN MORNING BEFORE I HAVE HAD ANY BREAKFAST, OKAY?!


Whole post can be found here. Definitely worth the click.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Jewish

(no subject)

So, while reading her Jewish bible for her 'Hebrew Scriptures' class, rez_paprika imagined the following discussion;

GOD: Keep all my laws and you shall be my most treasured~

MOSES: Uh...excuse me?

GOD: (sigh) What now?

MOSES: Could you repeat the last thing you said?

GOD: What last thing? The thing about the sacrifices or the thing about the Taburnacle?

MOSES: The thing about the cubits.

GOD: Oh, for~ Damn it, that was half an hour ago! If you had a question why didn't you stop and ask me?!

MOSES: Well...you seemed to be enjoying yourself and you were on a roll, I really didn't want to break your concentration.

GOD: ... 'Get a dog' Anubis said 'They're loyal and follow instructions better than any human.' But NOOOOO I had to go out and save a nation!
[donna noble] and i think my time machin

Iron Chef Crossovers!

scans_daily once again brings the funny.

Here, people are talking about Bruce Wayne trying to make chicken soup for a sick Alfred. And then octavius_rodens says this:
Well, we now know there's at least one person Batman cannot defeat with enough time and preparation. THE IRON CHEF!

Which leads to vzg to say this:
Holy crap. Iron Chef competitions with Batman would rock. They could even do Marvel/DC crossovers -- and further crossovers with other companies, and manga!

*thinking about this way too much*


Which then leads mrsix to post this:
"SHATNER: Our two chefs, Doctor Strange and Doctor Fate, are today's Mystic Battle Supreme contestents!

And the secret ingredient is ... Bunnies!

PETA: NOOOOOOO!

ANYA: YAAAAAAY!"


Which leads me to spit out my drink and start laughing hysterically.
We Want Prenup

First time poster

Repeat quotee. As seen in ferretiger's journal, regarding her relatives:

So basically, it's a Jesus ice cream truck? With a stage? I don't get it. I told the story to my aunt and the first thing she said was, "I'm glad I don't live in Oklahoma!" Which happened to be exactly what I was thinking. Jesus ice cream trucks are just a little too much.