September 5th, 2005

flying spaghetti monster

A day at the pizza place

In this post from customers_suck jedimartini realizes that a bad night wasn't so bad after all:

"But when you're coaxing a pizza out of the oven by calling it "baby", your manager overhears and starts singing "Burn, baby, burn!" and you counter with "Disco Inferno!" and then the entire restaurant starts singing "Why can't we be friends! Why can't we be friends...." then you know the night couldn't have been that bad."

(no subject)

Over in customers_suck, jonnorthwood posts about witnessed suckage -- he was in a supermarket checkout line behind a black woman who was attempting to unload a cart with 30+ items in the express lane, and when he politely asked if he might go ahead of her with his single item, she took offense and exclaimed quite loudly that he was clearly a racist sumbitch.  To which a second black lady in the lane adjacent had this to say:

"He ain't pissed 'cause you's black, he pissed 'cause you's an ig'nant bitch!"

Hilarity ensued.  In the comments of the post containing the story, elbiesee remarks:  The Bitch was playing the race card, but sounds like somebody else had a better hand.

Clerks + D&D = customers suck post!

On customers_suck, millym talks about the plight of the lowly clerk.

People, Clerks are not magical little creatures fueled by Unicorn magic and large amounts of methamphetamines used to vastly enhance our tax-calculating and price-explaining skills. When we roll up our character sheets for our stats in our job applications, not every skill comes out as high as we may like. More to the point, there are very specific feat, skill, and magic limitations by working under the Clerk character class. 

I am Clerk-jockey class, subclass Concessions/Box Office. I can print you tickets, serve you soda, candy, popcorn, etc. My special skills are calculating your price totals, and a high charisma bonus for being willing to talk with strangers and make jokes with them about Mothra before they go into Grizzly man.

Whole post here.
I wear my heart on my sleeve
  • xandri

A little funny from ladyvivien

With permission, from a locked post:

Last night, Dad's computer went on the fritz, so he spent the whole of today lugging my sister's computer into the study so we could install broadband and thus not have to be deprived of our daily fix of porn procrastination other things beginning with 'p'. like ponies. and...I've run out of stuff that begins with 'p'.

And then, later in the post:

Now I have to go and read a book for my course that feels suspisciously like gay male porn. And then write fic to cleanse myself of the penises. penii. hey, another word beginning with 'p'! really fucking annoying narrator who has had an erection throughout the entire novel so far. I'm really quite impressed, in a grossed-out, 'ewww men!' sort of way.

It's really the last bit that had me rolling laughing.
  • Current Mood
    giggly XD
I am a girl of the future

(no subject)

neverreal muses on the relative edibility of hats and chocolate:

"i am wearing a rather large, purple furry hat, courtesy of my sister, karen. she got it for me from the royal show. it's making my head itchy, but i can't be bothered taking it off. besides i'm sure it makes me look super cool. she got me chocolate, too, which is way cooler than the hat because i can't eat the hat. i can, however, eat the chocolate."
practically perfect in every way [ja]

Google is divine, indeed

From myhappyface:

Sometime last week I apparently deleted one of my .dll files and, lo, there was great gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. Yet hope remained, for Google is a gift from on high to prove that someone loves us. Sayeth the search engine: Holly, I say unto you, fear not Internal Error 2894, for shall be your salvation, and you shall call it Rescuer of Windows, and sing its praises.

  • Current Music
    Care Bears
Irene - self

Car commercial

The entry is locked, but this is the whole post. It's from my wonderful friend Davey (spookykid520).

The other day I was watching tv, and I saw this commerical and as I watched it , I swore it was going to be a Geico commercial, but in the end it turned out that it was infact a commercial for women who suffer from postpartum depression. heh
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Peace Through Superior Meme-age

anahata56 commenting upon this post by alobar who was in New Orleans until just recently.

I have the feeling that, one day, it could all boil down to this--the formation of small, tribal communities of mutually dependent individuals, relying on one another not only for the basic necessities of life, but also for the propagation of the meme--that meme being the civilization from which a new society can form.

Clearly, this is what our ancestors did, and clearly we may be in a position of having to do it again. And what is almost frighteningly exciting about the whole concept of rebuilding a civilization is the idea that we can rebuild it BETTER.

Who would have thought that the end of the world could be so optimistic?!?!?!?! ;-)

Can we start right now? Pretty please?

full text of her post can be found here

Spread the meme!
  • Current Music
    The Times are a Changin' - Blackmore's Night
  • jaie

ihavemeaning is having cat troubles...

I have just unsuccessfully challenged one of my felines to unparalleled level of activity. I approached her corpulent bod, stretched out on the kitty tower and proclaimed, “Greta, you’ve been sleeping in that same spot all day. Why don’t you go do something constructive with your time?”

Half opening her eyes, Greta licked a paw and stared at me lazily. Then I thrust a mouse shaped toy in her general direction and cried, “here’s a catnip toy, okay? Why don’t you and Basil go off and get high or something?” But my feline has a more pressing agenda to attend to. Ignoring my pleas, Greta rolled over and promptly fell back asleep.

I guess not every kitty can be an overachiever.

It was the "here’s a catnip toy, okay? Why don’t you and Basil go off and get high or something?"...she's a kitty drug dealer now!!
sporfle, akotas, ehehe, snerk
  • mhari

I love my flist.

It's a two-fer! Both from locked posts (QWPTM).

txtfiles' father cut his foot:

I looked down at the foot he proferred, expecting to see nothing more than a larger band-aid, but instead was met with the sight of an Always maxi with wings wrapped around his instep, held in place by Johnson & Johnson's first-aid tape. YES. MY FATHER TAPED FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS TO HIS FOOT TO STAUNCH THE BLEEDING. I am currently auctioning off 6-hour chunks of time in which I will allow you to pretend like my awesome dad is your awesome dad, although it's hard to put a price on the priceless.

* * *

Meanwhile, barbarian_qulan 'splains something to people worried about falling birth rates:

We don't want to have the same fertility rate as the 1800s, dumbasses. People produced offspring like bunnies then because half the kids didn't even make it to puberty. We do not have a Planet of Infinite Holding.

(no subject)

My good friend, sangre_fria sums up a weekend spent staying home like so;

I had a strong feeling of being watched, so I just had to turn around and look at the chair across the room. It's moments like that when you just chuckle silently to yourself and smile. (Why, good morning, Chair. Did you sleep well?)

I love that last bit.
  • Current Music
    Renegade~ Styx

(no subject)

In a customers_suck post about scary drug-addled rednecks trying to get jobs, mewing_raven said:

"Now Hiring! Open positions: Psycho screaming lunatic, Bathroom toilet-seat warmer, Customer Breast Inspector, and Leering Technology Expert. Prefered Qualifications: Inability to grasp standard english, complete lack of social etiquite, semi-violent tendencies, and constipation. Management opporunities available."
  • Current Music
    Sigur Rós - Starálfur
shark hug
  • cortie

(no subject)

Neil Gaiman is still my hero.

And having fixed all those things, I need to sleep, so this is just a hasty post to say that you are an amazingly inventive lot, and while freeze-drying, lacquering or any of the other demonic tomato-based suggestions were really good, the overwhelming vote is for...

Demonic Salsa

get yours today at officialgaiman!!!
keep calm and run

(no subject)

Context: nick_stokes_ asks the question "Anyone ever wake up with a sore on your neck and don't remember where it came from?" in sages_of_chaos. Amongst the helpful information regarding cleaning the wounds and trying to avoid becoming a vampire, there's this tidbit:

finalgirl: It's a Nexus handshake.

A vampire bites you and now you're gay.

key_to_me: See, my theory says that he's already gotten bit, if you know what I mean. *whispers* So gay you can see it from SPACE.

finalgirl: "Sir! Our satellites just picked up something... fabulous."
  • Current Music
    Howard Shore -- Samwise the Brave