Metaquotes

teh_oregano writes to customers_suck about what happens one day ath the movies when people think they can make fun of you in their own language.

Bitch Woman: (suddenly able to speak English again! Wow!) Sell me the tickets already.
Me: No.
Asshole Man: YOU HAVE TO!
Me: No. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. I'm refusing services to you. If you don't leave, I'm going to call security and have them haul you out.
BW: How dare you?
Me: Hablo espanol, bitch.

heehee... emphasis mine. I just love the line. Context can be found here with the whole story being great!

From tikvah in the metaquotes entry I just put in here. Yep, I'm quick.


I'm Israeli-American, but I have no Hebrew accent in my English speech, and my Hebrew is not quite fluent. I was in Israel a few years back, taking a bus from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. I was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts, because it was very hot. Yes, this is relevant.

I wanted to be sure I was taking the right bus. Since the person in front of me in line asked the driver a question in English and the driver responded fluently, I also asked my question in English.

I got on the bus, two seats behind the driver. The guy in the seat in front of me started talking to the driver about me, more specifically about which body parts he liked - my legs, my butt - and which ones he would prefer augmented (guess which).

I let the jerk go on and on. The driver just listened, occasionally responding to his friend with non-committal grunts or head movements - in Israel, the roads are insane, and the drivers really need to focus on the driving. When it was time for me to leave the bus, I casually said, in Hebrew, as I passed the jerk in the seat ahead of mine, "It's not polite to talk about people in a language that you think they don't speak - and it makes you look silly when they understand you."

The driver and the other passengers in earshot started howling with laughter. The jerk turned beet red and muttered something under his breath. I just smiled and walked off.

But damn, I do like the "Habla Espanol, bitch" line.

"It's a terrible burden, having taste, but it's better than the alternative."
janusdoa in the savagelove feed here

hoipolloifn
Asks the eternal question we all do...


Have you ever had one of those days when no one wants to hang out with you and you thought:

Am I too sexy?


http://www.livejournal.com/users/hoipolloifn/64151.html

miladygrey has a few notes for library patrons here.

To the two (presumably) adult men whom I found doing mock-judo chops at each other in the sports aisle today. I don't want to know. I really don't. Just please do not have your sad Chuck Norris fantasies in the library, or I will go Crouching Librarian, Hidden Spork on you.

I was all "Is this going to be a thing about the glories of Moon Blood?"

fuzzybluelogic here.

The original metaquote is here. The meta-meta, by wanderingrogue, is here:

I live in Oklahoma and even though I'm hardly fluent in Spanish, I'm more than capable of recognizing Spanish swear words and insults. Of course, it helps that my Aunt is Mexican and suffers from acute road rage. ;)

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to quote this potentially offensive post made by leadhindenburg in angryletters:

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edit: I know what a gat is. I just titled the entry that. Thanks anyway, though.

Quoted from an f-locked post with permission:

"You know, this is what's wrong with this country these days. Apparently not only do you have to write a manual explaining to someone how to wipe their ass, but also include three pages of disclaimers with the toilet paper in case it's misused.

Speaking of TP, I gotta zip to the store. >.> *zips*"

perian:

Apparently the sun rises before noon. Who knew?

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From an f-locked entry:

gogogidget - "Note to you all: When You say "love me" then "hate me," your train of thought shouldn't immidately jump to "rape me." That just shows you've been listening to WAAAY too much Nirvana. It's all fun and games until someone ends up married to Courtney Love."

First metaquote, so, Hi!

pr10n in the Immortal Veronica Mars Doors Debate

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from ursulav regarding recent dental work:

I knew it was a bad sign when the nurse leaned over and said "Honey, y'all evah had kids?"

"...gnofb?" I said.

"'Cos this is gonna feel like yo' gums just had a baby."

"..eepfb..!"

found here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ursulav/377084.html

nautilus_shore, here, in a friendslocked post (put here with permission).

I finally got a hold of my Spokane tenant today and bitched him out (and by bitched out I mean politely inquired) about the rent. He sent it my way and it’s a good thing too otherwise I’d have to get Gestapo on his ass (and by Gestapo on his ass I mean find a corner and sulk).

That's the entire post :)

This is an entry from customers_suck by selunca about how much she hates peopel who come in first thing in the morning and expect you to be able to break big bills:

"When I finish your transaction, and you THROW, not give, not place on the counter, throw, a $100 bill at me, I'll assume its a tip."

The rest fo the entry can be found here

A pair of metaquotes this time, because my flist is making me laugh today.

From juniperlore, who hates Pearl Jam even more than I do.

"About 5 years ago I was kidnapped by the government (working with the media giants of the US). Later I found out it was part of a top secret program to keep the masses in chaos and violence by making and releasing people with a "trigger" who would fly off the handle (apparently for no reason) and harm people and things around them, thus making news for the media to report on and keep the general population scared. They made us watch bad children's television and listen to mediocre cds on a loop while we slept. this went on all day every day for weeks or months, I'm still not sure.

When they had programmed my trigger and thought I was ready they tested me on a bunny. There wasn't even enough left for a lucky foot.

Since then, the program has been abandoned and I've received some help for my urges, but I still think "KILLKILLKILL" whenever I hear Pearl Jam."

That's the whole post. There is no other context. Context is for the weak.

---

And in my journal, the oft-quoted active_apathy also brought the funny. There was a news headline that I read as "Forecasters say deadly storm may spawn tomatoes," rather than "tornadoes" as the last word.

"Does a storm in a teacup spawn cherry tomatoes?"

Both QWP.

deltashade tells us about a person who wants to start a Yoda slash comm in this entry. The replies go like this:

dracothelizard: Yoda/Luke OTP! C'mon, they were SO doing it on that swamp planet of his. Yoda probably said it was part of the Jedi training, which considering the vibes between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, and between Obi-Wan and Anakin, is probably true. Master/Apprentice, yo.
chaosvizier: I guess that makes Darth Sidious the Sith man-slut extraordinaire. First he got "horny" with Darth Maul. Then, he showed Count Dooku his Orthanc (which I guess was more impressive than Yoda's Gimer Stick; explains why he turned). And finally, he invaded Vader.

tianamalla on being declined from a feminist community:

Wow. I think I'm going to go cry. Or dress in pretty skirts and simper a bit.

A locked post by pinstripe_bindi, QWP:

Interfering, dried-up old busybodies get their knickers in a twist over a quote on a Starbucks' cup.

The Concerned Women for America need to buy a vibrator, get a fucking job or a serious hobby, and stop sticking their fucking noses into everyone's business. I mean, SERIOUSLY. "Oh no! Gay ninjas are infiltrating the country through the clever use of literature on coffee cups!!" GAWD. How far gone do you have to be to not realize how IDIOTIC AND INSANE that sounds?

Personally, I've never once read a single one of those quotes. I know they're there, but they're always covered by the cardboard sleeve that prevents you from getting a heat rash while you hold your coffee. Those quotes could be urging me to worship Satan and bathe in infants' blood and I'd have no idea.

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These are just too good not to include them all. In sistercoyote cadhla's(damned lj messup) post, there are new commandments set in place.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/cadhla/827233.html

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How to dye your hair, a too-funny-to-pick-a-single-bit instructional manual from alienfox.

"Not-so-easy Preparation

Put on the crap gloves we have provided and unscrew the Color Activating Cream (marked container A), then open the Colour Formula (also marked Container A).

Carefully replace the cap of whichever "Container A" you have opted to use and shake wildly, ejecting golfball-sized blobs of protoplasmic hair dye onto the ceiling. Continue this process until the mixture is the colour of urine."

I don't have reception up my fanny anyway.

said by elvenqueen here

xylohypha brings us knowledge!

From a recent article in Scientific American:

"The theoretical study of black hole production in high-energy collisions goes back to the work of Roger Penrose of the University of Oxford in the mid-1970s and Peter D'Eath and Philip Norbert Payne, both then at Cambridge, in the early 1990s."

I wonder if I'm the only one who read that, and almost immediately thought, "I really want to see an SF story whose spaceships are propelled by something called the D'Eath Drive."

I'm holding out for the Payne Propulsion Unit.

ursalav has started a new blog dedicated to one of her art projects. In the second post on gearworld, the chronicles of Eland the Younger, we find this delightful line:

Heinrich does not like camels. He does not much like our mule, Mirabelle, either, but Mirabelle makes up for this by not much liking Heinrich.

As I scrolled down my friends page, I came across a bad_rpers_suck post by siyengo. From my point of view, it consisted of an introduction, and lj-cut and the following disclaimer:

Note: If there is actually anybody named Xillendria Ravyn out there, I'm sorry if I offended you. And I extend my sympathies, I really do. The same goes for any blonde blue-eyed fair-skinned ethnic Chinese with a passion for Shintoism. Also, I was not just suggesting that lesbians are five-armed were-mooses, nor that they are Scottish.

I was quite pleased to discover that beyond the lj-cut lay further amusement, but that disclaimer had me rolling in the proverbial metaphorical aisles.

"I like the smell of cheese, because it means I'm near cheese, and I can eat it."

From a friends-locked post by superciliary, with her permission.

thebratqueen on New Orleans (http://www.livejournal.com/users/thebratqueen/686736.html)

I said it elsewhere but it bears repeating: New Orleans will go on. This town is Buffy. It's already died twice. It's survived fires, floods, wars, Protestants, and Mardi Gras. Sure Katrina's currently taunting it and saying "Ohh, this mortal wound is all itchy." but New Orleans will get on its feet and will tell Katrina that what it wants is for Katrina to get out of its face.

And then it will party, because it is New Orleans and not a vampire slayer.


Well, it made me smile at least :P