August 27th, 2005

britta guns - shelightsupwell

(no subject)


Whoever decided that Matt Damon and Heath Ledger ought to play brothers in a movie like The Brothers Grimm has got to be a slasher. I'll bet money that the casting director has already written several fanfics. S/he probably calls them 'Grimmcest' and thinks it's clever.
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Not awake yet

Because we can never get enough Samuel L Jackson in here...

I confidently predict that next year's greatest movie release will be:

Snakes On A Plane.

Take a moment to digest that. Snakes on a plane.

And let me reassure you: It's not some ponderous metaphor-rich Todd Solondz movie about ennui and anguish and how terribly mean we all are to each other, set in a small town launderette and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Patricia Clarkson.

It's about snakes on a plane. And it stars Samuel L Jackson.

The plot:

"On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, let loose a crate full of deadly snakes."

And that's it! And that's all you need! Snakes! On a plane! To quote Samuel L Jackson himself; "You either want to see this movie or you don't. Snakes On A Plane! There's no mystery to that!"

Obviously it'll be a massive hit, and they'll want to make a sequel. The law of diminishing returns suggest it'll most likely be Goats On A Bus, or Chickens On A Pedallo, starring Jason Patric. I'm hoping for Bears On A Cruise Ship, or Leopards On A Space Station.

They briefly changed the title of Snakes On A Plane to Pacific Air Flight 121. Samuel L Jackson made them change it back.

"I get to spend six and a half weeks going to set every day going 'Ah! Ah! Ow! Ow!' I don't have to go in every day and figure out the dramatic purpose of this particular scene."

Snakes On A Plane.

-wheeler, my new favorite movie title reviewer

(no subject)

velvet_ropes was at a Anime Con a few days ago and she sold some of her pictures of anime characters there. When she came back, she gave a report about what happened at the con. The following is a conversation between her and a girl who is obviously new to the fact that many male anime characters look like girls. (and are prettier than girls, for that matter. XD)

Her: *pointing to Anoh* "She's cute!"
Me: "Heh heh, that's actually a guy."
Her: O_O "THAT'S a guy?! But those heels..! Those girly eyes..!"
Me: "Welcome to anime, my friend!" *pointing to a Kazuki print* "See? He's also a guy!"

I seriously think I broke her brain. xD

Posted with permission from a f-locked entry.
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(no subject)

In a locked post (QWP), shaysdays shares an e-mail exchange she had with a friend

My friend: when the smeg were you in canada??

Me: Just last week- um, I sent pictures to you? In this e-mail thread we've got going?

Friend: I didn't realize they had petting zoos in Canada..

Me: Oh, yes- Canadians are very friendly if approached gently and appreciate a scratch on the the bridge of the nose. We brought some food from Tim Hortons and spread it out over their pen and it was so cute to see them run around scooping it up, bleating, "Double double? Double double? Two fer?" the whole time. Neener wants a Canadian, but I told her we just don't have the yard space. She's upset, but they don't do well in our area- there's no hockey leagues for at least two miles.
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(no subject)

The following discussion comes from the replies in this post by duia In said post is mentioned how you can misspell "years" in Spanish so it comes out as "I have 41 anuses"

bastmoon: Awkward? Or a golden opportunity for a gay orgy? You decide.
duia: I think I love you
bastmoon: But do you really love me? Or just my 41 love-holes?
duia: I say love is love, no matter what hole it's directed to.
bastmoon: That belongs on a tee shirt.
duia: If I ever run for president, that will probably be my platform.

babyslyme: My mom once said when you screw up accents or pronounciations in language, it always has to be something about pooping or body parts... it's never anything like, "I have 41 fuzzy kittens" that you said by mistake.
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sharp, impressed
  • rosefox

"Anirixa, my freind."

The last anorexic letter I read was so poorly written, I thought the author was a retard. This is the gist of the letter:

“This disorder is so debilateting, it is as if a theif has crepd in and stolen my leife. I feil so scared, but there is nuffing I can do. I want to dye. I want to come back and have enougher chaynce.”

Microsoft Word initially wouldn’t even let me recreate it. Not because of the spelling errors, although there are obviously plenty of those. Nope. It was because it was too melodramatic. When I started to type it, the little paper clip with eyes popped up with a fatuous smile and said:
“It looks like you are writing a letter. It looks like it is melodramatic. Would you like to:
1) Stop writing this melodramatic letter
2) Write another fucking boring letter
3) Get psychiatric help.”

I can’t wait for Microsoft Psychiatrist to come out. You could just type out the history of your miserable life in .doc format and then run a sanity checker on it. It would cut admissions by ninety percent. Borderlines could use cut and paste to heal their own self inflicted wounds. Schizophrenics could use Spelling and Grammar to assess the severity of their thought disorder. Psychopaths could ‘ignore rules’ to their hearts’ content. Depressive patients could plug into the PC via USB cable and electrodes and trigger their own unilateral shock treatment. Genuinely suicidal patients could just hop in the bath and pull the whole PC in with them.

--uberjeep, here
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