Friends Mum is planting an orchard on her block south of Colac, and was pondering the inevitable problem of rabbits...
Friends Brother: You know what you need? A pigmy alligator.
friend: Yeah! Alligator! I could call him Snappy...
Mum: Yes, but I would like to be able to harvest my fruit without getting eaten.
Brother: Oh, that's easy - you just put a magnet inside the alligator with a remote control, and when you want to go in, use it to stick him to the ground.
friend: *muttering darkly* Alligator torturer...
Brother: Or even better, put the magnets on his top and bottom jaws, so his mouth would get jammed shut.
friend: That is so horrible! How can you do that to Snappy?!?
Brother: It's only a hypothetical alligator. Besides, it'd learn pretty quick: "Snappy, close your mouth." *mimes using remote control*. After a few times he'll get the idea. And what kind of name is Snappy, anyway? *segues into random Simpsons quote* "...I'll call him Stampy"
friend: Elephant! That'd be great!
Brother: Do you know how big elephants are?
friend: We'll get a pigmy one. Although ... not sure how much good it would be with the rabbits...
Brother: Just teach it to lob them into the dam.
friend: *imitates the screams of drowning rabbits*
Brother: Or better yet, give it a croquet mallet.
Mum: Do you think you could teach it to put the rabbits in the freezer after it hits them? That'd be good.
Brother: I'm thinking that after the elephant's done with the croquet mallet, there won't be a whole lot of rabbit left...