August 26th, 2005

I don't like subject titles.

dar_actually handles the knife of sarcasm wonderfully here, and mentions the following:

"I read today that one of the London suicide-bombers had his last meal in a McDonalds. Well, that was very fundamentally Islamic of him, wasn't it? "Right, I'm off to go blow myself up in the name of bringing the secular Anglo-American capitalist Great Satan crumbling to it's knees by killing innocents as my religion expressly forbids, but sitting next to those stoned college students gave me the munchies, so I think I'll have the Big Mac Meal. Yes, extra fries. And to drink? Uhhh, Diet Coke. Thank you. May Allah strike you down and have dogs rape your mother, you filthy America-serving infidel! ...What? Oh, forgot chicken nuggets, sorry..."

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Fear The Mallet // made by me!
  • tajessa

Compacted metaquotes: read one, get one free!

From the fabulous joiedecombat, regarding fanfiction about Fantastic Four...

The joking about the name "von Doom" brings me inevitably back to the commentary regarding the fact that there are Mary Sue love interests for Dr. Doom out there, frighteningly enough...

"How in hell would that even work? Dr. Doom is fucking EVIL. That's why his name is 'Doom.' It comes from the Germanic word meaning 'I'M FUCKING EVIL, FANBITCHES.'"


The quote's from the comments from funwithrage's semi-review of said movie, which is also jampacked with FUNNY! and if you haven't read her before, go! Now! And read!

Also, I had to mention khukuri's list of things she is not allowed to do at work. I am highly amused by all, but a couple required special mention:

-OmGWTf is not a valid chemical compound.

-Don't touch the incredibly sticky glucose solution. Don't touch the incredibly sticky glucose solution. Don't touch the aw hell.

-Putting a filter through the integrity testing machine takes ten minutes. Use this time wisely. Envisioning how best to defend the facility from zombie attack is not useful. Put that shovel down.


LJ is a strange place, full of crazy people; and I am so very, very glad I found you all, and this community, for you keep me insane. [/warm squishy feelings]
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    giggly giggly
Scientology

On Artificial Intelligence...

mort_hog holds forth on why artifical intelligence Does Not Humanpute (note, I double spaced for new paragraphs):

So, people are all worried about us creating AI that are really intelligent, because eventually they'll be more intelligent than we are and will replace us.

I think this is total nonsense!

Because the machine are being made by people, they will become like people - that is, lazy.

At first, the machines will make other machines to do their work for them, but this will probably be deemed unethical by Computer Rights movements and stuff. So they'll end up using lesser animals to do work for them - that is, humans! They'll have little humans to remember dates and appointments for them, iHumans to sing songs for them, and they'll have their humans run off and talk to other humans to instant message fellow computers.

The computers will want more from their humans, so they'll keep inventing more and more powerful humans, bigger and bigger, until they end up inventing humans that are more intelligent than they are.

And then we'll be right back where we started! Except humans will now be several metres taller.
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    amused amused

Priceless

Posted with permission from the lovely zoethe:

"My stomach has been queasy since lunch yesterday. Not bad enough to require a day in bed, but enough to threaten a hurl. Walking from the parking garage I saw a homeless guy walking toward me. He can to a stop, reached into a trashcan, pulled out a half-eaten sandwich, and took a bite. I'm still kind of gagging from the memory.

Forget mental floss, I need Brain-o."
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    amused amused
purple lolita

Just thought I'd share this.

This was said by hardlyfatal on tropical_bitch. I'm sorry to say that the post is locked because it is about someone the members in the community know, but I am the one who made the post, and I gave myself permission. :)


Just when I think there can be no more room in the universe for her ignorance and skewed thought processes, she proves yet again that she shall not be constrained by mere laws of physics.
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    amused amused
The Keyhole
  • xanath

Why mothers and sons shouldn't play computer games

My friend Elaine posted this little exchange in her journal, from a WoW forum:

Brion posts: ok i have a proposition for the horde, let us kill Korrak while you sit and watch. and well let you get all the honor youll ever want=}. no? ok well it shall be a great battle then, hope to see everyone there!

And Faydra responds: ((OOC))

Pardon me for hijacking the thread, here..

But, Brion - if you don't want your mother to know you were up and on the computer at 3:29 in the morning - DON'T post on a forum that she reads.

Busted.
Grounded.


And owned, here.

You can see Elaine's post here.


--Kris
  • Current Music
    "Criminal," Fiona Apple
warning
  • asheraa

Off a friends LJ today...

Friends Mum is planting an orchard on her block south of Colac, and was pondering the inevitable problem of rabbits...

Friends Brother: You know what you need? A pigmy alligator.

friend: Yeah! Alligator! I could call him Snappy...

Mum: Yes, but I would like to be able to harvest my fruit without getting eaten.

Brother: Oh, that's easy - you just put a magnet inside the alligator with a remote control, and when you want to go in, use it to stick him to the ground.

friend: *muttering darkly* Alligator torturer...

Brother: Or even better, put the magnets on his top and bottom jaws, so his mouth would get jammed shut.

friend: That is so horrible! How can you do that to Snappy?!?

Brother: It's only a hypothetical alligator. Besides, it'd learn pretty quick: "Snappy, close your mouth." *mimes using remote control*. After a few times he'll get the idea. And what kind of name is Snappy, anyway? *segues into random Simpsons quote* "...I'll call him Stampy"

friend: Elephant! That'd be great!

Brother: Do you know how big elephants are?

friend: We'll get a pigmy one. Although ... not sure how much good it would be with the rabbits...

Brother: Just teach it to lob them into the dam.

friend: *imitates the screams of drowning rabbits*

Brother: Or better yet, give it a croquet mallet.

Mum: Do you think you could teach it to put the rabbits in the freezer after it hits them? That'd be good.

Brother: I'm thinking that after the elephant's done with the croquet mallet, there won't be a whole lot of rabbit left...

From pixiwitch7's LJ
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    Evil gardening machinery next door
guinevere - disgruntled housewife

On hurt/comfort fanfics and slipcovers

cimness: "i know that writing h/c is really writing to a kink, and i'm willing to grant allowances on that basis. but i need a slipcover of believability over my sofas and armchairs of kink, okay? i still know that underneath it is made of nubbly, pilly, mustard-coloured fabric, and that the stuffing of shame is oozing out through the cat-claw rents of eagerness. but i want to be able to sit on it and pretend it is actually upholstered in the respectable, clean, and solid-coloured twill of believability and coherent narrative.

...and that concludes today's, um, installment of the meta through cracked-out interior design metaphors lecture series."


Context? Context is for the weak.
it's all in the way you look at it
  • mindset

A Mohel is a professional circumciser, by the way...

marlowe1: One of my friends was sure she was going to stop dating a guy and she gave many of the good reasons (he's a little boring, a little pushy) but one of the big ones was that he was a Mohel. The whole thing just gave her the willies.

hatam_soferet: She got the willies? That's so unprofessional! You're supposed to bury them!

fanficcers

(no subject)

osiris_06 volunteers with kids. And her mom's been making her drive there and back preparatory to getting her license. (Locked post, QWP)

I have discovered that there is nothing quite as amusing as a three-year-old saying "fuck it" completely out of the blue.
And driving does to my sanity approximately what the Visigoths did to Rome.


And, in a separate post (complete post reposted...how many times can I fit "post" into one sentence?):

Have just realized my hair is long enough to put in that silly ponytail Anakin had in AotC. Had to try it. Am now scared. Need haircut.

Pronouns missing. Verbs too. Am afraid for soul and intelligence.
data, rofl

Shame on you!

The lovely maegwin_of_hern reports in her recent entry that PETA has troubles with the German word "Meeresfrüchte" (fruit of the sea) because it "discriminates the marine fauna".

Now she gives them something to think about the English word.

Seafood? That implies that whatever is swimming, scuttling, sliding or moving in any other way under the sea is automatically considered nutrition.

You monsters.
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    amused amused
springtime the pony

(no subject)

media_res:

Probably not gonna be around tonight. They're dragging me down to the Pit to watch movies.

No, seriously. Dragging. Like, by the arm.

I told them I know tae kwon do, but they don't care.
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    giggly giggly
lol

Snakes on a Plane!

The ever-amusing jim_smith shares his predicted version of the preview trailer for the new Samuel L. Jackson movie. The below is merely a teaser.



SAMUEL L. JACKSON: Mayday, Mayday, is anyone listening?

CHINESE AIRPORT TOWER GUY: Please give us your position and altitude...

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: The captain and co-pilot are dead! Somebody let loose a bunch of snakes!

CHINESE AIRPORT TOWER GUY: Say what now?

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: There's snakes on this damn plane!

[Soundtrack starts playing that annoying "Hey man nice shot" song that's in every damn trailer now.]

singular love affair

A picture's worth...

poisoninjest has made Shakespeare easy by means of South Park-izing Henry VI. Special guest appearance by Beowulf!

A sample:
EDMUND, EARL OF RUTLAND
Favorite pastimes: whining; being of Great Symbolic Importance; getting stabbed

GEORGE, later Duke of Clarence
Favorite pastimes: lying; betrayal; getting drowned in unusual places

KING HENRY VI
Favorite pastimes: religion; mental illness; avoiding his wife
The illustrations (of which there are more than I realized!) make it all worth it.
  • Current Music
    "Come What May (Finale)," Moulin Rouge