August 4th, 2005

  • libram


Random: Asswipe is a real actual name, pronounced "uh-SWEEP-ay" and spelled... "Asswipe".

And once my mother knew someone named Mrs (never saw it so must guess at spelling) Krapyushet.

I dream of the day I can name a child Asswipe Krapyushet.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

From so_jayded's journal

R3d5oX: im torturing Keebler Elves
XxJ4yd3xX: ...
R3d5oX: :D
XxJ4yd3xX: sexually?
R3d5oX: yea, im trying that bondage shit with the Keebler elves in my basement, im using cooking utensils and other cooking shit to tie them up and have some fun

cap'n gun

(no subject)

A random post by a rather funny LJer who has never been meta'd, boomstick

Aw, fuck.

You know that My Chemical Romance song, Helena?

Yeah. Just saw the video and I think it's growing on me and I think I kind of like it.

I also kind of like the video, or am starting to. The goffix spooky emo ballerina freaks me out, and I like it.

The lead singer? Yeah, he's not looking too bad. I used to think he was just some little bitch but I'm starting to see why scene kids cream their size 2 boot-cut distressed jeans at the sight of him.

I seriously think the blueberries I just had were probably bad. I hated this song, video, and lead singer a day ago.

I still think their guitarist looks like Carrot Top, though. HA. Victory!

boomstick, I love you X3

..Just not in the Michael Jackson "come sleep in my bed little girl boy" way.
dancing squirrelly


From arjei, here.

Our nametags at work are craptacular, and out of semi-bordom, I started screwing with one. Now normaly they say:

Hello! I'm
(Insert name here)
Have a nice day!

So in the name field I put "in ur h00d, takin ur c@$h".

Tomorrow I'm using "killing you with my mind". :P
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
M Take Note

Because banjos are generally amusing.

kouryou has had a bad few days at work. The following is her entire post for yesterday afternoon.

At work. Alone. Rejoicing.

Restringing a banjo is like getting totally and completely drunk... It takes a long time, involves screwdrivers, the slightest nudge results in bad noise and pain, and when you're done... you're not too sure whether it was a good idea or not.
agent may is unimpressed

On appropriateness at BBQs (not the OMGWTF kind)

This morning I got the song "Because I Got High" (by Afroman) stuck in my head. Last time I heard that song, was July 4th. Some people had started their BBQ early, and were playing their music top volume. And all was fine until they got to the line, "I was gonna eat your pussy too, but then I got high..."

Someone screamed out, "You can't play that shit!" and it abruptly stopped.

At that point it seemed like a good idea to get up.


(no subject)

As the Foob-iverse Journal discusses this month's For Better or For Worse character letters, Aprilp_katje shows us just how little Michael Patterson (and/or Lynn Johnston) knows about photography.

From the real letter
"Weed not only manages to capture the essence of his subjects, he explores angles, backgrounds, textures, and lighting -- something few photographers dare to do!"

Aprilp_katje writes:
In an alternate universe, Weed reports thusly about Mike in a monthly letter:

"Michael Patterson is such a gifted writer. He not only uses verbs and nouns, but he also incorporates adjectives, adverbs, gerunds, and even prepositions! Sometimes he even uses punctuation."
rage-clean ALL the things

(no subject)

the_headhunter commenting on iharthdarth's latest brilliant comic

Darth's 9th Rule For Dating His Daughter:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, asthmatic, evil has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing merciless sith of your galaxy. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a lightsabre, an R2 unit, and a five acre lava field on Mustafar. Do not trifle with me.
flowers that last forever

(no subject)

ladyjadia has a wonderfully helpful mom...

I have a coworker who also happens to be fabulous and wonderful, even if he
doesn't want to put Ewan McGregor up on his computer 24/7. However, my mother
was horrified to learn he doesn't know a lick of Yiddish, so she made him a
dictionary full of helpful phrases. I brought it in today and we immediately
became drawn to the phrase

Gay kocken offen yam

means, I believe, "Go shit in the ocean," but of course has now

Me: Gay cocken?
Coworker: Gay cocken often.
Me: Gay
cocken often -- yum!

Smoothy Smoothe Legs

This entire entry made me laugh.
Found in

"I must admit that this vibrating razor thing is kind of cool. My awesome new hot pink Venus Vibrance razor. It's like shaving with an electric razor in the shower. Which is kind of weird, but still. The commercials don't lie! My legs really are exceptionally smooth. And my bikini line? No problem. The packaging says that it supposedly exfoliates too (to instantly reveal more radiant skin), which would be neat. But I'm not sure how exactly to tell if my legs have been exfoliated or not. But I'm still pretty damn impressed. This is so my new favorite thing. And yes, I just took a shower so I could test it out. Shut up. It's not like I have anything better to do. "
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly

(no subject)

froggie found an article somewhere regarding people's different views of bisexuality. Some of them are funny, other offensive, and a third part actually make sense.

Part of which is the following:

*The ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.

*Someone who can walk into a room and see everyone as a piece of ass.

And so on.

Her comment at the end: I think I'd be a pervert no matter what sexual orientation I held.

The entire post can be found here.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry

on fortunes

In a now-unlocked (transcribed)phone post, neurotica0 musese on the nature of fortune-cookie fortunes:

well I'll end by reading the fortune I found tucked away in my phone. "The face of nature reflects all of life's ups and downs." This is not a fucking fortune! This is a saying. Stop gipping me with these damn little saying fortunes. I want "You're going to fall off a cliff when you leave from work tomorrow." I mean, it's dismal, but it's a fortune.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Trouble with the post

pinksparklystar has been having problems with getting a package delivered. On the second delivery attempt, the postman didn't even knock, and just pushed a card through meaning she would have to go to the postal depot (miles away) to collect it herself...

so...i phoned up the royal mail again and they said they'd redeliver my package on saturday, so yay for that! i can't say i was very impressed with the patronising manner of the man i spoke to - "i'll make sure he knocks *extra loud* this time". though, to be fair, the fact that i still have the voice of a small child may have caused this, so i can't really blame him fully.

QWP, from friends-locked entry.
  • Current Music
    Ed Evans - Cow in a tree

Yay death and mass destruction

fluffygremlin  is writing a story while she's supposed to be working.  She likes to post teasers such as...

"...we can just ask the Creator of the Universe to play nice and stop dicking with people?”
“I don’t know if I would personally curse out God, but do whatever floats your boat. By-the-bye, I don’t think He would just stop “dicking” with people. That’s how He amuses Himself.”
“He really needs to find a new way to mess with people that doesn't involve death and destruction.”
“What did you think Harry Potter was for?"


Damian was lounging on the bed, his swollen appendage propped up on a few pillows.

prowling the net

How to Deal With Annoying Missionaries

ravenclaw_eric has found a unique way of dealing with the Jehovah's Witnesses when they come to call, as described in this post.

To cut a long story short, he'd already had the Mormons knocking on his door, and having been helped out by them in the past, he'd invited them in for coffee and a chat. While they're sitting around chatting, there's another knock on the door. Who should it be, but the local Jehovah's Witnesses?

Can you see where this is heading yet? >:)

That's right. He invited them in to join the discussion.

I made introductions all around, explained that we already were discussing religion, and sat back.  It was all I could do to suppress an evil snicker.

Very Soon Indeed, voices were being raised, texts were being quoted, accusations of heresy and misbelief were flying thick and fast, and I
wished that I had a white sheet to wrap myself in, a laurel wreath to stick in my hair, and my girlfriend to drop grapes into my mouth.  It went on for a couple of hours, and was more fun than I'd had in a long time.

I should probably be ashamed of myself for precipitating this situation.  No harm was done, other than to people's feelings, and much
amusement was given (to me).  I'll probably be ashamed---just not yet, as St. Augustine might say. 
MISC - vk Közi relaxed

(no subject)

Musing over a comment comparing certain Harry Potter 'ships to owning black slaves, ciara_belle tells us everything we need to know about ... everything.

See, they're kind of like the Republicans. Not all Harry/Hermione shippers are bad. There's definitely the Arlen Specter contingent of nice, sane, rational shippers who understand reality.

And then there's the Rick Santorum-esque shippers, who are batshit insane and making inflammatory and completely illogical comparisons.

Just like with the GOP, the batshit crazy ones are the ones people seem to focus on and hear the most from.

agent may is unimpressed

On Richards' curse

I started this one, but it's not really what I'm metaquoting from this comments thread from scans_daily:

trishalynn: I've never seen the movie in question, but I think shouting, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" is more satisfying.

thehefner: Yes, but Khan is utter frustrated fury. But Richards? Richard you can blame for anything! Run out of gas? Curse Richards! Getting fired from your job? Curse Richards! Stub your toe? Curse Richards! Girlfriend leave you for a four-eyed pothead lame-o son of a world famous author? Curse Richards! The Fantastic Four movie? Oh, you bet that's a Curse Richards.
  • flax

(no subject)

eibii on enduring hydrogen peroxide-induced pain (from a comment on my own locked post) :

Distract yourself by looking at the pretty fizzy bubbles! It'll be like watching The Lawrence Welk Show, with pus!
[c] hark! a vagrant! - eat a dick
  • renne

(no subject)

In a post cupiscent ponders which Star Wars characters would be who in the X-Men universe:

Padme is Rogue, because no one's supposed to be touching her, but if you listen to the fanfic authors, many people are finding ways around that rule.