July 26th, 2005

[Contemplation] Deep silent complete

(no subject)

In response to the question: "What is the most startlingly stupid thing you have ever heard someone say?" at azwp, kswissa had this to say:

"In my grade 10, academic Canadian History course we were discussing Nuclear technology and the cold war. The teacher was explaining how a nuclear bomb would destroy everything etcetc.
A girl puts up her hand and says frantically "But if the world exploded, HOW ARE WE STILL HERE?!" "

The whole post is worth checking out, lots of jewels from the vaults of Stupid there already.
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    amused amused

Harry Potter and sex toys

And I'm not referring to fan-fiction! My comrade Vamour has this little incident that was so embarrassing, it must be shared...WITH THE WORLD (here's the entry, http://www.livejournal.com/users/vamour/83583.html?view=287103#t287103 )

"Oh boy...

So I got down to the farm, and asked my mum "Hey, where are those Harry Potter books?" She said "In my room, in the drawers." I went to look...

And found my mother's collection of sex toys.

In all shapes and sizes.

I do believe that I'll never be sexually capable ever again.

Someone please, shoot me."

And once again, thanks to Harry Potter, another young mind is ruined...
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    amused amused

(no subject)

Thoroughly out of context, this was a comment made by oatmeal to my post about my recent engagement. He felt the need to write a short scene describing how my wedding might be if the ceremony was performed by a food processor.

Food Processor: WHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRchkchkchkchk
Her (cautiously, trying to remember the words): WHRRR...RRRRR...RRRRchkchkchk...chk.
Her: *adds strawberries*
Her: I do.
Her: *adds milk*
Him: (confident)WHRRRRRRRRRRchkchkchkRRRRRGRRRR
Him: *adds ice-cream*
Mother of the bride: *begins to cry softly*
Him: I do.
M.o.t.B: *sobs loudly, while husband comforts her*
Him: *adds bananas*
FP: rrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Him + Her: *exchange rings*
Her: *ring falls into processor.* oops!
crowd: nervous laughter.
Her: *reaches into FP*
Her: *screams*
him: *faints*
Crowd: *enjoys strawberry-banana-blood smoothies*

Collapse )

Three in one

jss1113, in a reply to prince_eric's inquisitive post about the word "fail" being banned in British schools:Collapse )
The original is not from LiveJournal, but stuart_moulder posted it in his journal, and provides a link there. The whole thing is hilarious; this is a sample only: WW II, as a multiplayer RTS game chat log.
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wt heck the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

Finally, from customers_suck: The quote is a caption to a picture in the post... which you must see.
::over the intercom:: BING!!! Cleanup, Aisle Everywhere. Cleanup, Aisle Everywhere.
  • sukael

(no subject)

Over in a free-for-all advice-based RP community, Willy Wonka (the new version) asks what's wrong with him.

Mr. T says:

"You're lonely, fool!"

Superman replies:

"Mr. T is usualy right. He's like Brainiac, but he's not a jerk, or green, or homocidal, and usualy wears pants. So not like Brainiac at all.

"Maybe get a pet? A dog, or a cat, or psuedo-adopt a clone that your arch-nemesis made from you and him in some freaky sceneario out of one of those eye-burning "slash" stories out there, only to have him never take out the trash or walk the caped dog and go date Wonder Girl...


"Alternativly, maybe you want to pass your top-hat wearing knowledge on? Find an apprentice? I hear that can work out well."
intelligent interested

"The Party Hat of the Dark Lord!"

From kajafoglio:

"The Kid has just come home from yet another birthday party, bringing with him the "Party Hat of EVIL!" This is an actual Lord of the Rings conical party hat, featuring the One Ring in all its glory. It also has the Elvish script from the ring running along the bottom of the hat in fiery letters. The ground is dark blue, with a slightly darker colored map of Middle Earth. Overall, the design of the thing is lovely, it's a really pretty thing in its own way. But...it's so completely clueless! It's like having children's party gear featuring an adorable Disney cartoon of the Whore of Babylon and her pet beast."

(Luna adds: Yay for the party hat of the Beast!)

(no subject)


Scary penis!

From missmaryrae over at fanficrants - I'd quote the post she commented on, but that would give this quote context, which would suck, and besides - I'd have to quote the whole thing, I couldn't decide between the funny! Suffice to say the bad pornographers got a dressingdown re: Mister Twobyfourinthepants. With ascii diagrams.

EDIT: This is the URL though :P http://www.livejournal.com/community/fanficrants/963067.html?view=28540667#t28540667
  • Current Music
    Oasis: Stand By Me
The Queen is a NERD
  • livii

The Queen's a fangirl

The Queen is apparently a Doctor Who fan; redscharlach comments on her Majesty's increasing fen status here:

Gosh, her Majesty is a real bandwagon-jumping fangirl these days, isn't she. Although I am amused that the article tries to point up her old-school fandom credentials. (Perhaps someone should check by giving her a trivia test – I'm not sure she wouldn't look at a picture of William Hartnell and say "Oh look, the dowager Duchess of Portsmouth!") But anyway, whatever next? The Queen gets an LJ? The Queen ships Nine/Rose? (Well, it beats Charles/Camilla.) The Queen was disappointed by the cancellation of Firefly but she's looking forward to Serenity? The Queen embarrasses herself publicly by posting a thank-you note to her fans on an ER forum by mistake?

lolz+++ would rofl again

In a rant in bad_rpers_suck about Depp's Willy Wonka, and how pairing Wonka with Veruca is not only disgusting but completely untrue to Wonka's character, merriman stated:

The only character I can consider pairing Depp!Wonka with would be Adrian Monk, and they would sit on opposite sides of a sterile room and glance at each other every so often, then one would cough and they'd both hurry out of the room through separate doors.

The character does not have sex. End of story.

After I got the last bits of soda out my nose, I quite concurred.
springtime the pony

(no subject)


The Bill and Ted story is just a Jesus analogy. They start out from humble beginnings, gain followers, are prosecuted for wanting people to be nice to each other and even die for a while.
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general (green spiral)

(no subject)

eggwards on same-sex marriage legislation in Canada:

...Alberta's Premier Ralph Klien has given in and stated that his province too, will comply with the new federal law. So much for Queen Elizabeth II swooping into save him by denying royal assent. You should never rely on someone with the title "queen" to help you on gay issues.
dw - i'm sorry my love

Oh Em Gee.

In a recent political satire by the ever-snarky maikoherajin, he decided that our government would probably do better at fighting terrorism if it had set kittens on fire.

In related news, Alberto Gonzales's controversial tactic of setting kittens on fire to prevent terrorist attacks has been extended by a house vote of 257-171. "Clearly, we believe the fact that I have been setting kittens on fire is a valuable tool in fighting terrorism, and the fact that there has not been another attack here is proof positive that it is working." When questioned by a reporter as to the suggestion that President Bush was using terrorist attacks to persuade the public to go along with his kitten immolation policies, Gonzales tapped his nose naughtily and winked, replying, "Sound like someone doesn't Support Our Kittens."
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