July 6th, 2005

Foamy - Pills
  • akamoe

(no subject)

And thus it was written in customers_suck....

cherish ... But I have decided that I am a victim of office burnout, plain and simple. EVERY job (but 1) has involved some degree of customer service, dressing for the job, having to restrict my hair choices, not being able to wear the nose piercing I'm getting re-done in 3 weeks, etc.

To which lots42 replied (and I agree) Every time you wear your nose peircing, God eats a middle manager.
Subway

On Craig's List

"I've never used Craig's List for anything. I think the only times I've been on it are when you link to it. I'm not really sure who this Craig is, or why he has a list, or if it's as important as Victoria and her secret that she's getting worse and worse about keeping."

-weaklingrecords in one of my locked posts, QWmyPWTFBBQ!
  • Current Mood
    bored bored
smb3

(no subject)

ATC: "OK, you're coming in too fast. I need you to lower the flaps in order to bleed off speed"
MEM: "Turn off the engine?"
ATC: "Do not turn off the engine. Your aircraft is carrying 283 passengers. You need to lower the flaps on the wings in order to reduce your ground speed so that you do not rash the plane."
MEM: "So I need to turn off the engine, right?"
ATC: "Please do NOT turn off the engine. 283 people will DIE if you turn off the engine. It is imperative that you *leave the engine running*"
MEM: OK, the engine is off. What do I do next?
ATC: *seppuku*


--citizenbleys, comparing tech support with landing a plane, here.
  • Current Music
    The "Forest of Illusion" tune from Super Mario World
me

(no subject)

In fanficrants, from sugartits about kissing scenes described as battles:

Screw Helm's Deep, Gandalf and Sauron should have just had a really aggressive kissing match and sorted things that way*

*Yes, I am aware that Sauron is a giant floating eyeball and has no tongue to speak of.


...it was the footnote that got me. XD

And in a comment by bpcslave:

Battle of Tongues Deep. Mmmmmmm...

And Sauron could always use the Mouth of Sauron, you know. Just imagine the gaping-mouthed goldfish snog he could inflict...


Whole entry here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/fanficrants/891059.html
  • Current Mood
    cheerful Hehehe.
IT BURNS!!!

Fanfic Rants, I hate...er, love thee...

This is what comes after silvormoon makes a short rant about morning sickness being the only way to know if a fanfic female character is pregnant...

silvormoon: Why is it that EVERY fanfic I read where a girl gets pregnant, she discovers the blessed event by way of morning sickness? It's always the same darned thing: "Oops! I'm throwing up! Better go to the doctor. Hey, doc, what do you mean, I'm going to have a baby?" There ARE other ways to find out, you know!

raptorscribe: *has been throwing up this morning*
...
I'M NOT INSINUATING ANYTHING. I'M A DUDE. I'M JUST FREAKED OUT BY THE COINCIDENCE!


silvormoon: *falls down laughing* MPREG! MPREG!

Sort, but amusing. XD
  • Current Music
    Nami Tamaki - Believe
crack my shit up!

Close your eyes and think of England

The delightful sauvagerie shares this about the announcement of the 2012 Olympics city:

(Scene: Singapore + worldwide live satellite linkups)

IOC President Guy: We have the honor to announce that the summer Olympics for 2012 are awarded to the city of...
Candidate city delegations: *hold breath & clasp hands like Miss America finalists*
TV audience: Come on, come on!
IOC President Guy: ...LONDON!
British delegation: *goes batshit crazy*
Trafalgar Square: *goes batshit crazy .001 second later*
France: *frustrated muttering, lighting of cigarettes*


There's more about how incredibly unsuitable Dallas is for the Olympics, but being batshit crazy Dallas, they went for it some time ago before it fizzled and evaporated like a Slurpee dropped on a Texas sidewalk in August.
  • Current Music
    cicadas. The Official Music of Texas Summer
Steeplechase

"Rant: In Which I Seriously Lose My Sh*t and Piss off a Lot of People in the Process"

Subtitle: Really. No doubt about it. Sh*t in the process of being lost as we speak.

Personally, I think the only people who would be offended by thefourthvine’s latest frothings are (1) people who can’t be bothered to spell and punctuate correctly and (2) people who don’t like fanfic and/or slash. And who cares what they think?

A few choice bits:
"Behold the comma...Isn't it cute? Doesn't it look like something you would like to take home and snuggle all night? Wouldn't you marry that comma if it was single? (It isn't; it and the period are in a long-term relationship. But it's an open one, so the comma is still available for a cheap one-night stand.)

Use both commas and apostrophes correctly or the bad scary punctuation demon will come for you. Would you wear a bra on your head and panties on your feet? Well, OK, I see your point there. Bad example. Because, really, who wouldn't?

Collapse )

The entire post is here.
Willy Wonka IS Ray Charles

A tale of gardening

gloomwerk recounts here about a crazy gardening adventure. The whole thing is worth a read, but here's a taste:

Of course brought a Mexican over to take on the odd job of denuding the backyard of all life. When she actually got the guy to look at it though he looked like death would claim him if he disturbed the peaceful yet savage tranquility that was the jungle out back. (akin to various unknown diseases being discovered whenever the rain forest is cut down)

So she tapped into another, more powerful resource.

Lesbians.
  • Current Music
    Daddy Cool - Placebo
mechasquirrel

Sith House Cleaning

Heh.. ripped from teague's LJ...

I go into Erni's bathroom, and pull back the curtain. I am hissed at by mildew that only could be duplicated by Jim Henson's Creature Factory. Suddenly my rage has a focus. I have witnessed Erni's mildew before. It's been discussed. Erni blithely claims to have no control over it. But today...it was going to die. I grabbed the bottle of high test mildew cleaner, and the scrubber. I told that mildew that it was going straight to Hell. I enjoyed it's dying screams. It occured to me that this must be a taste of how it feels to give into the Dark Side. It felt pretty damned good.

Fear leads to Anger (I'm afraid I can't pay my bills. And I'm really afraid to let this shower curtain touch my nekkid body.)

Anger leads to Hate (I hate that bank, and right now I really *really* hate mildew. Black...nasty...mildew)

Hate leads to Suffering (DIE MILDEW DIE! MUWAHAHAHAHA DIIIEEEE)

And of course...like most who tap into the Dark Side, I suffer. Thanks to the fumes of Scrubbing Bubbles, I may just be getting a throat infection. But ahh...the mildew is dead...


Edit:
There was a gem in her comments too:

tripartite I sense much fear in you. *laughs*
teague That was some nasty mildew! It tried to take my lunch money! (I think it might have actually been on Ernesto's lease..)
dark goat

our intrepid French heroine's adventures in health food

m's boss replaces taea_dol's stash of candy and bon bons with "healthy treats". nausea ensues:

periodically, i'll reach over to my right and try whatever she deemed "good for me". by this i mean i've tried Honeybear Organic Hemp & Flax bars ($2,95 and i didn't even get high!), Organic Fig Equibars (figs, caffeine, me, yeah.... y'all get the picture) and a various assortment of other "good for me things" with names as long as the alphabet. but this, today, takes the Health Food cake. [...]

today's pick was Greens+ express bar, ironically called "Blissful Berry". alright, i'm game to try something called Blissful Berry, after all, who doesn't want her mouth full of yummy bliss berries popping juicely along all the while ingurgitating Good For You food? i know i'm totally there.

except that when you open the package, a faint odor of dead rat emanates slowly from said bar.
and when you take a look at what you are going to put in your mouth, the consistency as well as the color of the bar is some sort of purple/green/puke/goo color....

this did not bode well.

since this Good For Me bar apparently cost $3,50 and that my boss actually paid for me, far be it from me to throw it out at the first two signs of warning. why do that when i can actually shove it in my mouth to prove to myself and the world exactly how adventurous i really am!

and so i did.

and OH.MY.GOD.

one bite. one bite is all it took for me to promptly feel like i'd just eaten a pile of molten dog poo mixed in with raw ostrich eggs and carrots.

the look on my face was apparently enough to make the person standing next to me ask me if i was "alright?".

as a matter of fact, no, i was not alright. i think i died a little at that moment.

[see the whole post in glorious technicolor]
  • Current Music
    chocolate croissant
Work

pretty sharp

From the journal of mareserinitatis, on outfitting her husband for a job interview:

Of course, for $130 worth of new clothes that I made him buy, he better look sharp. The only other dress clothes he had screamed "Fifties engineer in search of a pocket protector". This set screamed "I could be a banker and financing your ass". Hee, hee.

Jenny & Me
  • troo

Disclaimer

gyrbyl quoted a piece of legislation over at cf_hardcore, after which she added this disclaimer:

Note: I am not a lawyer, this is not intended as legal advice, this is not necessarily accurate or valid, I could easily have screwed it up somehow, I'm rather good at screwing things up, much better than I am at ice-skating, which is hard because the ground is not meant to be slippery, but ice is hard in general, I know because I fall on it a lot when I try to ice-skate, three to the third power is twenty-seven, pass the potatoes please. OK, the disclaimer looks long enough now.
the eye of god

(no subject)

From theslot, here:

"Jurist" comes in handy as a synonym for "judge," but keep in mind that many consider that a loose usage. The primary meaning is "legal expert or scholar." The distinction could become important if, say, a partisan hack with little knowledge of the law were up for a seat on the bench.
ornery hipster
  • bnh

(no subject)

From a flocked post on college mailing lists, gamesiplay has this to say:

I am all for free speech and all that junk, but only as long as it DOES NOT INFRINGE ON MY RIGHT TO READ GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT MATERIAL.

Too true. (:
Nethack

It's a madhouse!

Over on hated_character, rezo_eris, here, offered opinions on the opinions of a webmistress known as Lark. Comments kept leaping between statements and opinions of each of the characters on the list of opinions that were "commented" on, and the discussion turned to Kuja.

After a few words about Kuja, and my own post compairing him with Zhang He:

rezo_eris: Aint this wacky? We've been subject jumping from Kuja to Lark to Kefka to Kuja yet again! It's madness!

very_verydanger: We're all a little mad here. >D

Check the particular comment thread out here!
  • Current Mood
    impressed impressed
[Contemplation] Deep silent complete

"To be, or not to be? ...???"

It could be just me, but I found this amusing:

"When Shakespeare said "To be, or not to be? That is the question," he'd've saved a lot of time by replacing "that is the question" with another question mark. I mean come ON. Did anyone else catch that double contraction? Wow, I impress myself!"

-stweep (in his latest post)