June 24th, 2005

Going Mad


Okay...listen...anybody who's left...

I don't know what's done this. It may be some sort of airborn contagion or a sexually transmitted disease, in which case we're all completely boned. We can't be saved. We can only hope that someone out there realizes this and burns the whole place.

But there's a chance. There's a chance for some of us. No skin contact. If you have gloves, for God's sake, put them on now. Don't take any food or water offered you. Don't eat or drink anything that doesn't come from a sealed container.

If anyone tries to enter your home, even someone wearing the face of a friend, don't admit them!

If you have to...I know this is hard, but if they force their way in, the only response, for humanity's sake, is to shoot.

-- phosfate...and if this doesn't make sense, click here...

EDIT: Then later:

I must apologize for my paranoia and hostility of earlier this morning. I...things haven't been going well in my personal life lately, and I'm afraid that I found the sudden change threatening and just...lashed out. Also, I think someone may have hacked into my JF account, possibly my little sister.

(no subject)

potterwitch in a comment to my post about the power loss on the train lines in Switzerland, which meant that all the trains stopped running:

*blinks* No. That's not possible. Things don't just stop working in Switzerland. It's... unnatural. Especially not the trains. Is the cheese still okay? Are the mountains still upright?

I'm going to stock up on tinned foods and bottled water for the impending apocalypse.
me: backbone

(no subject)

From byakuganchick on customers_suck:

I work for a chain of bookstores that promise Millions of Books. They lie, but that's beside the point.

I had a woman come into today and swear that the last time she read Where the Red Fern Grows, the dogs didn't die.

Because the endings to books change all the time. Last time I read Lord of the Rings, Sauron got the Ring and Legolas ended up snogging some half vampire chick that fell into Middle Earth from California.
  • Current Music
    My Chemical Romance- Helena
  • teika

(no subject)

From jadian on drunk nights after exams:

Fast forward seven hours later to 3am, with Dan lecturing Bruce (unconcious) and me (sitting on Bruce's bed watching Southpark reruns) about what makes a really good martini. Dan had an amazing store of sweeping arm gestures and used a variety of props to indicate the martini glass, the gin, the olive, and the little sword that goes through the olive. One hopes he never loses his hearing and goes deaf; the deaf community wouldn't be able to handle the noise of those arm gestures. It's probably like yelling in sign language: YOU TAKE THE MARTINI AND SHAKE IT UP BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE OH FUCK I DROPPED THE GLASS.

The Shrew Observes.

nasty_shrew tells us about what she observes in the music shop she works us in the third person here.

"6. Cinnabon employees always wander over to the trance/house music shelf, browse titles, shake their heads forlornly and then walk back out the shop. Shrew suspects they are under a spell not dissimilar to the eerie trance employees in that fast food place Buffy worked at - with the 'special meat'. Shrew also considers the possibility that the Cinnabon employees are invading bored, aliens who are taking their commands from Moby's new CD release. Either way, Shrew is sorta chuffed they always turn up on her shift."
  • Current Music
    Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot

Bad mommy!

There's almost nothing quite as amusing as hearing your three-year-old's voice from the back seat, and realizing that she is singing along to the song "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani as you are playing the CD in the car...

....and then listening to the lyrics a bit closer and deciding that perhaps you should change the CD back to "VeggieTales Greatest Hits" before your precious, precocious daughter decides to sing the Gwen Stefani song in front of Grammy.....


Ganked from

  • Current Music
    The Wiggles

(no subject)

the_warwick is an extraordinarily sanguine chap.

Ooh magic smoke
Lightning hit the office. We all went deaf for a while and the network went bye bye. My boss' machine burst into flames as did the CEO's. We lost one UPS, a couple of switches, some PSUs in the servers and a couple of network cards in servers. The servers didn't fail over onto the non-fried network cards and needed a reboot, but under the circumstances I'll forgive them since they're running. The dead PCs can be attributed to the fact that they have TV cards and the aerial is on top of the building.

All in all not a bad result. I didn't even have to think about bringing a spare server online.

Current mood: relaxed

Locked entry, quoted with permission.

(no subject)

navkat, here:

Love; defined.

Love is when you prepare to eat a much-coveted box of fresh strawberries and realize that your toddler has not yet tasted a strawberry...Ever. So you carefully wash all the very best ones, taste a small sliver of each and then slice all the sweetest, juiciest ones onto his high-chair tray so that his first taste can be the absolute perfect essence of what a strawberry *really* should be *all* of the time.
  • Current Mood
    touched touched

Funny because it's true

Let's have another one from badparents, because I just discovered it after the last one...

mybabythomas has a serious question:
Any idea how you make babies wear sun hats? Does it involve using sellotape?

and in the comments, nasagrl replies:
I used to have the kind that had elastic around the chin.

HOWEVER, Duct Tape always worked the best.

Just the idea of babies going around with things duct-taped to their heads tickled me. :-)
[         ]  is a badass

Syonakeleste has seen Batman Begins...

... and has waxed hilarious. Here are some excerpts:

Random Mountain Denizen: Hi. I speak English.

Bruce: ::shrug:: Doesn't everyone?

Ducard: To become a Jedi, you must first dismiss your fears.

Bruce: To become a what?

Ducard: To become a ninja.

Bruce: Didn't you just say--

Ducard: Ninja. I said ninja.

Bruce (B): Don't worry, darling. A reckless car chase is just the thing to keep you from succumbing to the effects of those panic-inducing hallucinogens.

The Romantic Interest: ::froths at the mouth::

Bruce (B): And it's not inconsistent at all with my non-lethal attitude and respect for the existing bodies of law to drive over police cars with my tank.

TRI: ::overcome by this logic, froths at the mouth::

More may be found at her Batman Begins In Five Minutes entry. Very, very spoilery, and well worth a look.

My Vulcan mind meld is a bit rusty. I'm a horrible employee.

from bigredcheese:

customer: I'm looking for someone's cd, and I can't remember her name.
me: Okay.
customer: She's from Wisconsin. And she has a baby.
me: Sure.
customer: And she went to Canada that one time.
me: Er... anything else you can tell me about her?
customer: No. But you know who she is, right? She's the one from Wisconsin with the baby, you know.
  • Current Music
    Psychetropic - Hovering Venus