You know those small Pepsi cans? The hobbit ones that are half the size of regular Pepsi cans? I feel sorry for them. It's like, they're little kids, but they'll never grow up to be adult Pepsi cans because people will drink them, thus killing them before they reach their full potential. It almost makes me feel guilty for the one I'm about to drink.
amyrose: Maybe if we never had term limits FDR would still be Pres. Sure he's been dead a long time, but I'll take that over what we have now. :P
lavajin: Zombie President!!!!!
low_key: "...And in political news; FDR won his latest bid for reelection in a stunning landslide. This victory comes despite Republican efforts to paint him as a 'soulless brain-eating abomination to God.' Although briefly stunned by the accusations, the Democrats fired back with an ad campaign that showed he never ate the brain of anyone who 'didn't deserve it' and then countered with the highly successful, 'At least you don't have to sell your soul to be a Democrat.'"
I am NEVER going to have a baby. I'll just adopt a troubled teenager, at least I know what to do then: smack the shit out of him/her as soon as any angsty signs emerge and make sure he/she NEVER gets an LJ.
Today's other fun fact: If I get cornered in a dark alley in the next few days by a robber, all I'll need to do is flash my lower legs at the guy and blind the hell out of him. The phrase "blindingly pale" doesn't even begin to cover it. Somewhere out there in some mirror universe, there is a poor defenseless planet that loses a major light source when I put on pants.
My side, it hurts.
Edit: I swear, I should really wait until the end of my reading to quote all the funny.
What are we on ... like, the fifteenth metaquotes entry saying Michael Jackson got off because he's white?
He didn't get off because he's white. He got off because the prosecution had no case. You know, like an episode of Law and Order: SVU if Stabler and Benson showed up at the scene of a crime, interviewed the victims, got back in their car, and said, "Fuck it, let's go bowling."
(a bit of background for a change. my brother and i are looking into buying a house. last night i went to see him and he was watching The Incredibles)
Rob: how much do you think a place like that costs?
Ross: what, the island fortress?
Ross: i dunno. two, maybe three hundred thousand
Rob: it has a volcano
Ross: that's true, but it has a monorail system
Rob: does the monorail come with it?
Ross: yeah, but you have to provide your own henchmen
Rob: oh... well then i would say about 250
( Collapse )
I am certain that there will be some taste buds for which DCw/S will be the bee's knees. However, to mine, accustomed as they are to the battery-acid kick, it tastes like the bee's knees if the bee had kneeled in restaurant dumpster slime.
Pope John Paul II gets to heaven.
St. Peter says, "Frankly, you're lucky to be here."
Pope says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?"
St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests."
Pope says, "He's mad about THAT?"
St. Peter says, "She's furious."
Not guilty, all counts
You know why they let him off?
It's because he's white.
sorry - it made me snicker *grin*
I didn't notice until last night obviously, but appartently [name withheld] did, and asked the girl and she said she did not send that. At all. So yousendit gave her the wrong address? Or something? Of random gay porn magically to a bunch of slash fans? There is a Santa Claus man. There is.
EDIT: She f-locked it for the ID of her friend, but I do have permission.
fluffygremlin : I could have expanded on his squishiness, but that would be taking it a bit far, I'm afraid.
Context would be pointless given that there is none.
Speaking as a foreign national, in this post 911 world I find it hard enough to get into the US with a valid green card, and am always rather nervous about accidentally bringing fruit or suchlike contraband into the country. They don't like it if you bring fruit, and on several occasions at Minneapolis airport I've been taken aside and quizzed about whether I have any fruit on my person, or a cheese sandwich.
They seem to be loosening up on other things though:
Massachusetts lawmakers on Thursday called for a closer look at border security after customs officials allowed a man carrying a sword, a hatchet, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood to cross the U.S.-Canadian border. Two days after being allowed into the United States in late April, Gregory Despres, 22, was arrested in Massachusetts in connection with the beheading of his elderly neighbor and the stabbing death of his wife in the New Brunswick town of Minto.
(It seems that the US customs/immigration people are saying that because he was a naturalised American, they had to wave him through. I bet they could have stopped him if only he'd had an apple.)
Oooo warning labels!!! Can I get "Harmful if Swallowed?" :)
pushmearound imagines this conversation between Paris Hilton and her fiance, Paris Latsis:
"Hi I'm Paris"
"I'm Paris too! tee-hee"
"ooo yes baybe. Lets get together and have babies. We'll name them all Paris. Like George Foreman"
"Isn't that a grill?"
<lj-poll name='Ladies and gentlemen of the LJ, have you reached a verdict?' whovote='all' whoview='all'>
Rather than waste everyone's time with actual evidence, do you find the defendant
Guilty on all counts, fry his white ass
Guilty only of a lesser included, like "being damn scary"
Not guilty by reason of insanity
Not guilty by reason of celebrity
Not guilty because, hell, how do we know the laws on HIS planet don't prohibit this sort of thing?
Mom: *breathes* "I know we have one."
Mom: "I know I had it a while ago in my hand...
Dad: "Maybe in the attic."
Mom: "No, sure not."
Me: "I'll just look..."
The whole post is here.
As an atheist myself, I know this all too well. Except, you know, we don't actually own a bible. At all. XD
schatze: Doughnuts are what I consider a simple food, the ingredients of which can't be dissected for home assembly.
schatze: Kind of like God, as far as Thomas Aquinas was concerned.
schatze: Thesis: Doughnuts might be God.
schatze: Kind of flaky with gaping theoretical holes
"I can't even begin to comprehend what prompted my mother to say what she did. There was no children around us to set off her BABYEZZ-radar and we weren't actually talking about children or my child-free status. I don't know...maybe menopause fucks some women up or something, but I don't think I could've been more horrified if someone had walked into Taco Bell, chopped off my father's head with a samurai sword and then used the blood spurting out of his neck stump to draw stick figures in assorted lewd and lusty positions on my forehead."
Further on down:
"Her tubes are tied up tighter than a Dominatrix's bitch."
Edit: Whole thing here
stardance: That was funny, but it's also kind of lame that she asked to be meta-quoted.
palmer_kun: Anyone who asks to be meta'd shouldn't be.
active_apathy: I'm still not sure which is worse out of asking to be quoted, and the casual observers who merrily say 'That needs to be quoted!', not least because it forever kills the chances of whatever it was actually being meta'd.
Someone should remind people that it's honestly not hard to join. We're not a secret society, and the most complicated initiation rite there is at the moment is clicking a text link on the comm info page. The text link doesn't demand blood sacrifice, complicated chants, dancing in a circle or living alone in the woods for a month equipped with only a green pencil.
teh_kimeye (Indie) : Jesus, that guy is more slippy (slipperier?) than a jellied eel! Like, how the fuck did he get off?
I mean in court...not in his private life...eurgh.
pippins_penny: Oh, that was bad!! Shame on you!! HAHHA "get off"! HAHAHHA
I swear, this guy's life beats all for fascinating stories and hilarity. I'm so glad he has his own feed now.
"Nice to find out that Big Brother is just as horny as the rest of us, huh?"