Metaquotes

ladyjaida never ceases to amuse. In this post, I started to think that maybe she'd finally cracked:

Last night it was about one o'clock and I was doodling Obi-Wan blobheads and then I ran out of paper but here's something you may not know about me: When I run out of my paper, my immediate thought process following is "At least I haven't run out of thigh!"

As per usual, context is above, if you want it. The rest of the post is brilliant as well, by the way.

In response to icons posted here at hp_icons, ellipsisicons sums up the dialogue:


Harry: "You wear too much pink Hermione!"
Hermione: *ignores*
Harry: "...Well... go ahead and wear pink! But I don't have to like it..."
Hermione: *ignores*
Harry: "Admitting that you *have* a pink problem is the first step!"
Hermione: *sniffing the air* "Did you leave the iron on?"
Harry: "Hmm. Maybe... perhaps."
Hermione: "OMG YOU LEFT THE IRON ON."
Harry: ¬¬ "... I think you're right." *runz*

From sir_brettley: I like my flip phone because I can open it up and say "Kirk to Enterprise".

In response to my flocked entry on boys and their non-understanding-me-while-I'm-PMSing ways jenakle had a few little gems in her ( Collapse )

cut because it's long.

...and anyway, you'll like it. *G* Say hello to our new sistercomm metaicons...

PS: Wow. We're up above 5,000 members now (what are the biggest comms on LJ, anyway?), and we've cut down our clockwork-regular F_W appearances to, oh, about twice a week. Go you!

So I realize that I have no money, and waiting on a pay check. Suddenly the light bulb in my head goes on, "I can just use the money cheat code!"

So I go to hit Ctrl+Shift+C and realize that life doesn't have cheat codes.

copperwise puts forth more words to live by:

a hard life is not a blank check to be an ass

This might only be funny to total whackers. But in the_bravest (a community for firefighters, EMTs, etc) pete_diddy copy/pastes a story about an engine in New Jersey driving through a house.

In the comments:
zercool
Now that's an aggressive interior attack...

Here are the pictures from the post.



And in case you care, nobody in the engine, or the house was hurt. The engine was coming back from a service funeral for a former deputy chief and I think this quote from the article is even funnier:
"I heard a big bang, I didn't know what happened at first, then I saw the truck into the house," Andaloro said, adding the state has turned down requests for double yellow no-passing lines on Route 40 from Summer Avenue to Brewster Road. "I guess they think there are not enough accidents," she said.

kitlizzy on Flintstones vitamins, here:

Those things were the bane of my existence. 15 years later my mom is still finding them inside the piano when it gets tuned.

Long time lurker first time quoter!

From my friend icespark locked post, posted with permission


Quick pre-bed musings:

Point 1 - My new blue shirt has white stains on it.

Point 2 - Bill Clinton was in town doing a book signing today.

Point 3 - I spent three years as a federal government intern.

hmmm. This looks suspicious. :D

buggernaut says: K MOM THIS IS NOT OBVIOUSLY NOT HETERO ENCOURAGEMENT

"My mom found my girlpants, my eye make up, and that uncashed $15 check from Michael that says "thanks for the great sex" in the memo. It just goes to show that I can't be resentful when people ask me if I like penis because I totally bring it on myself. Not that there's anything wrong with liking penis. But after badgering me and trying to get me to come out of the (imaginary) closet all week, my mom bought me a set of discount bedsheets at TJ Maxx. She went with pink. Uh... you're not going to get grandkids this way."

From a friends-locked post of twinofhugin, quoted with permission:

I am a horrible person.

(09:25:03) Colin: char *temp = malloc(16);
(09:25:17) Andrew: I like big buffers
(09:25:21) Andrew: and I can not lie

binaryfinary, explaining why she's forgotten all the FTP commands she used to know:

it's the drawbridges, I swear don't live in a town with them, they make you dumb! they're all ______________ then it's all "oh fuck it's going up! ____/ \_____" and you can't go anywhere and traffic is backed up for 20 blocks while some dumb boat is going under all the bridges saying "dur de dur la la I'm fucking up traffic for hours pblheeeeebhal!!"

-reposted from a locked entry with permission

It happened here.

---

thephantomq: Oh, and that's frosting, by the way.

chainsaw_hime: Suuuure it is.

elettaria: I'd have taken it for toothpaste, myself.

tallest_spork: and by "tooth", you mean "man"

active_apathy: And if toothpaste is used for cleaning teeth, then...

laurenmitchell: Manpaste would have to come in different varieties though, since not all men want to be shiny and white.

active_apathy: Oh, of course - but if it comes in triple-stripe, then it's time to start backing away slowly. There could even be special ones, like a gentle one for sensitive guys or a special formulation for smokers that removes stains and helps get rid of the smell.

I don't think they like it much if you try to roll the tube up to get the last of it out.

active_apathy: ...and that pun was honestly an accident. *hides*

laurenmitchell: Oh, sure, sure.

active_apathy: It was! All I wanted to do was use some small amount of penetrating wit to write a comment that might help spray a few drinks at screens amidst ejaculations of laughter! Oh god, what's the world coming to when people can't read a perfectly innocent sentence without then fingering their keyboards to highlight some perceived double entendre that's aroused their suspicions.

Oh. Wait... Nevermind.

My friend, commanderd works at an IT support call center.
Here's an example of what she has to deal with:

Problem: User reports her MS Office assistant has gone missing. Please fix urgently as user reports it is stopping her work.
Solution: Show user where to access the MS office assistant settings. Also resist the urge to slap her silly as anyone who cannot do their job without that annoying little paperclip of satan-cock-sucking wankery needs serious beating.

Problem: Usr needs help
Yeah, so do I mate, frequently, usually after receiving a call logged by you shit-flinging crack-addicted monkeys in fact.

LOTS of other funny ones here.

In this meta here about life not having cheat codes, cmzero has this to say:
Forget cheat codes; I'll settle for a quicksave option.

"Jenny, would you like to go out and..." *quicksave* "...see Star Wars?"
"Not a chance, you geek."
*quickload* "...eat at Joe's Steak House?"
"I'm a vegitarian, you meat-eating murderer."
*quickload* "...enjoy some jacuzzi action at my apartm--"
*SLAP*
*quickload* "...walk along the beach and watch the sunset?"
"Sounds great!"
*quicksave!*

(Also: Susan's first meta!)

In this metaquote about fandom pairing names, eyesofavictim reflects:

"That's what always bothered me about the Gundam Wing fandom...those awful number things!
I'd read something like:
'WARNING! This fic contains 1+2, 4x5, 3+R-2/4^Z, and 2+12!'
And I'd be like 'HOLY CRAP, ALGEBRA!'

From dravenskrow in customers_suck

Tell me why this female customer came into my store today Pointed to this 5,000 BTU Air Conditioner and asked me...
"Excuse me. I have two questions. Does this AC come with a Power Adapter. And will it Fit IN THE WINDOW OF MY CAR?"

who puts a AC for a house in their car?

( Collapse )

ixchel55, here, in customers_suck:

*ring ring*

"Thank you for calling Bigass Video in Bumfuck. This is me, how may I help you?"

"I need to make an appointment for my cat."

Now, I will admit that at this point my brain took a short jaunt through the Dead Zone, but I snapped back with admirable alacrity and replied.

"Does your cat have a membership card or will it be renting under your account?"


Read the whole thing.

From a locked post by osiris_06, with permission:

Will someone please explain to me why my computer won't let me delete my physics folder from "my documents"? I've deleted everything in the folder; the folder is empty. It just won't let me delete it.

I'm telling you, it's all a conspiracy. Someone, somewhere, is doing this on purpose then sitting there laughing at poor me as I try to make sense of the illogical and arbitrary nature of life.

I swear to you, this person's name is Bill Gates.

...


He's watching you.

From this post in savagelove, discussing a website where you can tell former sex partners of STIs they've been exposed to:

You go to the website, select an e-card, click on an STD, and write a few lines of text. Then you enter the e-mail addresses of the sex partners you would like to notify. Cards can be sent anonymously or you can include a return e-mail address. I sent anonymous notices to all of my coworkers, letting them know that they had been exposed to shigella, molluscum, and nongonococchal urethritis. Based on the gasps and shrieks I heard coming from other cubicles all afternoon, BTDT, I'd say the service works.

In mypost earlier kelliemonster got confused...

Can I just say I had to read all of the comments on this post and wait a few minutes before I realized the metaquote talked about Hufflepuff sex, and NOT Heffalump sex.

From powerof3's post here, on Star Wars and Chocolate:

I had a bag of the Darth Mix last night. I bought regular today at work. I was very disappointed when my tastebuds weren't assaulted by the Empire. ;)

The ever-brilliant irradiatedsoup in this post:


And when you're done there come over and play at my house. I promise I won't-- try to stuff you with cotton wool and grab hold of your jeans and when you've pulled me halfway down the street your jeans rip and then I have this little square of jeans that I worship and make a happy hermit life with --like last time.


It makes more sense in context (as per usual, see above) and the rest of the post is funny too.