Metaquotes

(Meta-meta!)

Regarding those who insist on OH NOES TEH BUTTS3XX0RZ warnings on slashfic:

daromaius:

In the defense of OMGWARNINGS peoples, I still maintain that fanfic is what made me gay.

crazypalefreak:

Well then, surely it is in the interest of Teh Gay Agenda to not warn people.

daromaius:

*stutters*

*searches for comeback*

Do not attack me with your pointy logic weapons!

silent_r_infork, on the many inconveniences of modern medicine:

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ironychan muses on the motivation for fan fiction. (From here, flocked, QWP)

That's all fanfic is: first grade playtime.

Only with more gay sex.

pandemoniachick rants about dumb little blonde highschoolers who probably aren't smart enough to hold jobs.

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atomicbombshell offers up a word of thanks:

I picked up the new issue of People today, and was so very glad I did. I had no idea that Brittney Spears was the only woman to ever be pregnant in the history of creation. And I will sleep much more soundly tonight knowing that her sex life is that much better because of it. Thank you, American Media. Thank you.

in the comments to this entry:

ironychan: I vaguely wonder if Paris Hilton and Paris Latsis are going to name all of their children Paris. Because that would totally be the saddest and funniest thing ever.

joliefoliepolie: I was personally hoping for other famous French cities. You know: Lyon, Marseilles, Bordeaux, and maybe some other famous places like Budapest and Prague.

I mean hell, if you are going to sleep with someone from seemingly every part of the world, it seems fitting to name your children as such. A reminder of your conquests, if you will.

from fangirluprising, an offshoot of sages_of_chaos, when astrayblue2nd tries to fix the damage done to the Death Star (LOOOOONG STORY):

astrayblue2nd: Very well. *grabs huge piles of synthetic -or something super strong- rope, and flys towards the wreckage. Circles around it and ties it hard. Activated Mr.T mode and swings the whole thing all over, and lets it go. as soon as it reaches Orbit, the Blue Frame grabs the rope before it flys away, and the Death Star stops dead above orbit.*

I threw THAT THING HELLUVA FAR!!! And stopped that sucka right above orbit! I pity da...

*shuts down Mr.T mode*

... Ok, that was a long time coming.

teen_hal: I'm pretty sure the physics of that was utterly impossible.

*Claps*

astrayblue2nd: Actually, it is. But this is the Nexus, and I'm suppose to be a manned vehicle that is NOT suppose to be sentient. So if I was in my universe, I'll lose both arms trying to lift that thing within a planet.

It might be a justified rant, it might be just "I'm fed up with this," but whatever brings it on, good ranting is an art. And leighdb is a mistress of said art. Here are two excerpts from a most beautiful example of rant-art:

...Food? Food costs money! Good food costs more money! The cheaper it is, the more likely it is to instantly give you cancer of the left nostril or magically Goodyear-Blimp you! And we can't have that! So pay up! You are Whole Foods' bitch - get used to it!
...
Medical? GIVE US YOUR MONEY!!! SLuurrppp numnumnum gnash gimme yum chomp chomp gnaw gnaw gnaw! Oh, yeah, and the smog? It killed you. Sorry about that. But, at least you never missed a premium payment!

Preach it, sister.

In a discussion of euros and Americans spending them, digital_monk gives a little insight on the American Irish heritage...

Americans buy gaudy green shamrocky things because we're really fucking stupid. Plus, the only bit of Irish history that's common knowledge in the States is that somehow St. Patrick got all the snakes out of Ireland with a 4 leaf clover. We're not sure how, but we're pretty sure magick was involved.

[Subject] She's clearly a Catholic inner organ.

It has come to my attention that a woman's "biological clock" is not so much an innocuous ticking gently reminding us of how many years we have left to bear a child, but rather a bitter, vindictive, wrist-slashing uterus deprived of her sole purpose in life every twenty-eight days.

Link here.

mesangecoeur comments on the perils of working in a grocery store in Florida...

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In this post, drabheathen pulls a MacGyver and fixes her glasses with string.

drabheathen: Ha, attractiveness. I SPIT ON YOU. Just SPIT.
umbrarumcantus: so you spit on yourself, then? settle for a spitting on a limb, or tilt your head back, use enough force to get some lift and let gravity do its thing?
drabheathen: No, not on me, I spit on... oh. Took me a minute. ;D I'd like to try spitting into the air and getting out of the way. It seems like a Calvin thing to do.
umbrarumcantus: i'm guessing you meant the Calvin of Bill Watterson, but i'm amused by trying to imagine an enlightenment philosopher Reformationist religious leader doing that. "Whether mine own spit shall land upon mine face has been known by God since He created time, yet spit I shall anyway. For it is not my success or failure in dodging, such a mortal and transitory act, that shall determine my eventual place in heaven or hell. Hmm. Perhaps the ability to dodge one's own spittle is the true mark of the saved on Earth. I shall have to consider this further."

LJ feeds count as metaquotes, one hopes. This is from defamer_atom:

We've all seen at least dozen instances of their utterly unconvincing tonsil-hockey, and our involuntary reverse-peristaltic reactions have long given way to reflexive yawns. It's time, finally, for this crazy-in-junket-love pair to escalate the charade to PR Defcon 4 and call a worldwide press conference, wherein the couple performs with heterosexual vigor every position in the Kama Sutra beneath 50 foot monitors showing a continuous loop of both the War of the Worlds and Batman Begins trailers. After the completion of the final position (the "Crippled Butterfly Wheelbarrow," if memory serves), Scientology officials will take the couple's e-meter readings and publicly certify that both parties fully enjoyed the proceeding acts of congress. Anything short of this coup de grace is going to look like amateur hour.

The full post is here. Defamer should be on your feed list if it isn't already.

yahtzee63 on where the various stories she's writing stand at the moment:

Irina: "I'd like to have sex with you."
Jack: "Agreed."
Irina: "So why are we still sitting around talking?"
Jack: "The French restaurant appears to have trapped us both until the end of time."
Sloane: "You know, I'm still here. Same table. Hello?"

More here.

From a locked post, quoted with permission:

After the internet uproar on how horrible "loonitics" looked, the WB redesigned the characters. While I'm still not going to watch it, I noticed something in the design... look at the female bunny's costume:
http://img297.echo.cx/img297/3541/loonaticsunleashed6dw.jpg

She has the pink triangle pointing down. Universal signage for Lesbian. And the tazmanian devil look-alike has a purple one. I can already tell this show will be popular with the baptists.

Once again I exploit marlowe1, with his post on the project for...

"...preservation or restoration of the Iraqi wetlands.

The irony is that this project was unintentionally started by the Bush administration invading Iraq.

Now if only someone would invade Alaska. And Florida."

From leopard_print (originally here):

I'm stoned at 12:30 AM and trying to think of a way to frame Paris Hilton as a role model.

This is my personal hell.

***
Yeah, it's a little old.
Got permission to metaquote, then didn't get around to it -- maybe I'm stoned, too.
=)

By the way, the end result of her efforts is here.

kali_sama rants about shipping names like "Spuffy", "Aurikku", etc..

And here you have this for the X-men fans!

fuzzybluelogic: YES!
Jott, Kurtty, Kietro, and the worst one of all...
LOGURT
I mean, Logurt? LOGURT???

ardath_rekha: Blue yogurt with adamantine at the bottom. Stir it up for a tasty treat.

onlyonechoice: Gives "fruit on the bottom" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
*snickers*

wunkpower: Logurt: the only p0rn you can pump out of a ice-cream maker.


*spoooooorrrrrfle*

My favorite recovering Catholic reneed realizes she didn't get along with her religion from an early age.

I just watched the tape of my first communion and during the ceremony I counted the ceiling tiles, picked my nose, and went to sleep.

I am the best Catholic ever and have been since I flashed everyone at my sister's baptism.

I win. If anyone wants proof, it's all on tape and there are pictures.

Steps to a good time:

1) Install voice control software to experiment with.
2) Open up pine (my email program) in a terminal window.
3) Talk to the baby, e.g. "Daddy digs you, ivy!"
4) Voice control software hears me and uncritically echos to the window with focus.
5) Pine interprets each letter as a command. Of particulate note, "d" is "delete".
6) Notice I've deleted some incoming mail I haven't yet read.

Now that's computing.

- extempore

In this entry, I was bewailing Sharpe's inability to keep his knob in his knickers for more than five minutes at a time. the_hatstand responded:

Who just can't control his dick when faced with all them sexy chicks?
(Sharpe!).
You're damn right.
Who's the sexy captain who was on the field at Waterloo?
(Sharpe!)
Can ya dig it?
And no one understands him better than his man-ly irish sergeant
(Dick Sharpe!)

Over at fanficrants, 10littlebullets is having a problem with Star Wars AUs, particularly ones that prevent Anakin from becoming Darth Vader. At one point the comments deviate towards what would constitute a good Star Wars AU. brightcupenny had a few ideas, including one where both the Emperor and Anakin lost at the end of RoTS, but the Jedi Order was still almost completely wiped out.

fadingembers responds with:

If Palp was BADLY beaten, could we call his remains a "Palp smear"?

*badum ching*

I also reccommend the comment thread on spoilers vs. common movie knowledge for an amusing read.

_airspace laments the misuse of her art skills.

I tried drawing a papaya on Saturday night but it just ended up looking like a vagina.