Metaquotes

While we were being all literary a few posts down, the following conversation occurred:

elettaria: I'm still more likely to end up doing early modern, all that gory tragedy which Stoppard nicely described as, "Murder, seduction and incest - what do you want, jokes?"

active_apathy: You're more of the Blood, Love and Rhetoric school, then.

takhys: Read that as "You're more of the Blood, Love and Rhetoric stool, then." and I was going to suggest a) that might be TMI and b) you should see a doctor.

...then I re-read and realized that I should go see an optometrist.

P.S. I have pie. You no longer matter.

-- doqz

Heard on sages_of_chaos

mari_grayson
Are you a good kisser?

riverinspace
*frowns*

I can kill you with my brain.

I cracked up on impact, and wanted to share.

drakkenmaw, on her personal treatment for a depressed friendslist:

KittenBreak™ - Like a bowl of ice cream, with legs and a tail. Cures what ails ya.

Taken from this post by kokopellinelli on a dream of hers about making Marijuana chili.

The my mom came in. "Hello, honey. Oh, you're making chili, how wonderful! It smells great! May I join you?"

Me: Dilemma. If mom eats the stuff, she'll get high. If I stop her from eating it, I have to explain why, and I will get disappointed looks.

My elbow: *hits the pot, knocks it off the stove, and spills the stuff all over the floor*

Me: Ooops. Sorry. Looks like I'm all out.

In my home parish graveyard, the gravestone inscriptions have fairly narrow restrictions. No abbreviations ('Daddy'), quotes only from biblical sources, and so forth. You're allowed the deceased's full name, of course, so I may change my name on my deathbed to Edward BISEXUAL FEMINIST Malcontent.

Read the whole post by slightlyfoxed. It's worth it.

estllechauvelin sums up what so many of us were thinking:

Dear Hugh Jackman and Aretha Franklin:

No, there is not a time or place for you. Never, nowhere, no how.

The post may be found in its entirety here.

A post in wtf_inc about ear fetishism prompts the discussion of other fetishes.

shagrath_is_god declares:

I want my next girlfriend to have a "Gets James a soda" fetish.

blythely knows what she wants:

There should be an LJ setting to Disable All Comments Unless Porn Or Similar.

I don't think it would matter if Mariah Carey was born in Tahiti to a Chinese circus midget and an American Indian ... she would still sing like a cat giving birth to a bottle of coke.
pavlovian, here.

insidian takes a risk, and it just doesn't work out.

This free "citrus beverage" I got from the breakroom is odd.

It's like there's a party in my mouth, everyone was invited, but only this one skeezy guy showed up with a six-pack of cheap beer.

It made me giggle.

hawkelf and agentmaly discuss how Kansas really is in a locked post:

hawkelf: Think of a deserted land... at least an hour or so from the nearest McDonalds... filled with fields and cows. Lots of fields and cows. That is western Kansas. Gotta love it. They're more hicks than we south centrals are. And we can be pretty dang bad.

agentmaly: *shakes head* Your beginning took me right back to Boromir's movie speech about Mordor.

'It is a barren land, riddled with cows, and fields, and hicks. The very air you breathe smells of manure.'

QWP.
For the record, hawkelf is from Kansas, and meant no offense to anyone living there. =)

"Now think about this a minute. This band's first hit was a love song to a prostitute. Over the years, their catalog included such names as "Deathwish," "Voices Inside My Head," "Murder by Numbers" and "Bombs Away." Their two biggest hits celebrated a stalker and a pedophile. And you wonder why the Police were involved?" - captainsblog as quoted on the ljdq

From mackenzieeeee's LJ :

my brother Ian cries 'Look, a Chocolate Truck!!' when he sees a UPS truck

From a picture she shows with it, I think he's 3 years old. Just thought it was cute ^_^

Because sashwizzled amused me so...

Hello, disturbing images. What's that? You want to destroy my brain cells? Oh, go on, then. It's not like I'm using them.

kambrieloktober, here.

Dr. Phil proclaimed that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to find all the things I started and hadn't finished. Before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Absolut, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Dianne T. DeSha had this to say when a couple played the Police hit "Every Breath You Take" as their song because it was "so romantic":

"That's not Love . . . that's Time For A Restraining Order!"


--Kris

notmonkey on fanficrants has this to say on the subject of pairing warnings. The highlight, I believe, is this:

[W]hat I want to know is what harm are you actually going to come to if you accidentally read a fic which does not contain your pairing of choice?

[...]

Will it cause you to go into some kind of self-questioning state in which the warnings that have held your life so safely in place thus far no longer apply so that you throw the radio into the bath, tip your freshly boiled electric kettle over your head and ignore the 'Do Not Drink' sign on the bleach bottle and toast your own new state of enlightenment with a Domestos Martini clutched in your shaking, scalded hand?

badnewshugh introduces a long post on Yoga with the following:

I reckon any discussion of shame here is going to ring pretty false, what with me occasionally exposing my pee-hole to the world and such.

The syndication feed truncates all but the very beginning of his entries so we tend to lose out on gems like: ( Collapse )

Apropos of the results of last night's Tony awards, this discussion between the beautifully brilliant thunderemerald and the handsomely hatted gruyere:

thunderemerald: and hey, Cherry Jones is gay? Didn't know that.

gruyere: Have you been living in a cave?

thunderemerald: No. Just New Jersey. Sort of the same thing.

I dreamed that aliens were taking over the world, and the only way to stop them was breakdancing.

lilitou: Hee! My uncle used to put marijuana in everything. Brownies, chili, sauces, salads, nachos, anything he would be ingesting. My mother frowns on such activities. She had to stop eating meals with my uncle for a while. ;)

apollotiger: Sounds like the Spice from Dune. ;)

jaie: Less like cinnamon less enlightening and far fewer godlike properties.

In the comments.

princesskraehe made me laugh on selfquotes:

I lock all my posts, but I give myself permission.

A virgin of the metaquotes temple, bringing forth the funny. Quoted with permission, from ellielabelle

On The Gay in Doctor Who, ellielabelle comes up with:

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trism has some words of wisdom for (male) gamers who casually throw around words like "violated" and "rape" when they don't like something the GM, or another player, has done.

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Read the entire post here.

scott_lynch again. Over here. Need I say more?
-----------

Tonight I was fitted for my actual NRFD [New Richmond Fire Department] turnout gear. My request for a helmet plaque that read 'BAD MOTHERFUCKER' was summarily denied; my counter-offer for one that said 'NRFD LIEUTENANT' was also not entertained by the board at this time. I shall have to use less subtle means of rapid self-promotion, such as my orbital laser Kill-O-Sat. Only twenty-six laser vaporizations until I achieve a higher rank via the two sweetest words in the English language-- DE! FAULT!

*****

Now... back to writing. I deny your reality and substitute my own. It's got giant spiders.

Now, I'll grant you, the original metaquote was funny enough, but what's been even funnier is following along in the comments...

emynii said "that's why I've fondly named my computer "Goddamnit!" so it knows I'm talking to it when I get angry."

bubosquared continued the computer debate: "I called mine Legolas. As you can imagine, many a rant about pointy-eared elves and how all they do is look pretty and don't work can be heard in my flat, especially late at night."

outofbeta commented (on the character of Aziraphale): "Well, he is gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Or, y'know, would be."

The whole thing is priceless. :)

ashoka's brother's girlfriend has stuck it to The Man (from a locked entry, reposted with permission):

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My friend lamenting at the fact his flate mate's new lady friend is walking around in a towel

Mate 1:OH MY GOD SHES WALKING AROUND IN A TOWEL. That big sword of mine on the wall's looking awfull pretty right now...
Mate 2: Don't worry Karma's on it's way and she's a bitch.
Mate 1: she'll need alot of napalm...
Mate 2: She don't need Napalm. She has syphillis....AND gonorreah AND chlamidia AND herpes AND genital warts

They both have ljs but names have not been used. You never know who's floating about. It cracked me up none the less.

Tom Smith starts off the festivities here with his nominees, including:

"I'm wearing the Speedo."
"Who did these taxes?"
"Where's the nuclear material?"
Joel Schumacher's Star Wars
Rob Liefeld drawing Constantine
Licorice-habanero Life Savers
Walt Disney's Sin City

The fun continues in the comments. My favorite?
"Hey, y'all! Watch this!"
(Because I have a roommate who says that ALL THE FRACKING TIME!)

veggiebelle just announced she'll be on a panel at ComiCon this year, and warned us she'd be pimping this fact all month.

Her first response, from kenobi:

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