Metaquotes

hjtrek completely changed the tone of her dining experience at McDonald's with the subject line she chose.

"customers_suck Dirty Old Man"

Recap: Cat vomited on fitness magazines.

active_apathy: ...and now I have a mental image of the unsuspecting cat wandering along, seeing images portraying unrealistic standards of kittyfitness, and shoving her fuzzy little paw down her throat.

pulsar4529 on underage kids trying to buy beer.

Also, if you are going get mad about why we won't sell you beer (wearing a T-shirt that says *blank* HS: Class of 2007 doesn't help), there's a really good time not to do this. One of those times would be when the station is full with four cops, three fireman, one Air Force Captain, an Army soldier, and your parents. It was as amusing to watch as it sounds.

And it gets better in the comments, when she adds:

all his Dad could say was, "This only confirmed it....you're a dumbass."

"Sleep is like sex...
Only without all the work...
And the cleanup...
And the risk or pregnancy or disease...
And the broken condoms...wow those suck...
And...well, okay sleep isn't like sex.

Happy? You fucked up my analogy.

Ass."

heh..that sausageofpower...

No context needed, I present the entire post, unedited.

Remember kiddos, trying to speaking like Yoda doesn't actually make you wise. It makes you a tard who mimics a muppet.
--dlill

accio_draco has an unwelcome visitor.

It was by far the LARGEST SPIDER I've EVER seen. See that round thing? That's just a little smaller than a CD.

I usually have this catch and release policy with spiders, but, yanno, he COULD HAVE TAKEN OFF MY ARM. So I got my can o' toxic chemicals. When I sprayed him, he didn't run like normal spiders do. Oh, hell no. He JUMPED AT ME. Like TWO FEET off the wall directly at me.

But I was quicker and he ended up falling between the jukebox and the sofa, where he is probably making elaborate plans for revenge AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

From the comments: accio_draco: Ahahaha! If you listen quietly, you can hear it chuckling mirthfully.

Heh. Heh. Heh. * <-- spider

Check out the entry for pictures.

The ever-lovable and ever-quotable officialgaiman on the subject of humanity:

I think one of the key things to remember about human beings is their optimism and their faith. For example, in America, you have a country filled from sea to shining sea with people in the food service industries all of them convinced that a person can somehow make a drinkable cup of tea using only a) a teabag and b) a cup and c) a container holding water that was once reasonably hot. They bring me these three ingredients proudly, convinced that somehow I'll be able to combine them in a way that will produce a drinkable cup of tea.

And in a credit to my own optimism and faith, I keep trying. Haven't succeeded yet, of course. But still. It makes you proud to be human.

commanderd exhibits her proficiency in profanity:

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The kitten, which my brother wants to name Pushkin (a big name for a small cat) is a welcome distraction, so long as he is not trying to get on the table. He will learn or he will be very wet. Right now, he is wet.

-- kitarra here (she posts gooood food pics, incidentally)

Sometimes, crappy things can be just BAD. So bad that ...


"Truly, if crap can be used as a weapon, those banners are WMDs." -- ladybirdsleeps


See the crazy over at fandom_wank.

I threw out a query on my LJ: have a lovely straw hat that got caught in the rain. It is no longer stiff, but comically droopy. How do I restiffen and block it? Do I use liquid starch, or . . . ? Ideas?

scott_lynch answered here:

Set it down on a table beside a firm, dry straw hat. Sit down opposite from the soggy hat, turn a chair backwards, and sit in it with your arms crossed, leaning forward.

"Look, you've been a good hat, and it's not quite fair to call you a disappointment. But as you can see, I've got at least one other hat that isn't imitating cooked spaghetti. Now, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but perhaps you might consider shaping up."

Then pull out a handful of loose crushed straw from behind your back and place it nonchalantly on the table.

"All of our actions have consequences, dear. I'll let you decide where we go from here."

Leave the hat alone for the night.

It'll be bone-dry by morning, guaranteed.