Metaquotes

ariskari is goping to hell, as she states here.

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One morning I was driving and I saw a car up ahead where someone had made a home-made patriotic rear-window design of big letters spelling out "USA" in what appeared to be masking tape.

For a minute I seriously thought it said "USB", and I thought, "Oh yeah. USB ports are awesome."

I came home from college and found a spider living in my keyboard. This is what chibirya said:

"Just because it's small, dark, and creepy doesn't mean we should kill it. You should know better. :p
We should kill it because it worships the wrong God."

in here.

From a friendslocked post by linzeestyle. Edited a bit.

Jack White marries model girlfriend Someone Or Other.

I...just...I....:brain breaks: That man is scary. He isn't just "unattractive" or even "unconventional." He looks like the undead. I have this fear he is going to EAT MY BRAINS. He's like...you know what he's like? He's like Johnny Depp *should* look at his age, if he didn't have a painting somewhere in his house that was aging instead.

cazmanian_minx in customers_suck in this note to a teenage boy.

If you wanted to come out to your parents, borrowing your Dad's credit card, setting up an account in his name and ordering a load of gay porn perhaps wasn't the best way to do it...

A few words of advice from the self-appointed Minister of Slash, tigertrapped.

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The funny thing is I am not that sleepy. A little twitchy and the lamp (not lap, so just fuck off and die alone in the dark, all of you who know whom you are) keeps telling me to run down the street with ladies' underpants on my head.

But I did that yesterday, and originality is all I have left at this point so that's a non-starter.

Drugs. Drugs are the solution to this problem, but I have non except asprin produced in Czechoslovakia in 1968 and I have firm rule about self-medicting with pills that outlived their country of origin.

--doqz is a grad student, can't you tell?

phantasmamorgan, musing on the people in this world...

"When I hear someone say that someone else is "awful" I wonder if they mean "awful" or "offal" because "offal" would sometimes be much more appropriate for some people."

a_nonnie_moss said in a locked post, quoted with permission:

wal-mart is so much fun. went there today to get some junk and to people watch. oh, and i always feel cleaner and skinnier when i go there. ( Collapse )

After linking to a site about bats the other day (I'd seen one on the side of the road and wanted a picture), the following conversation ensued:

sasuran
I had to laugh at this though:

"Bats do not get tangled in people's hair.
Canadian bats do not drink blood."

... because apparently American bats do?

nijikongirl
everything in America sucks blood.

dwg posted this to her own journal. It is copied here, and elsewhere, by her permission. She works for the Department of Families and Communities, in Australia, and so apparently, encounters things such as this on paperwork with reasonable frequency.

Dear parents,

Get off the crack, or whatever it is you're on when you think that these would be precious names for your precious little darlings:

Nicchia
Aleasha
Ysabella
Delwyn
Nathanyal
Cheneya

If I ever have to address someone whose name is spelt that way, I'm going to have to fight the urge to start chanting, "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu, f'tagn!" at them. Honestly.

Yog Shothoth,
Me.

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dreamburnt, in a drunken state, makes a grievous error:

Me: That's Optimus Prime, right?
Ian: That's Voltron.
Me:
Me:
Me: Oh, shit. I just committed heresy, didn't I?
Ian: *nods*

From dmusicat's Granddad, which she posted in an unlocked post:

"If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.

The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington, D.C."

In a friends-locked post, geekette8 asks how one finds out the calorific value of a product that does not have nutrition information on its label, and the following occurs:

aldabra: Phone them up and say "if you do not tell me the calorific value I shall shop you to Trading Standards."

keirf: "But madam, it's an MP3 player..."

mst3kgirl: ..."That's not the point."

The guests are a lot less trashy than the other parties we've been to, but they are still trashy.

said intimekarasu in a locked post, quoted with permission.

emmyaward says:

Argh. I hate hanging stuff up. That requires finding hangers and stuff. And sadly there are none in my cupboard. Mum has this thing where she comes into my room and steals all the empty hangers, which would be fine if the clothes that had come off them were in the wash, except usually the smart money is on the clothes being on the floor somewhere, waiting to be hung up.

So what I'm really saying here is that I wish I had a wardrobe of hangers. Then I would clean my room.

Well, I thought it was funny...

Context here...but who needs context?

minaarchangel at fanficrants:

Riddick is not, I repeat, is NOT a 19 year old girl that fights evil with a ghost wolf.

Quoted from SusanDeer's LJ...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/susandeer/89846.html

"How much is oozing back there?"

cforrester is warning booksellers about the newest Oprah Book Club deal:

Oprah's Book Club made a deal with a publisher to put out a box set of three William Faulkner books, plus a reading guide and bookmark. It will contain the following books:

"As I Lay Dying"
"The Sound And The Fury"
"Light In August"

...

I felt that bookstore workers would appreciate the warning before people run in screaming about "Light And Sound Of The Fury As I Lay Dying In August by Oprah Winfrey OMGYOUDON'TWATCHOPRAHWHATKINDOFBOOKSTOREISTHIS!?".

In grammarpolice, iampunha posts a rant about cut-tags. The whole thing is good, but his final musical admonition (a version of the Can-Can) made me crack up.

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skibinskaya is fantastic. Really. As he relays this moment of deep contemplation turned heartbreaking tragedy, I had to laugh. Because I'm a terrible person.

In the early hours this morning, drinking my java and smoking a cigarette and watching the light change from pre-dawn to day, I sat and thought, as usual, about life, the past, and my options for weekend entertainment. And I contemplated writing about my ruminations in a rather bucolic piece, full of imagery, allegory, and flowery verbiage.

And then a bird took a shit on my black Armani sweater. So now I'm going to just bitch.

Some things, money can't buy. For everything else, there's skibinskaya.

Saw this on knitting just now, posted by thegoddesschaos:

i got my swift today and hubby says,
"i'm okay with you getting that, but if you start raising sheep in the backyard, i'm outta here."

silly boy. little does he know what i've got planned...

I saw Christian's [Bale] face on little-boy underpants at Wal-Mart yesterday. After the initial trauma, I've decided at least it suggests the underwear guys have faith in the film, so I will too. Because I trust underwear guys.

-- dragonkal in a comment to a post I made about worrying that Batman Begins might not live up to my expectations.

bloodybrilliant rants about the non-availability of straight-legged jeans.

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serabut, talking about Ewan McGregor (and clone!fics):

To wit, he is the Fanservice King. The sole gaijin representation in the crackpeddling ways of the anime/manga industry.