May 18th, 2005

everyone needs a pair of 3d glasses

...and my bra is still missing.

From an out-of-control (friends-locked) post on my personal LJ:


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christyedna:
Would you be afraid of your boobs if they talked like someone who wasn't Gollum? There are endless possibilities, including but not limited to:

Elmo
Gilbert Gottfried
Barry Melrose (I know I would run away screaming!)
Gumby
The voiceover people from Iron Chef
Isaac Hayes

Take your time and get back to me on it. :)
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Bobo

that's what I thought of Hamlet, too...

In a thread discussing different opinions on JKR's clues about HP info not in the current canon, mad_maudlin writes:

I think JKR's website is interesting... because it brings up the issue of authorial intent in a different light. How I interpret a text may not be same as how the author intended the text to be interpreted; however, JKR through her website has a chance to tell us how she meant us to interpret certain things, essentially providing a window on her creative process and potentially informing our views of canon. It'd be like if Shakespeare had a blog. "Hamlet? Thou wouldst not believe how passing sozzled I was..."
Aretha Marvin Snape

(no subject)

A comment by win_a_goldfish in neopianrants regarding people who make up chat boards about boobs on Neopets...

wow, i could care less if people were doing this stuff on the streets but its flipping retarded to do that online. OH YEAH I'M GONNA TOUCH YOUR BOOBS THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN. seriously. either they're too stupid to realize no one can touch you through your computer screen, in which case they'll be in for a big surprise, or they're still stupid and get off to posting idiotic things like that.

the end.
Fabricati Diem

I hope he doesn't mind me quoting him, but he's hilarious :)


This is why we need the Science Nazi. In a situation like this, he would walk up to the Kansas Board of Education and announce:

NO SCIENCE FOR YOU!

What's that, Mr. Board Member? You want to use your cell phone? Sorry, that was only possible with the scientific discovery of radio waves.

NO SCIENCE FOR YOU!

What's that, Mr. Intelligent Design/Creationist? You want to drive your giant SUV? Sorry, gasoline is a fossil fuel from the days of the dinosaurs, which don't exist in your Bible. Not to mention the refining process, and the workings of the internal combustion engine.

NO SCIENCE FOR YOU!

What's that, Mr. Concerned Parent? You don't support gay marriage cause it's "unnatural" since gays can't breed, even though your own quadruplets couldn't have been born without fertility drugs?

NO SCIENCE FOR YOU!

What's that, President Bush? You don't support stem cell research and denounce global warming, yet you want to bomb places and send spaceships to Mars? Bombs and rocket fuel don't just magically appear like the voices in your head that told you to be president.

NO SCIENCE FOR YOU!

-- docnuke (whole post here -- frankly, I think his journal's great in general)
vm

(no subject)

maegunnbatt posted a post about when a vampire, a Jedi, and a wizard walk into a pub...

A quote from it:
"Prophecies and chosen ones are old hat," Spike says dismissively, taking the bottle from Ani and splashing some of the liquor into his glass. "Where do you go to find a good apocalypse around here? You know what I like about Angel, mate? Got a pair the size of Mexico on him, that one does. Straight in he goes-- well, as straight as he can, I suppose-- sword out, forehead shining, hips swaying to the beat of dangers unforetold... Have I told you about the dragon?"

"My father could cook up a good apocalypse," Draco brags drunkenly. "Dragons, dudes in masks, dangerous stuff all around."

"Oh, yeah? How's that, then?" Spike asks.

"He knows some people who know a guy who killed a bunch of Muggles," Draco says.

"The way I heard it," Ani says, snatching the bottle back from Spike, "is that your father's a big poof with a ponytail who follows around some guy with a rotting face."
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Our Protector

(no subject)

From fanficrants a comment by frau_eva in regards to all those Star Wars fan-fictions that have the Mary Sue wanting Darth Vader to take his helmet off, (~cough~notpossibleunlesshe'stryingtokillhimself~cough~), during sex and the fact that Darth Vader was far from really, really ridiculiously good-looking...


Personally I'd like to see a sex scene like this:

Sue: You know I love you, Vader-baby. Let's have passionate love, right here right now! Take off your helmet so I can see your gorgeous face!
Vader: *takes off helmet*
Sue: OH GOD PUT IT BACK ON PUT IT ON JESUS



~Ami
black & white

may_lyn rants like a pro...

"those low down, dirty, rotten, non handwashing after using the toilet, chicken plucking, pig entrail fornicating, germ infested, jay walking, cotton picking, littering, last page first reading, non ice cube tray refilling, slobbering, non handicapped drivers parking in handicapped spaces, nose picking, low air in their tires, nontipping, and no spare tire while i'm at it, non signal using....gilmore girls writers!"

apocalypticbob says that's the best ranting sans cuss words (or, apparently, breathing) that I've heard in a while.

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bigsciencybrain Tara username

Chaos In RPG's

This was originally posted by eyesofavictim in bad_rpers_suck. Here is the original post.

And here is the best part--the horrific RPG this person saw. Since it's a little long, I'm putting it behind an LJ cut.

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The last two lines make this part wonderful. :D

ETA: There is also this funny part of his post:
"YOU are NOT Freeza, *name deleted* is NOT Goku, and the rest of us are NOT the fricking Peanuts Gallery! You can't make your character so powerful that the world blows up when they sneeze, damnit!"

(no subject)

superhappy in a thread in the community go_girly which is a community for his comic, Girly

I got rejected by King Feature Syndicate. hey were all like "This is good, but it needs to be drawn horizantally. And you should replace that skinny girl with a big dumpy guy. With a beard, and a viking helmet. And make that other girl his wife, but make her fat too. And give her a helmet. Also, replace all that random humor with jokes about living at home, with the husband complaining about dinner and other hilarious things like that."
So I said, "Fuck you, you fucking fuckers." And for some reason, they got offended.


Linky
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eridanus

Good clean fun

wbatpoaginar has a bad day at work:

Ah, how my manager laughed. He had to buy the shampoo story, seeing as I was walking proof, but nobody gets him on April Fool's Day. He had to admit though, my creativity was brilliant.

No. Seriously. There's a Collapse ). Under the shelf. In the hair products aisle.


Go read the whole thing. Things like that NEVER happen to me at work...
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buffy

(no subject)

in response to ron_huo's post where he quotes a customer saying " We shouldn't have foreigners running our stores, especially the Irish" nerdyjeff says...

bet that guy gets pissed everytime he passes by a box of Lucky Charms.

"We shouldn't be feeding our children that foreign Irish filth."

A couple of months old, but still golden.

Comic gold, I tell you.

On Fen's fandom_rant, a dicussion arises (snark) about how women's fashion compels men to lustfulness.

Somebody comments that women can be aroused by women too!

andsoyoudied: Oh, that's lesbianism. It doesn't really exist.

mrbimble: Oh, it exists. In porno, for men to enjoy. Not in real life. And certain real women don't enjoy two men getting it on - why! Real women don't have sex drives! They lie back and think of England!
Random - Trippy Colours

HOLY CRAP!!

jeffla advises against eating certain candies, in this here post:

Don't ever... ever... EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVERRRRRRRRRR eat Sugar-Free Creme Savers.

Ever.

I thought I was having some kind of an EXTREME "allergic" reaction to these things. The first time, I thought it was a fluke. The second time, I got concerned.

So I read the label thinking, "God... I wonder if the artificial sweetener is what I'm allergic to. I'll look it up and see!"

And there, in small print, under the fold in the wrapper where no one would really EVER see it, I saw it:

"Excess consumption may have a laxative effect."


A) I don't consider eating a dozen of these things inside of an hour or two to be "excessive."
B) Laxative effect doesn't even BEGIN.


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Squee Kitty

"Dead" Tree Editions?

Over in this entry, we have cadhla (she of the 100 Surreal Things) talking about a used bookstore owner's attempt to buy some books off her.

===============

So I hid in the nice, warm bookstore until the scary man was definitely gone, and chatted with Lynn (the owner) about stock, books, and Stephen King. It seems he has real issues keeping 'IT' on the shelves. I told him that I had eight copies, in paperback (because I do). The following conversation ensued:

"Give me seven."
"No."
"I'll give you store credit."
"No. I collect them."
"What else do you have?"
"Pretty much everything..." *begin long list of books*
"Do you have a will?"

I love having a local used bookstore that wants me to die so they can re-stock their horror section.
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