Metaquotes

cynical_ihop is a bit cranky. Private post, quoted with permission:

ATTN: EVERYONE WHO SUCKS
STOP SUCKING SO MUCH.

maybe there should be a blank there.

maybe i'm crazy. are you crazy? i don't know, but you think i'm crazy? you're the crazy one here.

worst. entry. ever.

bye bye.


No, I don't know what the post is referring to either. I thought it was funny anyhow.

My esteemed sister amandathegreat recently had a conversation with our mother.

Me: Day after tomorrow!!!

Mom: Yes! I have a hair appointment!

Me: ...

Mom: Oh right and that thing.

Me: Just a little bit, yes.

Mom: I think my hair appointment is more important.

Me: Unless it's to get a couple cinnamon buns on your ears, I'm going to have a hard time caring.


Thirty-nine hours and twenty-two minutes!

From the ever foodie-drool-producing anayajay...

Last night we were supposed to have tomato braised pork chops and mustard greens, but instead we had gin & tonics and sex.

That's the best substitution ever.

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In a private community bheansidhe had snarkily declared re: me that "YOUR TITS ARE THE SACRED FOUNTAIN FROM WHICH GUSH ALL HUMAN HAPPINESS"

football_swan has quipped in response re: tbrents, "If your tits are the fountain from which all happiness flows, Tim is one ecstatic man."

As said by walrusbeppy in the topfive community:

Ideas for judicial filibuster

5. Paris Hilton's autobiography.
4. Read Dr. Phil's weight loss book, making dramatic pauses to stare at overweight Republican congresspeople.
3. Sing "the song that doesn't end"
2. Pull an Andy Kaufman and read The Great Gatsby (not that it isn't a great book; it'd just be a nice homage is all.)
1.Harry/Snape slash.

violalee, relaying an earlier conversation through her journal here:

[Julia] a friend's grandmother used to knit afghans
[Julia] but for some reason couldn't say the word correctly
[Julia] and so she'd call it an african
[Julia] and she'd seriously ask her if she wanted an african to keep her warm.
[Julia] I always imagined her being cuddled by several starving ethiopians.
[Julia] "NO FOOD TILL YOU MAKE MY GRANDDAUGHTER WARM"

early morning funniness from anonymoussorrow - a "Finish the Sentences" meme

A couple of my favorites :D

25)If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Satan... GOD! I mean God!!! (that was close)

26)Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: walk into a bar....

30)If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you leave...immediately.

33)If you spend the night at my house: you're probably drunk.

and the post ends with this little gem, reacting to a conversation with a guy who has a slight conspiracy complex involving AIDS and the Vatican:

Now, I'm not here to spread any "truth" like that- I just wanted to ask if anyone knows of any really good tin foil hat designs so I can make one and send it to him.

I love this girl :D

For those of you who consider having children:

Be aware that your offspring will do things like wandering about the house at eleven in the morning wearing nothing but their pajamas and a bike helmet, and this will drive you crazy, because it is a sign that whatever insanity lingers in your personal genepool is breeding true. Then your darling offspring will do something like a daredevil before you can stop him or her -- say, using her plastic headbands to loop over the stair railing to use like a flying-fox down the staircase -- and you will despair, because clearly Darwin was talking about you and yours.

msdori, regarding disappointment in fandom:

"Hope is that cuddly, fuzzy thing you take to your bosom, and the next thing you know, its sharp teeth are in your throat, its sharp claws are raking your belly, and your guts are lying in a steaming heap on the floor."

This sounds like really good coffee. Made by a guy named Padraic whose name is pronounced "Pork" (hence the subject line).

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medousamedea has something to say regarding Lindsay Lohan. (Entire post with comparative pictures is fab.)

First and foremost, who finds a girl this thin attractive? She looks like a toothpick with a mini marshmallow stuck on top for a head. I think it's safe to say her breasts really were a side effect of growing up as she surely doesn't have them anymore.

In fact, she barely looks like a woman. I've seen 12-year old boys with more curves. She looks like she is 10 years older. She looks like she needs to eat a frickin' sandwich.

[...]

Lindsay used to be really hot. Now she looks like she should be shopping for a Chanel casket.

In a recent entry, murnkay relates a recent IM exchange he had with his good friend mightywombat regarding their plan to watch Return of the Jedi this evening:

Me: We should get food and toss on Jedi... but ... Ewoks... Yub yub.

Him: Yub nub. We'll put on subtitles. I'll show you.

Me: I don't care if it's yub yub, yub nub, yub jub, yub flub ... yub club.

Him: The first rule of Yub Club is you don't yub about Yub Club. The second rule of Yub Club is... you do not yub about Yub Club.

Me: If it's your first night at Yub Club, you have to yub.

A note here about car horns: As much as I adore my Honda Civic, the factory-installed horn falls dramatically short of the intensity of emotion I am trying to convey with it. But until someone comes out with a horn that shoots searing hot plutonium death rays directly into the skull of the other driver, my tinny, whiny little substitute will have to do. -- grrgoyl, here.

blinkytreefrog found the most scary/hillarious/revolting book from the fifties ("On Becoming a Woman"), and had the greatness of heart to scan and post it so whe can all enjoy the scariness.

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i just heard girls screaming somewhere! no, not in terror, but in that TRL "wooooo!" type screaming that scares everybody else, including me. it sounds like they are too close for comfort, i'm getting my beatin' stick...

From this entry by the ever-entertaining velveteen:

I am very, very, very filled with hope by the liberal backlash to the neoconservative backlash to liberalism.

My friend yourgirlfriday dutifully responds to a survey question:

Three things that scare you:

1. snakes
2. sharks
3. snakes with shark bodies and clown faces that hide under your bed and wait for you to have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night