May 13th, 2005

Castle - Writer

(no subject)

From ladylostris on Phantom of the Opera:

Someday if they do an autopsy, they won't find a brain, but rather little bits of Erik-shaped and -colored excrement, cause he'll have wanted to get rid of the more undesirable parts of my brain, such as the ones dealing with sunshine, flowers, and little fuzzy bunnies, none of which is very abundant in his lair under the operahouse.

Full entry here.
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    happy happy
{HP} Hermione

Dunc's realm of general deep concern...? Wait a tick. What?

If any of you have ever befriended duncatra, which, you might have due to her lovely & usually wankish icons, you know she's not one to skimp on the snark & mayhem. (You also know she's completely obsessed with SW.) In her recent post, she shocks herself with this new development in regards to the upcoming Star Wars movie.

(I was looking forward to the Ewan at one point... until the Jedi mullet. Oh, the hair. Only LFL can make Ewan McGregor fugly.)

The rest is certainly worth a read (and a chuckle or two). Quoted with pending permission.
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

100 surreal things. 100 reasons to spit things on the monitor and/or keyboard.

cadhla, my favorite humor columnist, has had at least 100 surreal things happen to her. (She made a list.)
91. You may think that coating yourself in Pop Rocks and then diving into the Pacific is a great way to demonstrate what it feels like to be an Alka-Seltzer. Really, you may think that. You may be seriously deranged, but you may think that. Just don't do it. Because it is absolutely no fun at all to be an Alka-Seltzer, and also, when you do that, it makes this GINORMOUS cloud of tiny fizzy bubbles, and someone screams that you've dived into toxic waste, and then the lifeguard comes, and ain't nobody gonna wind up happy.
And the best part is, it's probably all happened. She didn't even include the thing with the flaming leeks on the kitchen ceiling, either.
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    my poor monitor...
sport for our neighbors

(no subject)

From this post in my journal, but not a quote of mine so it doesn't count.

Setup: I posted a the results to a survey entitled "The Keys to Your Heart" or something equally foolish, and borogove13 broke them down for me point-by-point.

4. "You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic."
-...because, seriously, who needs the competition?

The rest of his breakdown is really funny. Go have a look-see.
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos, "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
black & white

On arachnaphobia, fromroninjedi

When she mentioned that her co-worker said that it was "just" a wolf spider, I informed her I call those things Wolf 359 spiders. I then get images of shattered starships, people ripped apart, drifting in the icy vacuum, and a tiny, blood soaked, spider flying away chuckling to itself.

She began laughing and I felt the need to explain just how Evil I think these little beasts from the blasphemous depths of the Universe really are. There is no Cthulu, Dagon, or Nyarlothotep (sp?). Y' know why? BECAUSE SPIDERS ATE THEM!!!

Me: That's right. They're stygian beasts from beyond space! You know how people will sometimes report that spiders will hide in someone's shoe. Well, what happened to the person IN those shoes? That's right! THE SPIDER ATE THEM!

apocalypticbob says:You have to read the rest of this post. He is seriously twisted in his hatred of the Arachnid.

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phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
  • conuly

In response to a post in firefoxusers


An independent study (commissioned by showed that with a typical user set-up (heavy consumption of pizza and coke, no exercise other than gamepad use), average weight loss over a two-week trial period was 17.5 lbs. For male users, penile dimensions increased by an average of 1.2x0.3 in, and female users generally went up one cup size (in a few cases the results were reversed due to misconfiguring prefs.js - a bug report has been filed).

A Microsoft spokesperson disputed the results, saying they did not take TCO into account: "It's true that Firefox has some impressive features, but you have to take a long-term view. How sexy will these Firefox users be in fifty years' time?" she asked. "It is well known that in the real world of corporate Internet use, IE users get laid more often."

Thanks, solri!

Dinosaurs and pots

Found here, in a discussion between stimpson (who gets grumpy when people confuse the two main topics of discussion) and spectralbovine about archeology, paleontology and all stops in between:

"So, you're going on an archaeological dig, huh?"
"Think you'll find any fossils?"
"No. Maybe some pots."
"Will the pots have fossils in them?"
"Yes. The pots will have fossils in them. Because ancient man grew dinosaurs in pots."
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Sarek of Vulcan

(no subject)

In that ever-fertile source of quotes, customers_suck, momo_kun has a joyous interaction with a customer...

Me: Would you like anything else today sir?
Customer: Yeah, I need 'Marina' sauce.
Me: Salt water or fresh water?
Customer: Huh?
Me: Nothing escapes you sir, that'll be 74 cents.
Customer: I only have 75 cents.
Me: I am sure I can scrape up enough to cover your shortcomings.
Customer: Thanks.
Me: *smirks* no...thank you.
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    giddy giddy

Delicious, delicious puppies

In a post I made in stupidpetowners about $1,000 "Goldendoodle" puppies, victoriana said something about mixing a chihuahua and a poodle and calling it a Cheese Doodle, and elfbabe responded,

"Nah, a cheese doodle's ancestry is like this:

chihuahua  maltese  lab  poodle
         \/            \/
       cheese      labradoodle
             \    /
         cheese doodle

I'll sell you some purebred cheese doodles, but they'll cost you $10k each."
sandcat snooze

Monty Python style metaquote.. XD

Its chief ingredient is cotton
cotton and polyester
Its two chief ingredients are cotton, polyester and ink
Its three, THREE chief ingredients are cotton, polyester, ink and child labor.
No, Its FOUR chief ingredients are cotton, polyester, ink and child labor
and that little tag that itches on your neck.

No, wait, let me start over...

-- beldar, in a comment here.
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    amused amused

Hey! You liberals! Get off my lawn!

nerdyjeff, in response to this post in customers_suck about a crazy little old lady customer who claims (among other things) that her unmarried liberal neighbors are ruining her lawn.

I know my girlfriend and I regularly throw herbicide on our neighbor's lawn with a note that says:

Maybe next time you'll think twice about voting for Bush.

Unmarried Liberals

P.S.- We support gay marriage too, as evidenced by us cutting down your rosebushes.