May 9th, 2005

EX-TER-MI-NATE

die_fleiderhat presents for your pleasure: The LiveJournal of The Last Dalek

Date unknown

OH GREAT. THE DOCTOR. WOULD EXTERMINATE, BUT DALEK GUN BROKEN. WOULD PLUMB, BUT PLUNGER BROKEN.

I AM THE LAST DALEK. I AM ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE. NO ONE WILL SAVE ME FROM TORTURE AND A SLOW, LINGERING DEATH. THINGS COULD NOT BE ANY WORSE.

Later . . .

PREVIOUS ASSESSMENT INCORRECT. THE DOCTOR HAS SENT A TEENAGE POP SINGER INTO MY CELL. HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK.

Read the whole entry. It includes Angsty Dalek poetry, usage of l33tsp34k and a quiz.
cm

(no subject)

In this found_objects post, lukadia tells of harrowing housecleaning experiences. The whole post is worth a read.

The house is starting to make echoey noises and we've discovered a cat we never knew we had. His name is Greystoke and he is a furry bowling ball. Seebs thinks he remembers getting a similar-looking kitten some time in the past, but it escaped into the mountain of empty Mountain Dew 24-pack cubes and was never heard from again. We think Stokes was living on dust bunnies and broken fax machine parts. It would explain his girth.

Also, it turns out there are stairs in our house. Not, as previously assumed, a paper-strewn ramp with a railing.

Here's some stuff Rah found and left outside my door. I am forcibly reminded of the rock piles in the Blair Witch Project. The booklet is a religious pamphlet that somehow ended up in our house. How did it happen? No clue. I just hope we don't find any skeletal Mormons in the basement, or I'm going to have to move again >,<
Illustration

(no subject)

labellementeuse in her latest post on yet another failing by the HP movie makers:

"PS: re GOF trailer: *facepalm* THERE WERE BOYS FROM BEAUXBATONS. There weren't girls from Durmstrang, so that's fine, but OMG PLEASE PAY ATTENTION, if France was totally populated by girls there would be no more french babies. And that would be sad because babies speaking french are OMG SO ADORABLE."
Maddux Portrait

Of Dogs and Pot

I was browsing through some ooold journal entries, and I came across this little gem.

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**Disclaimer**
This quote was not made by me, but I honestly don't remember who did it...it was in some random chatroom yeeears ago. If this is in any way inappropriate, let me know, and I'll delete it!! Thank you!
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    Trace Adkins ~ Songs About Me
headdesk

(no subject)

Yet more on the subject of Anne Rice's upcoming book told from the viewpoint of Jesus, this time from horror author nick_kaufmann found here under the title: "Will He Wear Crushed Velvet, Sip Absinthe, and Moan About the Ennui of Immortality?"

But since Rice's book only deals with Christ's early years, she doesn't have to worry about that. She can just stick with the magic teenager mischief. Kind of like that movie Zapped with Scott Baio.

Go. Read. The whole thing is hilarious....
agent may is unimpressed

On SW fans, of all genders

Moderator shout-outs were rampant in the answers to the ljdq this week for co-mod chaosvizier turned 34 on Cinco de Mayo. So all the answers were Hans-related this week. Or Han-related. Hey, what's with leaving out the Chinese, eh?

5. What is the name of the commander of the Millennium Falcon? Throw in your favorite Star Wars quote, too.

"HA! Not a Han answer! The original commander was Lando Calrissian, you douchebag! Your plot to control our minds by subtle use of your name has failed like a fat kid running thirty feet! My, I'm using exclamation points at the end of every sentence!"
--silent_r_infork

(To be fair, CV and AL gave credit for all Lando answers.)

"As for my favorite quote, it would obviously have to be 'May the force be with you.' It always makes me think of church, and I want to reply 'And also with you.' Which of course, I do."
--seregwen

(And now I will, too.)

Don't forget to play this week!

(no subject)

So quoth the lovely eye_of_a_cat. Background: she's a teacher. Now you know!

Campus Wildlife: chirp
Students: Aww.
Wildlife: chirp chirp CHIRP
Students: *close window*
Wildlife: ka-SQUAAAAWK
Students: *sigh*
Wildlife: Quack.
Students: ...
Wildlife: Quack quack quack, quack quack, quack quack QUACK QUACK QUACK!
Student near window: Shut the duck up.


In response to a piece of quoted material about how Algernon and Jack in some Oscar Wilde play, I dunno which one please don't hit me aren't gay, because they get married, and Wilde can;t help himself from putting the gay everywhere:

"It's like fandom slash flamewar #6782, only now I have to grade it."

Son of Edit: She said it was okay as long as I didn't quote the essay, so that admins doing a plagiarism search didn't have it come up and think the poor student had ripped someone off.
Joyful Eliza

The joys of modern technology...

pun on being able to review and re-record voice mail messages:

What it should really do is store all the messages you record and then let you pick your favorite. Hell, while we're at it, it could weigh in with opinions. "Press one to select the version where you sound like a woodchuck with a head cold. Press two for the one where you say 'uh' sixteen times. Press three if you'd like to come off like you just snorted your weight in speed." And so on.

From a locked post with permission.
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    amused amused
WTF?!Kratos

Troubled Seas

eevee_blaze has a list of lamentations about the cruise she just returned from. On that list:

8.The view: This was kinda funny. We got a window, but we got a view of a huge ass lifeboat out of it. XD Then the other people got big balconys. Well poo on them, when the ship sinks what good's a BALCONY gonna do!!!!???

and


2. The whole "This is your Captain... from the BRIDGE" announcement style: "You'd damn well BETTER be on the bridge buddy, I don't wanna hear any "This is your Captain.. from the disco..""
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    dorky
me

(no subject)

I've got no idea where I'm supposed to post this, so if it's inappropriate here, someone cross-post it to where it's meant to be for me please? All the [inserthere]sucks communities ought to be listed together.

So i've got a bunch of communities on my friends list. And lo and behold, four entries IN A ROW on my friends page:

wonderfulalecs, posting in metaquotes @ 6:03pm: Newbie looking for friends
I am pretty new to lj and need more friends! Please look over my profile and journals. Most of my entries are for friends only, so if you add me I would love to add you as a friend. Thanks!


Clickhere to see my favorite website


So here I thought it was just an annoying desperate off-topic-er. BUT! There's more:


alluringalice, posting in bad_rpers_suck @ 6:09pm: Newbie looking for friends
I'm new and a friend told me i would get alot of comments from you guys. So i hope this works.


Clickhere to see my favorite website


Beginning to see some similarity?

uniqueolivia, posting in discworld @ 6:48pm: Newbie looking for friends
Just joined, It seems rather hard to find a good community, but I'm glad I found this one.


Clickhere to see my favorite website


Notice how all the usernames are [adjective][name]?

stunningchanell, posting in customers_suck @ 7:02pm: Newbie looking for friends
I just wanted to drop a quick yet warm hello for everyone here.


Clickhere to see my favorite website


Spam, anyone?
KikiCouture

(no subject)

This is a quote having to do with Oprah Winfrey and her muchly 'esteemed' Book Club.



"I am totally convinced that someday, there will be a religion founded around the Great Winfrey.


And on the second day of the week, the Great Winfrey spake, saying, "Ye shall read, and your reading shall be The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison." And there was much rejoicing at the House of the Penguin. "

-honorh here .
perfect

I'm so glad I didn't have LJ when I was that age...

I was doing the "random journal" thing looking for bad LJ poetry (don't ask why) and I found a gem. I feel mean-spirited for posting this, but it seriously must be shared, and I say that's what you get for taking yourself so seriously.

fragile_child: "I mean i can actually start to think about my future a little bit more i mean i have 26 more days of high school left and im practically an adult."

That's just one bit of the unintentional funny; you've really got to read the whole thing. Best part is how it's immediately preceded by this.
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    Regina Spektor - Somedays