May 8th, 2005

default falling

Hysteria

For those who didn't know, hysteria means craziness of women. Loosely. Haha.

sockschan talks about the 'wandering womb' syndrome. The whole post is awesome, not only because of the great alliteration involving kidneys. Best excerpt:

I'm sorry, I just can't stop laughing my @$$ off, thinking about my uterus wearing a big straw hat and sunglasses, just taking an extended vacation through my body. Postcards from the pancreas, souvenirs from the islets of langerhaus, kitschy keychains from the kidneys....
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    Smashing Pumpkins 'Eye'

My boobies bring all the boys to the yard...

From Fen - are we surprised?

From a thread over in fandom wank...

elzezuk: Well, if it's any comfort to you, I get constant messages from underwear shops that bras are supposed to look like weapons of mass destruction or body armour. Look Ma, it's the underwire of destruction and protects my boobies from anything less than nuclear attack!

And as for buying dresses well, 2 options... I can either have them look like a tent around the rest of me or I can decide that breathing is overrated.

I like my boobs but sometimes they're just not worth the effort.


smo: I've heard the bra thing is very true of Victoria's Secret. If you don't have boobs and want to enhance your figure or whatever, they're all over it. But if you actually have them, they're all, "...look, a UFO!"


sarracenia: Word. I'm a 38H and dear god, the sheer hideousness of most the bras available. Not to mention paying $80 for these hideously ugly things that were probably bridge supports in a past life. I just went bra shopping 2 days ago and am still bitter from the experience. But I found a swimming suit! That fits! And offers support! For the first time since fifth grade!

Believe me, you haven't known misery until you've been in 100+ degree weather with a pool in your backyard and no swimsuit.
fear the penguin

Jesus fanfic

From cdaae - it's another Anne Rice quote:

"I do not allow fan fiction," Rice's website recently stated, somewhat pompously. "The characters are copyrighted. It upsets me terribly to even think about fan fiction with my characters. It is absolutely essential you respect my wishes." (Source)

Rice's new book, "Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt", uses the character of Jesus.

I hear God's terribly upset.
bsg - said the joker to the thief
  • djcati

cause damn, there ARE a lot of Anne Rice things going round...

In fanficrants, redninjawinz says in this post:

I know this has probably been said to death, but I can't stand when authors take time to make a sole chapter complaining about receiving a bad review. If you can't handle criticism, maybe you shouldn't be writing on the net.

waywardoctagon replies: Wow. I saw this on my friends page and at first I thought it was another metaquote about Anne Rice.
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    badly drawn boy -- "another pearl"
Top Model - Ms J

The Living will of Kenofallseasons

kenofallseasons decides to protect himself in case he becomes a veggie in this post.

After watching this whole Terry Schiavo case unfold on the various news channels, it has occurred to me that at any suffering moment I could be gone from the mortal plain, suspended in limbo. I have determined that I need a living will, to save my family and friends undue hardship at the almost-passing of their loved one. This 'Will' will not be based on religious teachings, moral/ethical/legal standings, or even common sense but rather be based upon what I consider the minimal quality of life that I need to live, vegetative or otherwise.

I, being of sound mind and body wish for my life to be preserved, either by heroic measures or medical technologies (Advanced or experimental), as long as my body laying in a vegetative state can achieve and maintain an erection. Our scope is limited, both in Science and in Spirituality, to what exactly happens when we pass into that beyond, but the one thing I can state with extreme accuracy, is that I wont be leaving my tally-whacker behind. So as long as my comatose-cock is 'fit to fiddle,' I wish to remain among the assisted-living. As long as I can pop a chub, don't touch that plug. I also wish to invite all the various women that I have loved and been loved by over the years, to come and say goodbye in what ever manner they deem appropriate. And the less appropriate the better.


Behind the cut are a few of his arrangements and wishes for if this should happen.

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Read the rest of the original post The entire thing is hillarious.
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    amused amused
HELLO?! EW!

Hello!

old_age in a locked post expresses his regret over not being in touch with his feelings.

Oh my god? How did I miss the video of Britney Spears crying during a Diane Sawyer interview a few years ago?

You know what? This is proof that I really need to get more in touch with my feelings. I mean, I literally laughed uncontrollably at this.

From now on, whenever I am sad I will begin crying in front of people, shifting around and flopping my hair from side to side, putting my splayed out hand in front of my mouth and going (in a Valley girl tone), "Hello! Ew! Oh. My. Goodness! Hello! .... Ew!"
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    amused amused
default

(no subject)

minkboylove speculates on the nature of Anne Rice's planned foray into the world of religious literature:

"So, you didn't like my Bible? Yo bitches and fo' shizzle my nizzle (and who says I can't talk street, mofo?)- you were interrogating the text from the wrong perspective, because you are ignorant and heartless and you don't understand that my words are sacred. Sentence structure. I care not if like Yoda I sound on occasion for grammar is for lesser artists than I. Choppy and short. Run on and excessive with contempt for the comma and adjectives trickling and tumbling like a beauteous waterfall of glimmering mixed metaphors oozing like primordial soup in teh raw perfection of my unadulterated prose. It's indicative of the purity of my art. How dare you criticise me? NOW BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD!"
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    amused amused
jenova

Metameta duck!

sirena_lupin understands us ficcers-turned-writers.

[I]n my book, I paired off just about everyone. I thought no more could be done... I was very wrong.

My editor, this quiet, shy, nervy guy was like "Um... I really... ah... like the dynamic between these two... (male characters). It's really... tender."

My mind instantly converts to slo-mo-gay-porn-drums-and-bass-no-holds-barred-buttfuck mode. And the editor moves on to a grammar query.
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    silly silly
Cartoon me

(no subject)

ticca's latest entry:

Máire: This week everyone in my year was presented with a Bible with their name inscribed inside as a leaving present!
The mummy: Oh? Even the Jewish girls? And the Muslim ones?
Máire: And the atheists.
The mummy: Does every religion have its own religious book, do you think?
Máire: I suppose so. Islam has the Qu'ran, Judaism has the Torah, Satanism has the Satanic Bible...
The daddy: Sex has the Karma Sutra.
Máire: Er, sex isn't actually a religion, though.
The mummy: Not yet, it's not.
Parents: *leer at each other*

EW.
Treize glasses lol
  • neev

(no subject)

maladaptive, on people wistfully thinking of the 50s:

I mean, I understand that it's because they want women to become housewives and for kids not to know about sex. Nevermind that the fifties isn't really like the place they're looking for, but all I can hear is:

Wife: "Oh honey! The air raid sirens are going off again!"

Husband: "Darling, that's absolutely splendid! Now, to our absolutely fabulous fall out shelter!"

2.5 Kids: "Radiation's cool!"
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    amused amused
Mad Stylin Yo!

People of Earth...

People of Earth, I understand that you've decided to make another Herbie the Volkswagen movie. I assure you that the number of high-yield nuclear warheads currently screaming through the cold depths of space toward your world will forever redefine the concept of "shitloads" in the eyes of the greater galaxy. If I could give you only one piece of advice, it is this-- wear sunblock. Three feet of sunblock.

======

Yes people... scott_lynch strikes again
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    Dead Can Dance - Saldek