May 7th, 2005

tylor

Go forth and politick

cambler preaches in atheist:

Remarking on the church that kicked out democrats.

"“I hate to see the church suffer like that,” she said. “God doesn’t care whether you’re a Republican or a Democrat. It just hurts to see that going on.”

So true! As we know, in Partisans 4:33: For God was so filled with love for both parties that he did say unto them, "Go forth and be political. Choose thy parties wisely, but knowest that both Republican and Democrat are both loved in my heart. You Libertarians can go to hell, though."
shocked

(no subject)

as rhondak said in her post of personal crisis and disfugurement ;;;

"My left nipple which is practically on a first name basis with anyone I know being an errant tramp leaping out of my tops at every opportunity jumped on the frying pan.

This is an interesting, though inaccurate visual.

I picked up the frying pan - hot hot hot - and accidentally brushed it against my nipple. This is the same nipple I accidentally stapled to a bag during a stint in retail during Christmas.

The pain...no words.

Have you ever had a terrible nipple accident?"
Moondragon sultry

Transformer fangirls meet the Punisher!

More brilliant crack on sages_of_chaos: in response to a discussion where the Punisher threatens to sedate a community member's fangirlish screaming every time a Transformer posts to the community, Mr. Castle presents his flawless logic as to why needles aren't evil:

"Need to go back to Logic 101, kid, and try again:

Valium Drip = intravenous administration of diazepam

Diazepam = medication that will be effective in calming you down from screaming hysteria and fluttering dangerously close to the giant feet of every Autobot, Decepticon, Junkion, and other assorted assemblages of sentient metal that show up here, in a display of foolhardiness that I can only describe as a groupie kamikaze death wish, that supercedes what evolution spent billions of years putting into your brain pan: the impetus to survive.

Medication that will be effective in calming you down = giving my ears a rest, and me not having to watch you every second so you don't wind up flattened into a bloody pancake on the tarmac a la War of the Gargantuas.

Giving my ears a rest, and me not having to watch you every second so you don't wind up flattened into a bloody pancake on the tarmac a la War of the Gargantuas = a happy Frank Castle."


I don't know why everyone isn't a member of this community at this point. I can't stop laughing at the crack there.
look at that FAT COCK
  • namey

(no subject)

From childfree, here:

Babies are the single most important problem facing New Zealanders today. Instances of babies are on the rise; New Zealand was inundated with more than 58,000 cases of babies last year - a 3% rise from 2004, and an eleven-year high. Baby-wise we are worse than Australia, England and France, with the average Kiwi woman coming down with babies more that twice in her lifetime. Are we to sit idly by while an epidemic of babies ravages our nation?

...snip...

Pregnancy is a debilitating condition that can incapacitate a woman for an entire nine months and often hits the food-service, secretarial and exotic-dancing industries the hardest.
cm

(no subject)

In a comment to this post on customers_suck, pockingell contemplates why aliens have not yet invaded.

Space Alien: "Surrender, human, or die!"
Entitlement Bitch: "I'll have a coffee."
SA: "There is no more coffee. We have conquered your planet and will enslave you! Surrender!"
EB: "Well, I got coffee here yesterday."
SA: "Circumstances have changed. Please note the large armed flying saucers, and even larger signs proclaiming our dominance."
EB: "I don't have time to read that, just give me my coffee."
SA: "What part of this don't you get, earthling? There is no more coffee. Surrender or die!"
EB: "Well, I really don't think this is satisfactory. I'm a customer. I pay your wages! If you don't satisfy me, I'll take my business somewhere else."
SA: "There is nowhere else. We have conquered the entire planet. And I am a soldier, not a coffee dispenser. You do not pay me anything."
EB: "Screw you, give me your name. I'm going to complain to your manager, and then I'm taking my business elsewhere."
*Space Alien's head implodes, and the Earth is safe once again for sucky customers. Damn.*
Pies Iesu Domine

Yet another Organized Religion/Fanfic Crossover...

but a darn good one- from the ever-quotable thunderemerald. The thing's better organized than most of what I see in a week, with six perfect points of comparison, of which this one, IMO, is the best:

Both organized religion and fanfic have sects of people who will flame (or in some cases literally set fire to) people who don't agree with their speculations. Like all those Ron/Hermione shippers marching against the Harry/Hermione shippers, each side carrying banners that say "OMG Liek My God OTP Can Kick Ur God's OTP's Ass, Bizzatch!!!!111!!" and fighting to the death about Who Will Inhabit The Holy Land Of Canaan Canon -- and meanwhile JKR's probably rolling her eyes and thinking of setting Hermione up with someone else entirely, just to mess with everyone's heads.


The whole business, including a couple of embellishments ::bows::, can be found
here
Fairy Wings, Butterfly girl, Purpled, Fairy Wings (blue)

Anne Rice channels Jesus, but Trollprincess wins!

The always-quoteworthy apocalypsos on Anne Rice's latest "literary" contribution, a "chronicle" of Jesus's early life:

BWAHAHAHAHAHA. I think if she's going to be blasphemous, she should go all out and do it in diary form. "Dear Diary, today I found out my father is God. If Mom thinks I'm cleaning my room after this, she's out of her goddamn fucking mind."

The whole post can be read here.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Hahaha

From a locked post from michellinator with her permission:

G is feeling pensive today, and is meditating on the differences between men and women. He asks me, in all seriousness, "Why are men and women so different?" I answer that most men are oblivious, most of the time, and rely on women to keep them from walking into traffic, etc. He says, "But why?" I say, "Don't ask me, I would love not to remind you about Cat Box Wednesdays every week." He says, "But why is it like that?" I said, "Because if women didn't supervise, all the cat boxes of the world would be overflowing with cat shit, and all the lawns would be jungles and taxes wouldn't get paid..." By then he was laughing, these are all real-life things I've had to remind him of. I'm gonna write a book... 'The Care and Feeding of Your Pet Redneck.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Everybody needs at least one deluded relative

From rov's journal:

A card I got in the mail from my grandmother:

"America will undoubtedly be a better place because of graduates like you-- Our country will be stronger and our future will be brighter because you can make the differences today that will create a better tomorrow."

Reading that card opened my eyes. For a moment, I felt vaguely guilty that I'm choosing to be a lawyer, a career path that will almost certainly help make America a worse place and cause me to be, essentially, an agent that feeds on human misery and strife.

But then I remembered how much lawyers get paid, and the feeling went away. I bet it was really just gas or something.
  • Current Music
    Darkshines - Muse
IF I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA FUCK YOU

(no subject)

In a private entry by unxtraordinary:

Jamie: *playing Devil May Cry* I hate how it rates your attacks, and tells you "Dull", when I don't know how to make it not dull.
Me: You have to chain together a sweet combo.
Jamie: Oh, "Cool."
Me: The computer thinks what you're doing is cool.
Jamie: It's like that nerdy friend that watches you play?
Me: But if you don't have that friend.
Me: "We built a friend into this game for you."