April 26th, 2005

soprano

Meta-meta BOOBS!

In discussing bra sizes, witness the wittiness of champawat:

"Heck, I envy the "A"s. I'm a AA-- that's a battery size, not a bra size!
...
I mean, I like my small boobs, but I find the whole battery thing slightly disconcerting. At least the "C"s and "D"s are respectable battery sizes; they are the maglites and backup radios of the bra world-- they are useful! What is a AA? A AA is a FURBY! I am the Furby of the bra world!"
  • Current Mood
    embarrassed flushed
merchgirl

(no subject)

from a locked post by thieving_gypsy :

My computer now says, "You're looking very beautiful, man," when I turn it on, and, "Bastards! You'll all suffer! I'll show the lot of you! I'm going to be a star!" when I turn it off, and, "I demand to have some booze!" when somebody logs onto AIM, and, "MONTY, YOU TERRIBLE CUNT!" when there's an error.

If I could only decide where to put, "GETINTHEBACKOFTHEVAN!" and, "Stop saying that, of course he's the fucking farmer!" then mine would be the coolest computer that ever lived.

ETA: "GETINTHEBACKOFTHEVAN!" is now the logging-onto-AIM sound, and "I demand to have some booze!" is the receiving-message sound, and "I feel unusual" is when people log off. MWAHA!
Green K
  • klytus

(no subject)

Found on the LJ of selkiesiren

Today was no different. But, as we sat there, just kinda shootin' the...crap, we overheard the Doc go in to the room next to mine, and greet the inhabitant. It was (and I shit you not) an asian military man, and the Doc greeted him as "Major Ho".

Woof and I just looked at one another, and broke into peels of laughter. When I had *almost* regained my composure, Woof hits me with this one...

"I hear Major Ho had to discipline Private Parts for not standing at attention".
Doctor Who - A Little More Sonic

(no subject)

inlovewithnight has a paper due -

Me: You're right. Five pages of Jayne and Kaylee going at it like bunnies would be MUCH more fun than five pages about escalation of American involvement in Vietnam.
Mom: I don't think you're supposed to say "going at it like bunnies" to your mother.
Me: ... Have I mentioned the Serenity trailer's coming out tomorrow?
Mom: A few times. Go write your paper. AND NO PORN until it's done!
Me: I don't think you're supposed to say "porn" to your daughter.
basically I rule

(no subject)

gmth struggles with insomnia here and has an experience common to writers:

Brain: *writes half of [info]reversathon fic*
Body: Eh, I'm too lazy to get up and find a pad of paper. I'm sure you'll remember it all come morning.
Brain: Ha! That's what you think! *deletes*

Words of Wisdom from Aliki

Abstinece Till Marriage: A Rant is a wholly serious and insightful post, but the first part makes metaquotes cos it's funny:


Why do mothers tell their daughters that if boys can get the milk for free, why would they buy the cow?

For one, the milk is *never*, ever, free.

And if you want milk every day for the rest of your life, a simple mathematical calculation will tell you that it's cheaper to just buy the cow (once you've found the cow's milk that you want to drink for the rest of your life, that is) instead of paying for each glass of milk.

(no subject)

With the imminent arrival of "Kingdom of Heaven", crevette once again tries to engage her uterus in some meaningful dialogue.

Uterus: Let's just get this straight. I know what your plans are for next
weekend. I know they involve a movie starring Orlando Bloom sporting
20 lbs more muscle mass than "Troy" and a fine layer of grime. I
know that this movie exceeds 2 hours and contains a flash of a nude
scene.

That, combined with our less than harmonious history equals a
premeditated plot to cause me dire injury and harm. I know you, you
scheming bitch.


Entire thing is, as always, worth reading. Click here.
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    amused amused
Hello Bebop

(no subject)

From the_pangolin's entry here:

Fourth, I took a Mathematics quiz yesterday...and I PASSED. More than passed actually: I ACED it. That quiz rolled over at the sight of me and exposed it's soft under-belly in a display of acknowledged inferiority and subservience. Now that I've gotten a 100% on a maths quiz, can the Apocalypse be far behind?

(no subject)

From a locked entry by mattiris with permission; it's the last line that's my favorite:

Today I saw a guy whom I would happily spend the rest of my life with. I do realise that there are more to people than their looks, but this guy was the one exception. I saw him in library looking for a spare computer, and then reading "Pride & Prejudice", and then later again outside of my Philosophy tutorial room. I don't know anything about him except for the fact he owns a red shirt, but were I a womenfolk, I would have offered myself to become impregnated by him.
Whuh Huh?!

More on the "not really a woman" front

Really, I try not to be a deranged feminist. I'd like to think I'm pretty good about it. I go along believing I'm equal, and assuming pretty much everybody else who isn't some kind of freakish religious dinosaur does too, and gritting my teeth at tampon commercials, and it generally works out. I can't think of the last time I flew at someone, harpy claws extended, screaming "DIE YOU TOOL OF PATRIARCHAL OPPRESSION!" I go through whole weeks without dwelling on the fact that someone, somewhere, in power, probably believes that I'm basically a glorified uterus capable of simple housekeeping chores and the occasional blow job.

-- ursulav's whole rant is here
what time is it

disgruntledjenn's funtimes @ walmart


Lesson of the Day: Walmart does not appreciate it when you and your band's bassist start a plastic lightsabre fight in the toy asile.

It's even more amusing when the employee sent to tell you to knock it off replies to your requests of "Turn to the DARK SIDE!" with "I already did, I work HERE"
elliot geek

A Meta of a Meta...

From this post:

"I resent the implication that if I have sex with a man, it's because I was tricked/manipulated into doing it or that I'm doing it in exchange for some type of commitment to me. I have sex because I like it, and if anyone's the hapless victim, it's the guy >:)" - dolphingirl

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    chipper chipper
can't a girl get a moment

(no subject)

In response to the newly released definition "woman" according to the Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act in this post, naamah_darling celebrates her newfound gender:


Cool! Since I can't have kids, I'm not a woman, which means by their fucked-up logic that apparently only recognizes two genders, I MUST BE A MAN!

FINALLY!

I've been waiting for this day for years. I am a man!

I feel better now. I'm going to go piss on something, chug a few beers, slap my wife around, and get my sister pregnant. Right after I'm through humping this goat.

Stupid motherfuckers.
practically perfect in every way [ja]

(no subject)

harmonyangel gets distracted during Civil Liberties class (locked post, QWP)

Prof: Thurgood Marshall was a great lawyer, but not a very good Supreme Court Justice. He wanted justice NOW and didn't have the patience for legal theory. He was also a bit of a party guy.

Jen: [thinks] Party guy, eh? Dude, if the Supreme Court justices were Ninja Turtles, Thurgood Marshall would totally be Michelangelo. And Scalia would be Shredder. Or maybe Bill Frist would be Shredder. [ponders]

---

And something like that? Needs a theme song.

---
Teenage Mutant Ninja Justice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Justice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Justice
Judges in a black robe- judicial power!

We're the world's most awesome judging team
We're heroes in a black robe- we're Supreme
When the Constitution's attacked
This 9-man Court don't cut 'em no slack
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    Animaniacs