April 25th, 2005

deadbeat sweetheartbeat

hooray, first post.

recomendedosage, in a comment about a locked entry (also found here) in which I complain about a woman and her entire bridal party abusing their coupon privileges by ringing up 15 or so garlands as separate purchases:

oh MAN. that sounds hellish. next time that happens, i swear im coming through your line with 100 garlands of the ugliest flowers and im just gonna wrap em around my entire body and not only make you ring them up seperately, but also you have to take them off me one by one. oh, and i will also smell of foot medication.

it will happen.
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    TV on the Radio
Kushiel's Legacy: Rainbow Love.

The dolphin spammer...

The dolphin spammer hit customers_suck as well as here. Fortunately, lyricalsoul was on hand to translate, and, IMHO, hit the nail right on the head:

He's saying he works at Sea World in the Dolphin Show, and is so OMG glad he found this community.

He just wants the lady in the audience at the four o'clock show to know that he didn't appreciate her comment about his fin. He goes on to call her an asshat and hopes she chokes on a sardine.


If you don't know customers_suck, that's pretty typical of a first time post...
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    Cranberries -- 'I Can't Be With You'
b&w maggie

(no subject)

In response to an off-hand comment of mine about "Proudly Austistic" T-shirts that are actually being sold on Cafe Press, bites_the_sun writes in cf_hardcore:

I await the 'Ass Cancer and Proud' t-shirts with baited breath.

(Oh, and before anyone jumps on either me or her, I have autism in my family — in fact, I may have a mild form of Asperger's — and I still think those T-shirts are teh dumb.)
agent may is unimpressed

Even in the 80s, Brad Pitt wasn't immune to "teh gay innuendo"

From the movie synopsis of "Cutting Class" posted on the plan_9_from_lj community, written by storydivagirl.

Note: Creepy = the creepy schizophrenic kid who was tried and convicted for killing his father, but has recently been released from a psychiatric hospital and Brad = Brad Pitt, like you really need to know his character's name.

It’s auto shop time! Brad brings his car in as the teacher announces, “Now we work on brakes.”

Creepy is tinkering under Brad’s car. Brad slides under to “supervise” anything creepy does.

I could go on at great length about the blatant homosexual undertones of this scene, but really, I think the actual dialogue is much funnier than anything I could provide you all with.

Creepy asks, “Have you worked on your car much?”

“No, I haven’t been underneath a car in a long time.”

“How come?”

“I just polish the outside.”

“You know I used to like working on cars with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah...remember that time under my dad’s car...we took that part out, didn’t put it back in.”

“We were just fooling around.”

“I wasn’t fooling around... I never said a word about it.”

“That was a long time ago, Brian.” (Silently you know he adds, “During my gay phase”)

“I’ll never forget what you taught me....when you use a screwdriver, it’s always righty-tighty, lefty-loosey...I’ll never forget.”

Ahh, nostalgia. Makes me misty, once I stop laughing hysterically because I have the sense of humor of an eleven-year-old boy.


Check out the whole thing here.
wheelchair

Projectionist Needed

I can't link to the original because it's in a locked community, but I have the permission of both the community's moderator and the originators to put it here.

ariedana comments: He's projecting so much that he should get a second job in a movie theater. Seriously.

football_swan responds: I think his lightbulb went out years ago, and a replacement is no longer stocked in the discount stores of life.
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    chipper chipper
default

Con-goer Circles

shadowcaptain said here

needless to say, your peer group (at least the part that's synonymous with mine) is pretty much made up of Con People. ...
In other words, people who have read more than their fair share of books growing up, but, statistically speaking, people who got to less than their fair share of parties as a result. And whose social circles tend to be somewhat *cough*inbred*cough*, shall we say, self-correcting. hence, the second- and third-generation geeks, otherwise known as the BSCWCB ("baby strollers covered with calligraphic buttons").

The big social loophole, which has bailed out more people that come to mind than I would care to mention in a public forum, is the Bed-Swapping Rationalization Natural 20, otherwise known as the Let's Have An Open Relationship Dice Roll Of Khazad-Dum. But, again, generally speaking, weaving stable relationships out of that kind of psychosexual egyptian rat screw takes a quantity of mental gymnastics that itself almost requires falling on the High LQ scale to begin with. For anyone else, that way lies spooky carnival death.
madsci

The new rules for the Secret Feminist Conspiracy

From the ever-quotable ginmar:

"Hi, this is the Secret Feminist Conspiracy that you secretly believes rules everything. Well, seeing as how we're everywhere and control everything---yet somehow do not have enough power to give Ann Coulter a cholesterol IV---we've injected tranquilizers into the water supply instead. Now that everyone is feeling really mellow we've decided to take over because we've just seen too damned many movies with Harvey Keitel naked, and that is just a crime against humanity.

"Effective immediately..."
hell

Jesus Meats

From an post about calculating Jesus' body weight, based on the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation:

jwz: Oh, I thought the transubstantiation happened once you swallowed. I didn't realize that they believed there to be a stack of live Jesus Meats sitting out there in the open, unrefrigerated.

enochsmiles: Actually, transubstantiation is believed to occur at a specific point in the mass, when the priest consecrates the communion host [ . . . ] At least as of a decade ago, the altar boys helpfully ring little bells at the very moment of the transubstantiation, so you know that your Jesus Meat is done.


The post itself is a good example of why math is the oil to religeon's water . . .
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Eeyore, i am happy

The joys of meta-metaquotes

montrealais shares this lovely tidbit in this metathread.

The following happened at my university:

some dude and some girl: *are selling kisses for charity*
me: How much?
dude: $2.
me: Here's $2. Pucker up.
dude: Uh... maybe you'd be interested in Megan?
me: Forget Megan. I choose you, Pikachu.
dude: ...
me: Oh, don't wuss out. This is for CHARITY.
dude: ... *restrained heterosexual panic*
me: *GLOMP*
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    Food Network...
Top Model - Ms J

Note to self.

sarcastro leaves himself a note in this post:

'Hokay. I should not be drunk yet, as I've only had one drink, albeit a potent one.

In pouring myself another, I just tried to pour rum -- not into my glass -- but into my ashtray.

The only real purpose of this entry is to explain things tomorrow, just in case I wake up with a mouth that tastes like ash.
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