April 18th, 2005

eridanus

What do you mean this thing is public?

I would hereby like to metaquote baylor_w. But especially this comment, in response to a friends request:

Um, you mean someone other than Kim actually reads this stuff? Hell, i don't even read it. i wrote a program that writes my blog by spitting out random words

Still, it wouldn't be the Internet if it weren't for random strangers, most of whom are either 45 year old men (in stormtrooper outfits) posing as 13 year old girls or African bank managers who knew one of the 152 millionaire relatives i had die in Africa last month. Oh yes, and i have learned that i am incredibly sexy to any number of hot, young, Russian chicks who want to get to know me better, although i suspect it's because they heard of the several million dollars i will soon be inheriting from my several hundred recently deceased cousins from Kenya, Tanzania, Zaire and any number of other places

Of course, now that i know someone is reading this, i'll probably stop posting. In fact, i'll likely go back and erase everything i've ever written so that nothing i say here will ever embarass me when i decide to run for president. If there's anything i've learned in the last two elections it's that you can't get elected without having a squeaky clean background


And the rest of that thread. Because he's just funny.
  • Current Music
    Blink 182 - I Miss You
Squee Kitty

How to be depressed properly

esotaria was reading her psych textbook here when she felt the need to comment on one of the examples in the book.

========
Anyway, just wanted to share this inanity from my psych textbook. This person seriously fails at being depressed.

Patient: I'm feeling even more depressed. No one wants to hire me, and I can't even clean up my aparment. I feel completely incompetant.
Therapist: I see. The fact that you are unemployed and have a messy aparment proves that you are completely incompetant?
Patient: Well...I can see that doesn't add up.


Wuss! Be strong in your self-hate! If it were me, I would have said: "Yes! If I'm not worth hiring, and I can't even do such a basic thing as keep an apartment clean, how could I possibly be considered competant?" Make the therapist WORK for his $100 an hour, damn it! ^_~
  • Current Music
    Killing Joke - Love Like Blood
Morning Star

(no subject)

I joined just to share this, part one of my sister, believeitup's account of her latest trip to NYC to perform with the university choir. This is her 4th such trip on her own in NYC, and her forced-upon-her buddy's first.

Sample:

So I give up on him and go check on Barbie, who is dancing that xenophobic dance of, "OMG there's someone with brown skin near me!" when a cabbie approaches her to see if she needs a lift.
[later]
Barbie: *omghemighthearmecomplainingandblowhimselfup* D'you think it'd be rude for me to ask him to turn the heat on?
Me: *We're paying him a $200 fare--you tell me* Nope, go for it.


ETA: Crap, I forgot its a protected entry. She's in bed right now, but as soon as I get her permission, I'll put the whole thing here, or get her to unlock it, or something...
  • Current Music
    Rime of the Ancient Mariner - Iron Maiden
Squee Kitty

Smoothie time

Squick alert. This post contains imaginary but graphic cruelty to animals. Don't go to the original post if you can't handle it.

thies makes a post in wtf_inc regarding how to make a Spider Smoothie. This naturally has many people squicked and horrified. It is later revealed that it's actually the tarantula molt, not a live spider, but that's secondary to this (as it's not mentioned until after the quote).

A bit further down, in this thread, we see

catnip_martini: also... ew! I make smoothies at work!
solipschism: let's just hope thies doesn't.
thies: I actually bought a blender two days ago. I'm a bit understocked on spiders though.
  • Current Music
    Nightwish - Crimson Tide / Deep Blue Sea
emanuelosi, rahmcy

(no subject)

homasse, on what the current Japan-China conflict sounds like to her:

China: OMG U SUK!
Japan: U SUK MORE, H0R!
Korea: u BoTh SuK. ...HeY, y aReNt u LiStEnInG 2 mE? HEY!!!!
China & Japan: STFU, n00b
China: OMFG, U SUK S0000 B4D!
Japan: U SACK O CATSHIT AN NOT HLLO K!TTY SH!T!!!11!
China: U STILL SUK H0RB4G
JAPAN: WTF U FU!!!1! LYING DOUCHEBAG!
China: BLOW ME B!TCH!
Rest of the World : STFU or we BAN you both.


*snerk*

Cooking with Molasses: A Cautionary Tale

heptadecagram attempts to cook and murder some cookies. The cookies attempt to murder him back.

This is one of the "must read the whole thing" selections, but to sample a few steps of the recipe:

7. Remember hearing somewhere that brown sugar is made from molasses and sugar at 1:2 ratio. Note that only molasses possessed is "Cranky Jilted Granny's Unbelievably Thick 'n Dark". Wonder aloud "What's the worst that could happen?"
8. Make mental note to see if ominous thunder was in the weather forecast for today. Open jar of molasses, black out from scent.
9. Woozily use fork to chip out molasses in guessed-at ratio. Mix. Wonder why dough looks like licorice.
Jubilee (By Foxglove_Icons)

I think I'm in love

At this point, let us discuss my stepmother Mavis. Mavis is not made of the stuff that my father and I are made of, which might best be described as a good-natured chocolate shell over a heart of purest marshmallow. Mavis, on the other hand, is kin to pioneer women and Civil War field medics. Mavis can and has castrated pigs and performed C-sections on dying guinea pigs. Mavis is tough. If we are ever trapped in a zombie movie, Dad and I will be casualties of the first ten frames, but Mavis will last to the bitter end, sealing up zombie bites with superglue, delivering a couple of babies along the way, and take an unbelievable number of the living dead out with her right before the credits.

-- ursulav -- the entire story is here, but be warned: it contains both poodles AND maggots!

From the the_id_kid

Priceless. This is my first post so I hope I'm doing it right.

'"I need flowers. Or chocolates. Or something to announce that I am still a female.
Isn't that fucked up? How some girls like that sort of thing, yet, the best way of saying, "Yes, I acknowledge you are a sexual creature"- you'd think would be a box of tampons with a condom taped to it. I mean, that, right there, says, "You menstruate, and you are a sexual creature. I realise this."
Though, not as sweet as flowers and candy. *snicker*"'

http://www.livejournal.com/users/the_id_kid/196846.html
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    good good
Morning Star

(no subject)

As per believeitup's request, I c/p'ed the post under here instead of having her open up her journal, since she doesn't want the girl she travelled with to find out that she really had this bad of a time, because its not that she did any of it on purpose. Hopefully, doing it this way will do the trick. :)

Sample, again:

Mohammed: *leans over to me* This one, she's a little...
Me: *cracks up* Yeah, I'm sorry. Full fare for all the bullshit.



Collapse )
alert the medic

(no subject)

sennuyer, from a locked drabble post, on a discussion on the type of results a Meine Liebe/Weiss Kreuz Gluhen crossover might yield:

CAMUS/OMI WOULD BE LIKE, THEM GETTING THE OTHER ALL HOT AND HEAVY BY GIVING HEAD TO A GUN AND THEN OH NO, FIREARM MISHAP! THE END.

I laughed, if only for the visuals.
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    amused amused
Daniel History Geek

(no subject)

Found this loverly gemin childfree. The original post was on a baby truly named Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K.

lisendral Special K as in Ketamine?

I'd offer bets on whether or not tax dollars paid for that pre-natal care, delivery and so on, but we all know it's a sucker's bet.


insomaia I tought it meant Special K as in the cereal.

lisendral I see names like that and immediately think of street names for drugs.

lilsquishy I see amazingly bad rappers.

lisendral What's the difference?
POTC - Captain Jack - Pirate

(no subject)

enigel did some badly-needed spring cleaning recently...
I also found a piece of cake that defies carbon dating, and which presented me with a scientific dilemma. I approached the plastic bag that contained it with great care and a sense of dread, expecting a thriving colony of mould to hail me and request to be granted independence.

Well, I was wrong - not even the slightest trace of mould. It even still smelled very faintly of cake. I would have taken the bait and tasted it, for purely scientific purposes, but in a moment it became clear that I might have as well tried to taste a rock - I could have broken a window with that cake. And the dilemma - if the cake was untouched by living organisms, could it be that it wasn't life-friendly to begin with? Maybe I did myself a favour, forgetting it there for years months, until its true evil nature was revealed by time.

(Betting is now open on the number of "cake or death" icons this post will garner in reply.)
almostfamous

The right time....

selene212 said:

"Think of your friends who've waited for the "right time" to end a relationship- what good came out of the mean time? (unless said friend was planning some showy heart-julienning and needed time to sharpen the knife) The only "right times" you get for breaking up are moving day and the morning you walk in on him/her in bed with your best friend and his goat."
Trixie heroine addict blue

For anyone who's a fan of LOST and ALIAS

Explanation:
dachelle runs the Minions of Ultimate Drew website, because she's such a big fan of Drew Goddard (who's written for Buffy, Angel, ALIAS, and LOST episodes). At the LOST Fuselage fan party in LA last weekend, they did a mad lib at the Minion lunch on "how Drew really got his job writing for television." It killed me.

Exerpt:
"I will give you a job in television," said the King, "but first you must bring me the spork of the Wicked Witch of Hollywood, Paris Hilton. She lives in a Half & Half guarded by annoying fangirls."

"No, not fangirls!" jumped Drew.

"Yes, fangirls," confirmed the King


Explore:
The whole Mad Lib.
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    amused amused
Willow by 'Lothy'
  • lots42

Context? Who needs context?

From here

Edit: Okay, some context. First, I said : Or keeping the whole truth from the adults because um...actually, I never could quite figure out why Harry never told Dumbldore "OMG VOLDEMORT BLING BLING"

Said by iamspecial: It's because he wasn't up on the popular internet phrases of the day. Harry was still going around talking about "all your Voldemort are belong to us." It was 3 years out of date and made him sound really uncool, but he found it so amusing that none of his friends could bring themselves to tell him.