April 14th, 2005

loopy smiley

Of Boyfriends and the Gay Subtext

... which made me snicker quite a bit, here, in the dead of the night.

Basically, hanishoney has discovered OkCupid, which is like... a match-making site with tests, like Tickle nee Emode. In any case, her boyfriend tariq_kamal is profoundly disturbed to find himself STILL doing this lightsaber test. Which she found very cute, because:

hanishoney: this is so profound, my Love. this is your repressed need for men, right there
tariq_kamal: NO ITS NOT
hanishoney: that's why you're so obsessed with light sabers. your sexual desire for penis needs expression!
tariq_kamal: :((


The post can be found here

*snork*
Just Right

Frankly, I agree.

In reference to this, bluejeans07 had this to say:

No, we must bring him back to the side of good, the Ring must be thrown into the fires of Mt. Doom and we must drag him out of the evil land of Microsoft!! The two towers of Microsoft and MTV will be destroyed with the combined strengths of Nintendo and Sony!!!

Three computers for the LAN-network uner the sky,
Seven controllers for the Halo players in their halls of stone
Nine hand held consoles for unexperienced gamers doomed to die,
One for Bill Gates on his dark throne
In the Land of MTV where the Shadows lie.
One Console to rule them all, One Console to find them,
One Console to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the Land of MTV where the Shadows lie.
swole bunny man

(no subject)

smith120bh's roommate has a really bad habit of shagging girls in the room while smith120bh is present and awake, but at least he gets some awesome pillow talk out of it...

"I’m no genius in the relationship department, but I somehow don’t think this conversation is how to impress. For your entertainment:

roommate: “I feel so lonely when I wake up in the morning without you”...[a couple inaudible sentences later] ...
girl: “Do you even remember where I’m from?”
rommate: “Uhhh... Could you give me a hint?”

And I haven’t seen the girl since. Yay!
"
rik

(no subject)

A Very Clever Joke Rots in Hell.

I: How many Slovaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
JUSTIN: Ooh, I dunno... four? I dunno.
LINDSAY: I'm gonna have to say two.
I: What?
LINDSAY: Two?
I: (to Justin) So you don't know?
JUSTIN: Well, no, I said four.
I: Um, don't you mean "I don't know, Meghanne, how many?"
JUSTIN: No, I mean four.
I: No, you have to say you don't know.
JUSTIN: No, you have to guess a number.
I: No, you don't, or the person telling the joke can't bounce off of it.
LINDSAY: I said two.

--oublier
fangirl, _schools4303

50+ Things to Not Do at Hogwarts

atalantapendrag lists things that she is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts (inspired by Skippy's List):
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
The whole thing's worth reading, especially the comments.
i bit them

She does like Gerard Butler too, but...

greenhoodloxley differentiates slightly between fandoms:

I was watching a weensy bit of Renaldo and Clara and the following conversation occurred.

Mom: Aren't you tired of watching Bob Dylan?
Me: (sidewise glance) You're not my mother.
Mom: Don't you want to watch some Gerard Butler?
Me: (taking a sip of tea) I was adopted.

See...it's like this. My love for Gerard Butler is a grain of sand. Whereas my love for Bob Dylan is the entire desert of my heart.
excuse me?

pouringsand's work anecdotes continue.

While on a smoke break...

Less than a full cigarette later, some women exited the establishment next door to mine and headed out to their own cars, chattering away about carbs and salads and god knows what else. I couldn't help but overhear their public conversation, but it was well on its way to boring me half to death when I heard this brilliant exchange:

Magpie #1: "Oh my goodness... you left your car windows open all day?!"
M #2: "Well... yeah, I didn't want my car to be all hot when I got into it. You don't ever do that?"
M #1: "Oh, there's no way... not out here. Those Spaniards will steal anything that's not nailed down, you know."

I almost burst out laughing at the image that ill-informed racist comment brought to mind... a conquistador hefting this woman's car stereo in the air and shouting, "I CLAIM THIS BLAUPUNKT IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!" before triumphantly planting a flag in it.

Yeah, lady. You have to watch those Spaniards. Well known fact: folks are always flying over here from Madrid and Barcelona with designs on your Garth Brooks CDs and Yankee Candle auto freshener.

Remember: roll up your windows or the swarthy Latin terrorists win!
just breathe

*snicker*

One post, so many funny answers!

So, apocalypsos informs her readers that Bill O'Reilly just compared gay marriage to the plot of Jurassic Park.

palmetto: I know that when my friend Mikey meets a boy, it always ends in a small annoying child being electrocuted on a fence.

insidian: Wait... so gay people are born from eggs turned by robot arms? And the first person they see is Richard Attenborough?

indigoskynet: OMG the steps of the approaching gay people disturb my water glass and my freaky supergenius gymnastic children must run from them!

sinsense: GAYASAURUS REX! Raaaaaaaaa!

There's more. :)
Halloween Hair

What's that smell

ghoulchick has an interesting kid. (From a locked post, with permission.)

Recent exchange with my family...

Me (to LilGhoul, who had been outside in the pretty weather): You smell like sunshine.

LilGhoul: Yes. You smell like eyeballs.

[info]mrghoul (to me): Y'know, I didn't want to say anything, but...
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that avatar thing

M-m-m-meta

From here, courtesy of van

While talking about not swerving to miss animals when driving...

This is such cheap advice because then you go, "Oh, shit! A deer!" and you don't swerve and then the deer flies through your windshield, instantly decapitates you, you swerve due to death into oncoming traffic, collide head on with the bus full of child nuns which rolls the bus off the side of the mountain, down a steep embankment and into the old folks retirement home right during bingo night.
eye

(no subject)

theometrica quotes a friend:

I was talking to a crust punk friend of mine who mentioned that he and some friends got into a fight with some frat boys recently. Upon inquiring as towards who was off the worse, he replied "No contest man. There were pretty much twice as many of us because our women fight"
basically I rule

(no subject)

lukadia, one of my favourite web artists (and the source of my lovely Draco icon), took on a Chick Comic distributor at Sakura Con last weekend:

I got out my red pen and corrected the errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and so on througout the tract. I crossed out all but 3 of the Plagues of Egypt and wrote "redundant, please condense." I circled the places where the pronouns of God were capitalized, put in question marks and "Trite" where the language got flowery. At some point in the book, I circled an entire paragraph about torture and wrote "Good!" under it. Don't want to be COMPLETELY discouraging, after all! Finally, I got to the back cover and wrote my final grade: "D."

And under the grade, I put in a note: "Please see me after class. this is very disturbing."


Read the rest, it's great.
Cooofuzed bear

(no subject)

"Okay. So apparently dutch people have not gotten the memo that the term "bling-bling" ended in late 2001.

No.

Really.

If I see one more commercial with the word "bling-bling" in it spoken by a Dutch voice, I will commit seppuku with a tulip bulb. " - grennie
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crazed

Loligoth, loligoth, oh loli, loli, loli....

rakugo_report wrote in engrish in response to this :

Gotta love the Goth-Loli's. I could never understand though how two wrong fashion statements could make a right one, or, more importantly, who thought of it first. Can you imagine?
"Hey Yuki, I have a great idea! You know how it's been so boring just being goth and thinking about death all the time? Well, why don't we become childlike slutty goths! That way, we can think of death and make money off of horney salarymen!"
"My God Setsumi, you're brilliant!"
"Yes, I know. Now shut up so I can think about death. And all the money I'm going to make..."
Imaginings - icon_goddess

Wouldn't we all love to....

In a locked post of mine I complained about a History essay I have to write over my school holidays and desperately appealed to my flist for help, to which my dear andy_star replied:

Don't ask me, I'm saving that essay till the day after the apocalypse.

Unfortunately, I can't do the same thing, but it was amusing all the same!
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    Popular Mechanics For Lovers - Beluah
SARCASTIC Broke my brain!
  • _skye_

Does your flat-screen TV make waffles?

lilacwire just got a new digital camera. In her latest post, she talks about how happy she is with it. I'm reading along, thinking "blah blah blah, new camera, right" until I screeched to a "hu?"-stop at the unexpected end:

I've been reading through the booklet, trying to drill into my brain all the options that are available. This camera is definitely more advanced than my last one. It thinks on its own! It made breakfast this morning.

THAT was cool. We had eggs.

(no subject)

This was an edit in a locked post (with permission) on crazymook's journal


"Edit: Um. I just looked out the window and there is a dead fish on my windowsill. Like, a half eaten dead fish. I reckon a bird must have dropped it or something. But what the hell !! It's looking at me ..."


I found that so funny xD A dead fish. On your window. How gross is that? xD

Whats worse is that KL is like 35kms (20miles) inland, I think xD I live about 5kms away from the beach and I've never even smelt salt, let alone had a dead fish strike the window
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Hand
  • miyyu

Britney Spears

Apparently, Britney Spears reproducing is just as funny as it is scary, at least according to my friend bsquaredsf. (Posted with permission.)

adrienneee:why do we care that Britney Spears is pregnant?
bsquaredsf: we care that britney is pregnant if:
bsquaredsf: a) it means her breasts will get THAT MUCH LARGER
bsquaredsf: b) it means that men that are 20 now will have a cute britney like 20 something to ogle when they're 40
and so the future is secure
bsquaredsf: c) it's reasonably close to the wedding meaning that she MIGHT have had a shotgun wedding and wouldn't that be something for little miss innocent
bsquaredsf: and d) because the media tells us to.
adrienneee: hee
bsquaredsf: hopefully we will not be bombarded by the baby spears clothing line, etc.
bsquaredsf: or a new version of look who's talking with britney and baby
adrienneee: ew
adrienneee: god, ew
bsquaredsf: oh, and we also care because while jessica beat britney to getting married, britney beat jessica to having the baby and so while jessica gets the marraige reality tv show, britney may get the baby reality tv show
bsquaredsf: and everyone's brains will rot and damage will be irreparably done to the unborn children of today's teenagers
bsquaredsf: so essentially, britney's baby is the final sign of armageddon
adrienneee: the seventh seal, as it were
bsquaredsf: indeed
bsquaredsf: i hope it's a boy.
adrienneee: the antichrist!
bsquaredsf: that at least would make life interesting
bsquaredsf: because then he couldn't be a complete britney clone
bsquaredsf: it's too bad gwenyth already named her baby apple
adrienneee: oooh ooh!
bsquaredsf: because britney's baby could be apple spears
adrienneee: pickle spears!
adrienneee: Ooooh OOOH!
adrienneee: pickle LYNN spears
bsquaredsf: awesome
bsquaredsf: except the baby's going to be federline
adrienneee: who cares?
bsquaredsf: exactly
flower

because there's no such thing as too much meta

yep, that's right folks, time for some meta-meta action:
In repsonse to this post,

coolteamblt: I love this. Us punk women do fight. It helps that the majority of people don't expect it. ;)

smu: Goth women fight too. Don't mess with a goth woman who has long nails, tall boots and a bag laden with Oscar Wilde and angst.

amandathegreat: Us nerd women fight too, only then it usually involves stopping every few minutes to roll for damage.
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