April 10th, 2005

kitty inna tree


altoidsaddict fills us in on Henry VIII's wedding vows:

For better or for worse (until someone with a bigger booty comes along), for richer or for poorer (since the Crown can seize your family's assets when you commit adultery), in sickness and in health (which may become important s soon as you notice I have syphilis), to love and to cherish (well, to love and cherish your ladies-in-waiting), until we are parted by death. (Yours, if all goes according to plan.)
It Starts Here And Now

Just Another Saturday

pouringsand tells us about her work weekend:

Not five minutes after I arrived, a customer who had just left scared the bejesus out of me by pounding on the glass by the exit door and screaming something panicky. I rushed over to open the door to hear what the hell she was yelling about and noticed smoke billowing across the parking lot. Hmm, I thought. That's not... usual. At first, the customer and I thought it was coming from one of the cars, but we soon determined that a shrubbery was aflame. A shrubbery. In one of the little median island-type things in the lot. Was on fire. For no reason. In the middle of a sunny Saturday afternoon.

The whole entry must be read, because it's laugh-out-loud hysterical.

(no subject)

Now over on wtf_inc, we often see posts that are decidedly not worksafe, and so you see NSFW warnings regularly.

I had posted up a link here, with the caveat "Vaguely safe for work. You make the call. If you can't tell what it's about from the title, don't click. (actually, that's a good rule of thumb for this community)"

To which sjo has to say:

"If your thumb looks like that, you need to see a doctor. ;-p"
  • Current Music
    The Crüxshadows - Dragonfly

Teh yay!

On a scale of 1 to 10, where does he rate, anyway? Above or below Barbra Streisand? And where would, say, Marky Mark fall on that scale?

You've really intrigued me with this. I think I'll spend the day rating the "street cred" of all my favorite artists.

--nicole_berman, referring to Barry Manilow's "street cred", here.
  • Current Music
    Old School Nintendo Castlevania

I'm new, be gentle

I have a couple...

From the Amazingly Bad Poetry Review's latest entry:

You're constantly thinking about this person, you think she's beautiful--are you feeling trapped? Is that what you're trying to say? Perhaps this is Avery's way of saying "This relationship is suffocating me! I can't breathe! Nasal congestion! Sneezing! Itchy watery eyes! I want out! Boom!"

From nancychan's post to customers_suck:

You're going to pay for the goods and services you acquire... Why? Because that's how our economy works, bitch... In Canada it’s called Socialist-Capitalism; In other words, I’m a nice cashier who rings in your groceries. And you pay for them. If you don’t pay, the friendly man with the large arms beats you up… and the health care system pays for your facial reconstruction XDDD

Sadly, although we have large men working in the grocery department, we’re not legally allowed to beat up customers… sigh

(no subject)

In response to the pictures of rapper/actor Ice-T and his wife Coco posted at ohnotheydidnt, romoe woefully remarked:

i look at the guy and all of a sudden i go straight and then i look at the girl and i think im asexual.

i don't know what to do. :(

There are actually loads of metaquotable comments at that post, such as magneticromance's insightful "her boobs remind me of those peanut butter cookies with hershey kisses in the middle". Coco's Nipples of Doom certainly inspired many people.
Gianni: We Are Libya

(no subject)

gal_montag replies to this post.

Look at Bob. Bob's busting a move. Bob's dropping it like it's hot. And, thanks to Enzyte, Bob's also got a monster wang. A monster wang which he sticks in his woman every night. Want a monster wang? Try Enzyte. It's natural wang enhancement. *big thumbs up*

... Well I thought it was funny. XD

  • Current Music
    "St Jimmy"-- Green Day

(no subject)

palmer_kun was right. scott_lynch is the funniest man ever. Whole post can be found here, but I warn you it is quite disgusting. Poopie and the like.

"I refuse to believe that one ass was responsible for the wide variety of colors and consistencies on display in the three stalls; I can't begin to speculate on the order in which the defecations occurred, or whether any of them were simultaneous. All I know is that it was an evil beyond man's comprehension and there was no way in hell I was going to get forensic with it.

I found my least favorite other busboy and offered him five bucks on the spot to "deal with the mens' room."

Best five bucks I ever spent."
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
Ninth Doctor

(no subject)

Overheard in fahrenheitbbv's post in mock_the_stupid
(View entire post here)

WS: How do you know I'm not Warren Sapp? He wears a helmet, his face is hard to see.
(Yeah, I noticed he said "he" and not "I," but I didn't bring it up at that time.)
Me: Well, I do know Warren Sapp is black.
WS: What is that, some kind of racist comment?
Me: (By saving a black man hundreds of dollars by not letting a stranger rent on his account?) No, I just think if you're going to pretend to be a black man, you should be black.
Daniel History Geek

Letter to the cats

From a locked post and taken with permission from the the wonderful tamnonlinear

Dear cats,

The universe as a whole tends towards an increase in entropy anyway. It does not need your help. Any cat found to be engaging in acts that unnecessarily accelerate the heat death of the universe will be dealt with severely. Please keep in mind that many of you are one of a pair or more of look-alike cats and therefore can quite easily be turned into matching slippers or sock puppets.

Love (more or less),

The Human.
Evil Giraffe

Wooooooorms! Woooooorms!

A post by pepperjackcandy entitled "Mary Poppins":

Has anyone ever noticed that that's a gay robin couple outside the window in the Spoonful of Sugar scene?

mecurtin replies: But it always bothered me more that they are both American Robins instead of European Robins.

crossbow1: That is a good point, but what bothered me most was that they looked like dead stuffed birds and I thought it was creepy.

Gay dead American robins. Wow. That oughta be censored.

mecurtin comes back with: You know what that means, don't you?

Gay. Dead. Alien. ZOMBIE. Robins.

"Woooooorms! Woooooorms!"