April 6th, 2005

the background hum
  • rynne

Gigglefest 2005

This is meta of a meta-meta (meta cubed?), but since it's all pretty much gold, here are some of the highlights.

sarcastro: See, I have a friend who tends to giggle like a wee lass. I often call him Giggles McSchoolgirl.

eimran: ... Some days when I'm feeling girly, I just want to throw on a tiara and squeal that I feel like a princess.
sarcastro: Me too! hahaha

And I'm not even a girl. :P LOL
eimran: BEST PARTY EVAR: A few months ago, I was at a fairytale themed party at one of the houses on campus... ... it was the BEST TIME EVER to see a bunch of SOBER college guys circle up on the floor and play Pretty Pretty Princess.

sarcastro: I'm hoping it's not a Tickle Me Calcinator™, however...

You tickle it and it spurts spoilt milk.

God, that's dirty.

eimran: Not as much as waking up and finding the Burger King leering at me in my bed while I sleep--holding out some sort of horrible meaty breakfast sandwich, thinking it'll make up for the fact that he's IN MY BED WITH ME.

Ahh, just go read the rest of the comments in the entire post. Funny stuff.

(no subject)

"Seriously, Catholicism is the x86 instruction set of religions. I can't think of a way to extend that comparison that doesn't work." -- luinied, in a comment on a friends-only post on my journal (quoted with permission)
Random - Trippy Colours


I couldn't resist, it had me in tears:

eimran says here

What's worse is I was the one to find it... and... I just... looked at it. Then I slowly closed the dishwasher door, without removing the milk. I just... left it there.

...it was staring at me in there.

It was like a really weird horror movie or something. Milky McMilkerson gets kicked by a radioactive cow and becomes THE CALCINATOR. Chasing down those of us with weakened bone structure from a lack of calcium in our diet, shooting noxious blobs of souring milk, shrieking about needing MORE VITAMIN D.

...And this was the day I truly learned my imagination not only runs away with me, it locks me in the trunk of a car and goes joyriding.
  • Current Mood
    in near-painful gigglefits

Mmmmm ... smoothie

livejamie on the curse of being a guy living at home, with two younger sisters - at showertime:

"you see, with all the washes and shampoos and cleansers and moisturizers and scrubs and soaps sometimes i don't know if i'm washing myself or if i'm making a deluxe fruit smoothie. i mean, we have such a wide selection of flavors; kiwi, strawberry, strawberry-kiwi, mango to name a view(sic).

sometimes i get out of the shower wanting a jamba juice."

From this entry.

ETA: original writer's gender, to prevent further confusion! ;)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

indigoskynet here discussing her love of lonely fruit.

The orange, alone, cried as its sibling sections were severed from the glory of the whole.

The peach sighed with sorrow as the pit that made it whole was torn from its juicy, tender womb.

Alas, for the blueberries saw their brethren bled bloody blue into the juicer.

The pineapple screamed like a violated virgin as the knife sliced out its center.

fritterfae on British road signs

I don't have a good way to put the meat of this post into a metaquotes post without mucking up the formatting. So just go here. It will be worth it.

Meanwhile, this snippet gives you an idea:

UK drivers are confused by road signs

NEARLY three in five drivers are baffled by road signs, according to a new survey.

Some drivers thought a sign warning of side winds actually indicates a kite flying area.

Only half correctly recognised the warning for risk of ice on the road ahead, the survey by Prudential Car Insurance revealed.

and with a highway code so exhaustively detailed online who could misinterpret them?

I mean this one is obviously: Evil Knievel ahead
Misc - Three Sisters

(no subject)

from shinga, post can be found here.

I saw Sin City last night, and... holy CRAP that was MESSED UP. I loved it, the style was incredible, but WOW. If I ever find out my younger sisters see it, I'll kill them, cause... yeah, TOTALLY not meant for them. Although ever since I saw it I've been walking about internally narrarating my every move.

And I'll never be able to watch Lord of the Rings without waiting for Frodo to snap.

SAM: I hate you, ugly maggot!
GOLLUM: Well we hates you BACK, stupid fat hobbit!
SAM: What was that, Mister Frodo?
FRODO: ... Nothing. You're not my type.

Yeah, uh... *cough* Sorry. :P
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Evil Telephone

(no subject)

"If you tell me 'I axed the [person with whom you were talking],' I want to hear about how many times you hit that person with said axe, whether or not that person died, and when I can get your autograph before the police take you out in a spray of gunfire. The English language is your mistress, but that doesn't give you reason to sodomize her, beat her with a rubber boot, and set her afire."

sclerotic_rings in this post in customers_suck. (Used with permission, of course.) The entire post is worth reading.
Dissent - Jefferson

Tinfoil Hats!

dakegra in a conversation on coming up with plans that only get rewritten in meetings.

dakegra: v.tempted to go in with a blank sheet of paper, and say 'lets start from scratch, shall we?'
greg: yeah!
dakegra: or when they ask why it's blank
dakegra: whip out my tinfoil hat and shout 'OH MY GOD, THEY'VE STOLEN THE WORDS!'
greg: hehehe
greg: LOL
dakegra: then fall off my chair, for added effect.

From his hysterical post, read all of it. It's GREAT!
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly

First post

The usual disclaimer: I'm a long-time lurker and this is my first time posting, but I think this gem is worth the wait.

From missperkygoth:

I just got a piece of spam mail with the heading, "You may already be a whiner!"

and my first thought was, "well, they've got me there."
  • Current Music
    Tift Merritt - "Good Hearted Man"
Mind Trip

Posted with permission from ros_fod...poor thing...

Yesterday I was felled by some sort of reverse-migraine that began with me decorating the highway to work with some of my stomach contents and ended with me trying to push an axe into the side of my head that was eating itself up, neuron by neuron. On top of this, my uterus was concurrently being ripped out of my body by a pair of hot, rusty pokers used as uterus tongs. It was a good day to die.
  • Current Music
    'Here in My Room' by Incubus
squishy finding nemo
  • lizey

Meta-meta ahoy!

In this thread on spiders, channonyarrow (who's positively on a roll) figures out why spiders have to have so many damn legs.

I think it was one of those "bad planning" things. You know, finish the worms and snakes and realise you've got a jumbo box of legs left, so the things that were supposed to have a civilised number of legs (like four) wound up with eight. And of course you have to USE them all, because of quotas, so there's no slacking off. At the same time, you've only got so many bodies, so there's no getting around it. You've just created something that careens around on eight legs, looking like it owns the world because it has all these damn legs.

...I think I just equated the creator of the universe to Soviet automobile manufacture.
Jesus loves a whore

(no subject)

From dioxin, here.

(my mother runs a baby sitting business, which I suspect is the basis for my hatred of children but anyway on with the post.)

Mother: I'm taking the kids to the park.
Me: Yeah okay.
Her: Y'know in every Patricia Cornwell novel I've ever read, every time a child goes to the park, they get kidnapped. Oh well I guess I can only hope.
Me: It wont work if you stand there. Leave them, come home and then check back in a day.
  • Current Music
    Southernmost - the Lucksmiths

(no subject)

I'm sorry for posting twice in one day, but, you see, my brother dryersockninja is a hilarious little jerk, and i felt you people would enjoy what is possibly his best entry so far. He's 14 years old, so it's about school, and every time I read it, I laugh so hard my stomach cramps.

It is ridiculously long, but every word is gold, I tells ya, GOLD!

Collapse )

This post can be found here, and I've asked his permission to quote him in real life, since we live together.

He's also taken on Kung Fu and Religion.


Halloo, I'm new! I have a hilarious friend and, well, anyway:

Coach: Ok, some of you can turn your intensity on and off, and some of you are naturally intense. The thing is, some of you are forgetting to turn your intensity on in the water. I'd rather have you aggressive and clueless than passive and clueless. Now, I'm not saying you should be like, "Move, bitch."
Coach: Right, as I was saying..

cerberos is just that cool. See rest of post here.
  • Current Music
    Ave Maria - Beethoven


"I remember the time he decided I was to be his show-and-tell thing, i think he was in grade 4. Kids started asking me questions, and we ended up explaining economics to these kids by relating it to jello, fistfights and hoboes.

That teacher still emails me once a month to pester me into taking an education degree."

---nakedblueninja in a comment somewhere a few entries back.
SciFi, amused, mischievous, silly
  • cmzero

Free association!

mullenkamp shows off her standard thought processes by quoting an IRC conversation...

<Dark_Eternal> That guy x Drew Barrymore just makes me sad
(some minutes later...)
* Mullenkamp glances up. For some reason I read <Dark_Eternal> That guy x Drew Carrey just makes me sad
<Mullenkamp> which makes me think
<Mullenkamp> Drew Carrey + Drew Barrymore. They get married and become DREW CARREYMORE
<Dark_Eternal> heh
<Mullenkamp> then they have a kid and name him Jim. He grows up to star in a movie... Jim Carrey and Jim Carreymore in... DUMB AND DUMBERMORE
<Mullenkamp> except the people typo the name of it and call it Dumb and Dumbledore and JKR sues
<HectorMayCry3> Andrea, you just broke my brain :P
<Lakupo> Are you sleepchatting, Andrea?
<Mullenkamp> ...see, this is why I can't hold normal conversations with people. My brain logic works like this normally.