From the lovely and talented meredith_mae
, who denies authorship but does admit to stealing it from someone else's journal, so it qualifies:
If College Students Wrote the Bible
* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.
* A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
* Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to email@example.com.
* Reason Cain killed Abel; they were roommates.
* Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
And, cause Ray can't keep his mouth shut much less follow the rule about not self-quoting...
* Mark, Luke and John would have been in serious trouble for plagiarism;
* "What is truth?" would have produced an all-night bull session in Pilate's dorm room, with Jesus's crucifixion finally being ordered because He kept winning at Risk all night;
* There'd be midnight showings of the Book of Revelation with people getting stoned while playing "Dark Side of the Moon" in the background;
* The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not illegally download Psalms;
* The 12th: Remember the Sunday brunch, to keep it holy;
* The Philistines would never have attacked the Israelites: even a win would have messed up their RPI and affected their chances of making the tournament;
* The Ark would have had two kegs of every beer.