Metaquotes

From the ever-quotable jennyanydots21:


Last night while writing up Celtic Civ notes there was more kerfuffle when Bitchface Auntwoman rang back to irritate my mother some more. When I got back to the computer I found that Dad had been at my notes. They had been edited from
Halstatt-era tombs are generally those of the wealthier section of the population
to
Halstatt-era tombs are great. Full of bones and cool stuff.

tamnonlinear and her passport have mislaid each other:

You smile and explain that, according to the nice folks on the big metal air bird you have just exited, you have left your passport behind you, unloved and abandoned, but that it will be following behind you Real Soon Now and you have been assured that someone with a greater sense of responsibility than yourself (meaning: pretty much anyone) is sending it to an official location set aside for such events and in the meantime is regularly patting it and telling it that it is a good passport and none of this is its fault.

They will look at you and evaluate the level of threat you represent. If you are like me and clearly represent about as much of a threat as a soggy paper sack wrapped round a large wet noodle and concealing a shy and retiring elderly newt (with arthritic knees, assuming newts have knees), they might just let you into the country anyway.

More of the saga to be found here

This "dance" sounds as if it comes from dubious origins. Are you sure it's not cultic?

I can't tell whether it was used as a mating ritual or as a rite to ward off intensely embarrassing intestinal health conditions.

Brainiac 5 commenting on the macarena.

Actually the whole post is pure gold, read it here

lately, the best lazy-around-the-house thing I've been doing is going downstairs to hang out with justin, drink GHB, watch battlestar galactica and haras max. ~ madamerotten

Link


Yup, nothing like having fun doing the date rape drug and watching cartoons. They must be very bored up there in Winnipeg.

From suaine:

BTW, the world is still ending. I'm getting a video camera for my birthday and I will make the best apocalyptic movie ever, it's gonna be a documentary. Too bad no one will be around to see it.

My brother itburnsitburns, on NYC Transit (his LJ is friends only, but he lets me quote him) - mind you, this was all in different parts of one post:

...The train arrives and I see a wall of jackets and heads. Contemplating giving up, I suddenly turn around and throw myself in, literally squeezing myself into what was a sardine-can of a boxcar of humans/cattle off to the slaughter house. We were so tightly packed in that train car, that not only could I pass out without falling or even moving, but I'm probably now pregnant with a crack-baby. I'm sure there was a layer of rotting children on the floor of the train.

...We had 7 trains backed up behind us. Finally technicians arrived from some other train or station and fixed the problem in 2 minutes. They reopened the doors and in a nanosecond I was on the other side of the car, smashed against the wall like a violent shower-fuck.

...On the train ride home I saw an aesthetically challenged ceteacean couple sitting a few seats away from me. Ages unidentifiable, like parameceum in siberia. I've never been so confused at that point. At first the way the man and woman acted like a mother and son. Then they were acting like a female friend consoling a male friend. Then they became brother and sister. Then they became caretaker and retard. Then they became a kissy kissy slobber couple that made out like they were auditioning for apple-bobbing on each other's faces. God, there should be an attractiveness threshhold for being allowed to do that.

*laugh* I love how he words this stuff...

And lo, in this post, was spake unto the faithful by Saint king_duncan:

"For his birthday one year, a friend of mine said, "I want a blow-up sheep". Another friend thought he said, "I want to blow up sheep", and rigged up several firecrackers with cotton balls and little toothpick feet, so he could do so.

Though he didn't get quite what he wanted, he wasn't exactly disappointed, either."

This is the word of the Meta. Thanks be to LJ.

tonimacar0ni: my brother just offered me 25 cents to sit on the toilet seat to make it warm because we both hate cold toilet seats, and weve been bitching about it since we could talk to each other.

but i didnt do it. BECAUSE IM HIGH MAINTENANCE! OH!

( Collapse )

This was said by jedusor  and it made me giggle.  A lot.

This is a slash newbie I found on Metaquotes. Help corrupt?

"I've been feling very mediocre lately. I'm 24 years old and have yet to make any lasting contribution to western civilization. Alexander the Great had conquered most of his territory and still squeezed in time for gay sex by that age. all I've done is written a lot of stupid haikus."

--ratherberucking, from a locked post, and express written permission.

The always hilarious brooding_soul:

Seacrest out.

...

that wasn't me saying goodbye, that was me telling you that Seacrest is gayer than a Christmas goose that Cher gave birth to at Liza Minelli's house while tonguing George Michael.

jitterbugparfum in a comment here:

Virginity is the new gay! Everyone's not doing it.

The brilliant tamnonlinear is back in MQ, this time pitching coffee.
( Collapse )

Give you a call directly? What a great idea! I think I'll do it tonight. At midnight. While playing Snoop Dogg CDs. With my volume turned up to 11.


http://www.livejournal.com/users/kellinator/809670.html

caroline31 has found a chain story that she and a few friends wrote in French class.

Meanwhile, Caroline and Señor Carlos had long since passed that leg of the journey. They had hopped in an awaiting submarine at the end of the tunnel. The cabin was adorned with tacky little souvenirs from tacky little touristy places. The Elizabethan queen cackled as the engine ignited but in her haste to begin the descent she applied far too much force to the throttle and the cheap thing ripped off.
"Gah! Good Carlos, help!" she cried.
But to no avail, for, as Carlos put it, "I take siesta now."

So one of my best friends tanzmitbjorn just moved to India, and she was talking about the international school she was signed up to go to:

'I'm going to BIS only because Indus is filled with rich bitches and they have this whole air of like:
"We only make our tea with Louis Vuitton tea bags."'

Feeling the need to vent his spleen about the potential upcoming confirmation of Ms. Rice, he writes:

I wouldn't trust her around a 3 yr old and a lollipop without surveillance cameras.

-- shukun_buraian

http://www.livejournal.com/users/shukun_buraian/46469.html

snitchnip_chill, here.


( Collapse )

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
If you can memorize Napoleon Dynamite, you can memorize Romeo and Juliet.

Let me explain. For my fifth period class, a few friends and I have to memorize part of Romeo and Juliet--either the "Soft! What light through yonder window breaks? (thru) Cast if off." or the "What's in a name? (thru) Take all myself."

We all are obsessed with Napoleon Dynamite, and frequently quote such randomness as: "Tina, you stupid lurd, eat your dinner!" through "Will you bring me my chapstick?" to "I caught you a delicious bass," to the favorite, most oft-quoted: "I see you're drinking 1%. Is that cause you think you're fat, cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."

Combine these two elements and you get something along the lines of what we ended up memorizing.

Soft, what light through yonder window breaks
It is the East, and Juliet is drinking 1%.
Oh Juliet, why does thou drink 1%?
Is it cause thou thinkest thou art fat?
Thou art not. Thou could be drinking whole
If thou so desirest.

From dorkboyblake:

I asked Robby to marry me and he said yes but we'll have to work things out after school starts again... And Ahnuld says that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman, so why can't straight marriage be between two dudes or two chicks?

Quoted with permission from a locked post by fizzygp about that Very Special Part of womanhood.

( Collapse )

plaidkatia Has this to say in mock_the_stupid

i was expecting to be woken up by the fire alarm caused by a naked woman covered in flaming cheese running screaming down the hall.

Just go read the whole comment, it's great.

This morning, on the bus, where I have never before been accosted, I was reading quietly near the rear exit when the woman sitting in front of me suddenly turned, violently, and poked my arm.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asked, offended, while I stared in fascination at the blackened socket where one of her teeth used to be. "Because I'm hearing all these evil thoughts from your head. I don't like white racism, asshole. You're in the wrong country."

I stared at her, bewildered. She huffed and turned back around in her seat, and a second later turned to me again.

"And I don't support Satan!" she shouted.

Now, as much sympathy as I have for the mentally ill, I also have bad impulse control, and before I could help myself I replied, "But you haven't even heard what Satan's campaign promises are!"

I blame the caffeine.

-- copperbadge here.

From harmonyfb, in a comment to apocalypsos's rant about why she's a virgin:

Well, if you wanted to be a smartass, you could answer, "I'm hoping to give birth to the next Savior."

"The pain. The slash of each pass of the blade. The edge, cutting into me--my heart breaking. I cry out. It's useless. As I look at what torture has been done to me I realise--Mom was right, I did need a hair cut."

Quoted from journal of the overly dramatic seregwen

emisi:

I just discovered the problem with buying my duvet cover in Scotland. What the hell does it mean when on the washing instructions tag there's a crossed out triangle, a crossed out circle, a square with a circle inside in and a dot inside the circle? Do not wash with pointy objects and avoid playing dodgeball whilst doing laundry?

(She did figure out out eventually.)

"Didn't you know? There's no tedious adjustment, because giving birth instantly transforms you into a Perfect*Mommy! Like Sailor Moon, but with a less flattering wardrobe!" -- pyrasaur

From that evil, eeeeeevil childfree community.*

* Advisory: Plz read the section of the rules that says 'no humourless whining' when you feel the need to proclaim how much you 'hate that community'. No one cares, kthxbai.

Every time I hear the words "gay agenda," I end up picturing some sort of day planner with a pink leather cover on it, and maybe a few studs.

a comment from rintheamazing in crochet

One of my dearest friends, likeaspark, who had to dig out after the Blizzard of '05 . .

It's funny to see someone put chairs out to save themselves the parking spot that I dug myself out of. Please, you're saving that spot as if you dug it out? Whatever, asshole. If I hadn't already planned on parking behind my house, your little chairs? So would not have stopped me.