January 19th, 2005

Dirty Hoor

"Make with the laugh laugh."

From what started as a serious entry about job hunting by inner_moppet

"I'm not joking. I need to quit. I sexually fantasize about quitting:

Ooooh yeah, ooh oh heres my resignation
uhm uhm thats right, two weeks notice

uh uh uh, right there, oh yeah, found a job for more money

ooooooooooooooh rub my tushy.... better hours

Just. Like. That."
  • Current Music
    "Coyote" - Better Than Ezra

greetings! a quick little one.

said by miss_arel in sockren's journal

"Seriously; if you write it, they will come. (And come, and come, and come....) [/perv]

..Actually, you know what? Forget that last bit. [perv] tag forever!"

cause I am one of the many people who live for pervy fanfic. Granted this is probably not the first time this joke has been done, but it made me laugh. so here it is.
Stephanie Brown //girl wonder
  • lelola

(no subject)

From shady_lane in this post:

When I have my own strain of income, I'm going to commute to work in a big, green boot like in Super Mario Brothers 3. Cozy, stylish, and best of all, fuel-efficient.
  • Current Music
    Jamiroquai - Deeper Underground
hope is all we have

(no subject)

From kadrin, here:

I appear to have got some form of pox and/or plague, and without even an unfortunate yoghurt pot lid/petri dish licking confusion accident. Until a better solution turns up, I'm going to claim that I contracted this foul illness from Metal Gear Solid 3, and shall now join the Cobra Unit. My name will be The Headaching, and my powers will be the ability to produce flowers from salt shakers and to float freely in the presence of yellow. This will make just about as much sense as the rest of MGS3. If I'm absent for a while, it's because I'm flourishing flowers at CIA agents*, floating around dandelions, and shrieking "HEADACHING!!!" a lot. Which probably won't help my headache.

* "Central Intelligence Agency Agents". Could we start saying CIAgents? Would that just be lame?

And from the comments:

CIAgents puts me in mind of CIA gents, which puts me in mind of English dandys who stroll down the lane twirling their walking-sticks and saying, "Fine morning, eh?" then immediately kill you with a monocle dipped in poison. I need to work on my Brit stereotypes.

Math is hard! Let's go shopping! For, like, a new University President!

_rikiki, who i dissed horribly in my own journal by slightly misquoting her and by referring to her only as "some wag," for her contribution to this methodical taking-apart of Hahvahd President Summers's theorizing about female math/science abilities:

O_o Right. And most of the top scoring people in my Calculus class are actually transvestites.
  • Current Music
    Tom Lehrer, Fight Fiercely Harvard
  • griffen

Yep. That's exactly right.

May be funny to some, but is also pithy: archanglrobriel waxes eloquent in a comment to a post in haemony's journal:

Most of the anti-gay Christians I've spoken with about this issue don't actually -care- what their own religion says - about anything. Jesus was all about love, tolerance, compassion and peace. They don't really like that message as much as they like judgement, piety, sanctimony and being righteous.

It's a lot easier, after all, and gets one out of visiting the prisons, clothing the poor etc.
  • Current Music
    Heather Alexander - Green Are The Hills
Peg 2015
  • pegkerr

Greedy Gophers in an un-cage match

cmpriest bravely faces down a pair of gophers on steroids:

One day I was driving along, and I found myself headed up an onramp to I-27. This onramp is directly underneath the Olgiati bridge (on the north side of the river) ... and it is not exactly a "bustling" stretch of road. This turned out to be a good thing, because as my car began its curved ascent towards the interstate, it was stopped dead by a pair of gophers.

These gophers were circling one another in the middle of the onramp -- fighting, it would seem, over a leafy branch that was also in the way of oncoming traffic. Now I have never seen gophers fight before, and I don't know what was so special about this particular branch that these two gophers in particular had deemed it worthy of mortal combat, but there you go. Two gophers with a chewed up tree branch. In the road. Fighting.

I didn't want to run them over, so I hit the brakes.
Surely, thought I, They will be frightened by my car and they will mosey away.
Not these gophers. Oh no. These gophers laughed in scorn and derision at my Doom Sentra.

So I did the practical thing -- I honked. Repeatedly.
I think one of the gophers actually laughed.

To this point, there had been no other vehicles on the road ... but I didn't know how long I could expect such a grace period. So, barring any better ideas, I got out of the car. "Hey -- you! Gophers!" I cried, hoping they weren't actually woodchucks or groundhogs or somesuch, and I hadn't just addressed them with some funky ethnic slur. "Get out of the road. Move it!"

Read what happened here
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Not another Not a Damn Dime post

porcelain72, in a beautiful rant about the assinine futility of the "Not One Damn Dime" (so-called) "protest":

"Just remember, there wasn’t some sort of government decree that made it so there’s a Target situated roughly every five miles across the entire country. The people demanded that we should be able to buy aluminum siding, novelty underwear, lawn chairs, pound bags of fun-size Snickers bars, KY jelly, and diapers all in the same place, because we’re lazy and don’t want to have to move around too much. Really, ‘Not One Damn Dime’ is the perfect protest, because in order to participate you have to be willing to do absolutely nothing. "
Arbor ancien

(no subject)

Now, birds are stupid. (This is including the majestic bald eagle here, which despite its appearance, has less brain cells than your average Formica countertop. Birds were last in line for smarts, mainly because the crows kept everyone back by smoking Gitanes and threatening the others with feather mites. Nasty bastards.) Birds are in general unable to see beyond the next piece of grass or wicked seed, or to sing about anything other than "Wow baby, my chest inflates, come on back and check out my twigs" or "Hey, step off my tree or we gon' do it". (In this respect, we can define your average boy band as a flock.)

ldymusyc had a bird get stuck between her window and the screen, resulting in this post which just gets funnier when she goes from the above to comparing the bird at length to Boromir. ("Kinda cute, but annoying as f***.")
laughing, joyous, frubbly
  • rosefox


davehogg on Samuel L. Jackson:

Oh, and people keep complaining about SLJ spoiling the end of Episode 3. Um, despite the fact that George Lucas doesn't seem to care at all about actual continuity, was there any doubt at all about how the movie would end? We've already seen Episodes 4-6, remember? We know what happens. Obi-Wan can't be the only Jedi left if Episode 3 ends with a production number of all the Jedis doing a can-can as Vader sings selections from Gilbert and Sullivan. It doesn't work that way.

davehogg on Episode 3:

Jar Jar: Hey, mon, don't be blue! Let's have us some fine weed.

Shot of Hayden, Natalie and Jar Jar smoking up. Jar Jar keeps checking out Hayden's butt and mumbling something about hobbits and baths.

Hayden: Princess, I wish I could take you and our children back to my home on a desert planet where I will never think to look for Obi-Wan. Then I could show you that my love for you is as wide as the mouth of a giant sandworm that will someday nearly eat our son after he makes out with our daughter after he finds Obi-Wan in the same canyon where I used to race my speeder but where I will never think to look for him.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/davehogg/578355.html has much, much more. Enjoy.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
naked girl by me

from justify_denial

re-printed from a locked entry, with permission:

My Dad: Today we may get a bit of snow, but not the roaring blizzard this inauguration deserves.
Me: Thursday deserves nothing short of frogs and locusts. I'm hoping, for my sake, that the Almighty spares the firstborns this time.

Seen on my friends list

From the latest post on darkamber's LJ:

I woke up from my nap this evening, and thought: "Damn! I'm glad that fanfic about Riddick being just a big, misunderstood teddybear and having a male, elven lover named Elijah who got pregnant was just a horrible dream!"
And then I woke up properly and remembered that I'd actually seen this fic on fanfiction.net...

(no subject)

fearlessdiva on why, when she embraces evil, she’s signing up with the Death Eaters instead of the Sith:

'Cause when you cross to the Dark Side of the Force, you end up looking like Vader under his mask or the Emperor, neither of which is as appealing as Ewan McGregor or Liam Neeson, or even Yoda, who is sort of wrinkly and green but has a certain muppetesque charm. The Death Eaters, on the other hand, have Christian Coulson, Ralph Feinnes, and Jason Issacs, any one of them worth a sinister tatoo or two. Plus, pimp cane. Come on, everybody wants to rock a pimp cane. When it comes time for my powers to be subverted to serve evil, it's going to be DE all the way. Of course, my powers mainly consist of procrastination and baking - not exactly an offensive assault to strike terror in the hearts of my enemies - but one does what one can.
Practicing (Eddie)

Ideas for new Apple products

rizlette likes shiny things made by Apple:

Anyways, I need to get a crackin' on the whole job issue. Because... my current crave (besides the electric cello) is the new iPod Shuffle (the 1GB version). Okay, it really doesn't hold a lot, but it's adorable and it says "rita, buy me, now. i am yummy." So, as soon as I get a job, that's the first thing I'm buying. Too bad Apple doesn't make an iCello. Because that would be absolutely fucking fabulous. Yes I am a sucker for cute packaging?

And then in the comments after I asked her if I could metaquotes her:

hell yeah! go ahead! maybe apple will catch wind and actually MAKE an iCello!
  • liar_xx

(no subject)

froodle has been to see The Phantom of the Opera...

So I was thinking...
Froodle (mouth full of brownie): Mmm?
Buzz: Raoul says he fell in love with Christine's song, right?
Froodle: Mmm.
Buzz: But... it was the Phantom who taught her to sing, yeah?
Froodle: Mmm.
Buzz: So, in a way, it's really the Phantom's song that Raoul fell in love with.
Froodle: ......
Buzz: So that means that Raoul is actually in love with the Phantom.
Froodle: *teary eyes of Slashy Sibling pride*
sweet like lead paint is sweet
  • xia

thomas is metaquoted after purchasing an ipod

from the silky and manageable blark...

I will no longer refer to the device as an iPod though. Oh no, it's personalized. It is now known as The Gimp. Why you ask? Well, three reasons really. One, the black rubber iSkin I bought for it. Two, you've got to wake it up to use it. Three, you get to stick things in it from time to time. Plus, how can one not find joy by being able to say "Bring out The Gimp!" everytime you want some music in the car. I took perverse joy in being sung to sleep by The Gimp last night...

(no subject)

Also, I just found a great way to get people to spill all their secrets to you. Say 'by the way, I know everything' and they say 'what, that I'm secretly in love with my college lecturer and like watching women having sex with farmyard animals?' and you say 'exactly'.

Works *every* time.